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Original poster

"Ah well that's boys for you" - sweeping gender statements from birth are ^irritating^

47 replies

Miaou · 26/01/2006 20:28

OK so I know there are gender differences between males and females - if there weren't no one would have bought "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".

But it really annoys me when people reduce ds to his gender alone! He is only 5 months old fgs, and only just starting to develop his personality. But whenever I say "Oh he loves his food", or "he doesn't sleep so well at night, he likes to feed" or "he loves squealing" I get "well he's a boy, he would wouldn't he!"

And unfortunately I can't say "well actually no my dds did the same" because they didn't! (well not the food and sleep bit anyway). But he is a person, with a personality, not just a boy. Grrr. No wonder gender stereotyping is such a big issue.

OK rant over. Just wanted to get that off my chest

OP posts:

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blueteddy · 15/02/2006 08:56

Message withdrawn

LucyJu · 15/02/2006 09:32

Funny, I always though that a neat bump was supposed to be a sign of being pregnant with a boy. And also, isn't bad morning sickness supposedly linked with carrying a girl?
As the mother of two girls, I have been a bit shocked by the number of people who seem to think dd2 must have been a disappointment: "Didn't you want one of each?" or "Didn't dh mind?".

blueteddy · 15/02/2006 09:44

Message withdrawn

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Troutpout · 15/02/2006 12:49

Parp
Ooops,sorry i mean...
rant deleted

acnebride · 15/02/2006 12:52

lol at emoticod and 2-day-old floozy

waterfalls · 15/02/2006 12:55

I got sick of people telling me, boys are lazy, erm........no, men are lazy, not boys

kate100 · 15/02/2006 13:00

I took ds2 to see my great aunt and she asked me if I was going to try for a girl, erm no my family's complete thanks.

DS1 is loud, lively and outgoing, he likes dirt, the outdoors and running aroung madly. However, he is also kind, gentle and sensitive, when I had a cold he brought me tissues and will hold my hand if I'm upset and ask if I'm alright. It does bother me that we try and pigeon hole children when they should be becoming individuals by themselves.

As for potty training, thanks to cod, ds1 was clean and dry in 10 days. The only issue was a directional one

fastasleep · 15/02/2006 13:00

It would be easy to think that girls were calmer for me... but in reality second babies appear calmer, because I know what I'm doing now! It's quite easy to fall into the 'she's a girl so she's... he's a boy so he's...' hole though isn't it! I was surprise by that!

My DS likes beads! And wearing pink, and having a doll, and he isn't lazy... although he is destructive, oh well can't have it all!

Stereotypes and gender statements are like rules; made to be broken

fastasleep · 15/02/2006 13:01

I always thought when people said that girls are easier to train it was about the 'directional' issues... I must just be naive!

uwila · 15/02/2006 13:20

Yeah, I tend to think most of the streotypes are a bit overdone. I accept that there are probably some gender differences -- likely down to hormonal differences. But I doubt that they come through in the first days, weeks, or even months of life.

DD is almost 3 yrs and DS is almost 9 months. He is by far the more placid child. I have always been inclined to push typical boy toys her way, and the rest of the world (except my mother who she rarely see because she lives in Chicago) pushy girly things her way. Consequently she is quite keen toplay with dolls. But if there were 2 boys in the room fighting over a truck, rest assured she'd join that battle too. So, I think it's how you treat them.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with being a girl. And there is nothing wrong with being a boy.

But I do believe that people have a tendancy to see what they expect to see.

Lucycat · 15/02/2006 13:35

The sweeping generalisations do work the other way too - people seem to have higher expectations of girls and when they don't potty train early / like playing with dolls / sit nicely then some people seem to see it as a fault, that there is something you aren't doing right.

Philly · 15/02/2006 17:07

When ds3 was about a week old I was in the queue at Tescos and a women was making a fuss of him,when told he was my third ( and much loved) ds she said "oh dear ,I'm so sorry "...!!!

I would be lying if I didn't admit to sometimes wondering what it would have been like to have a girl and yes I do always buy really girly presents for my 2 god daughters and neice,but I truly don't believe that my three could have been any more different from each other if they had been a different sex.

ds1;v.sensitive, pessimist, bookworm,very early talker and would talk the hind leg off a donkey

ds2:gentle animal lover,first to burst into tears

ds3;noisy,into everything takes life with both hands and gives it a shake!

All have good and awkward days and most of all they are people NOT a sex!

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 15/02/2006 17:12

I've got two boys - one really does't fit any of the 'stereotypes' of boys - and the other - DS2 - well I have to admit if you wrote a list of all the "typical" stereotypes of 2yr old boys I think he'd fit every single one.

But it is annoying when you get comments.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 15/02/2006 17:15

"but in reality second babies appear calmer,"

hehe - want to swap - mine is a little monster. It was like having a first baby all over again with DS2 as he is so much more lively than his brother ever was. I felt like a complete novice with him - still do actually!

WestCountryLass · 15/02/2006 21:10

When we had our DD lots of people said "you must be so pleased, what a relief" (am thinking because we have a DS already). But I was not more happy that I had a DD, I was chuffed to bits she was to term and born at home though!

What do these people think of my son if they think I could not bear to have another one like him?????

williamsmummy · 20/02/2006 11:28

I have four children, and when our planned third son was born,( after a very diffcult pregnancy)we were thrilled.
But others were not, and my hubby was stopped in the street by family friends with comments like,
'I bet you were so disappointed'?
'where you hoping for a girl? such shame isnt it?

We couldnt understand the fuss, I was perfectly happy to have lots of boys.
A couple of years later, we had a little 'accident' with a 'rubber overcoat' and I had a girl.
I spent the first months of pregnancy wondering how on earth was I going to cope with four children?
Of course once our daughter came in to the world no one believed us and thought we had tried for a girl again, after our last 'disappointment'

Some people are bloody horrible.

SHHHH · 20/02/2006 14:27

my friend has a little boy slightly older than my dd...she ALWAYS makes comments like:
"oh boys are such mummy's boys" and "boys are so clingy to their mums"

Grrrrr.......makes me so mad, it's like she is saying that dd will never love mummy like a boy would or that she is more for dh than me!!!

They are also a lot more "tough" on their little boy like he needs to be treated like a man. They laugh at us and presume we are gentle on our dd coz "shes a girl"..well in fact we are gentle on her because she is our precious little baby..ffs!!!! And she is only 9 mths old..!!!

lazycow · 20/02/2006 16:00

I've never really had a problem with gender sterotying comments. A lot of them are based in truth though as with all stereotypes there are many many exceptions.

Do all of you who really object to comments like well 'boys/girls tend to ...' also object to comments like ' men never .... '(fill in as you will)?

I do however object to comments that assume we are unhappy with the gender of our children. 'Boys seem so energetic/lively/manic/mad' don't bother me but
'oh you must be disappointed?' on the third girl or boy would really annoy me.

2Happy · 20/02/2006 16:15

I tell you what really gets me - when people say "of course, there's something special about the bond between mothers and sons" or "of course, mothers lose their sons when they get married, but if they have daughters they don't lose them, they gain a son in law".

Eh? WTF???? I have heard this soooo many times from different people and I still can't work out why they would say something so trite and ridicuous.

robin3 · 20/02/2006 16:32

Worst I ever heard was a neighbour who I bumped in to a few months after having her second son. She said her first son just worships his Dad - giving the impression she got a hard time of it. She then made a joke about someone asking her if she'd have another and said 'do you think I'd risk having another boy!'

I felt really sad for her boys and my DS because there does seem to be this impression that boys are to be endured as they pass through life but girls are a friend for life.

2Happy · 01/03/2006 21:01

It's starting....

2Happy · 01/03/2006 21:02

oops wrong thread

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