How do you manage??? (long post)

[thebecster]

I am 21 + 1 pg with my 1st and am having a panic attack. Woke up at 4am this morning and asked my DH 'How are we going to manage?' and I just keep thinking it over and over again. Am I going to be a rubbish parent? And how will we cope in our 1 bedroom flat where we don't actually have space to keep a goldfish, never mind another human being? (Can't afford to move right now) How will we cope with me on maternity leave? (I earn 70% of our household income, and we need every penny) When I go back to work will I choose the wrong nursery and end up in one of those 'Real Story with Fiona Bruce' exposes? Before you tell me I should have thought about this before getting pregnant, I've always been told there was absolutely no way i could ever get pregnant (appendix burst when I was 9 which did lots of damage, then had cervical cancer (just stage 1) when I was aged 30 - lots of scans/doctors confirmed there was no hope of my ever having a baby because there was so much wrong with me)
So this is REALLY unexpected. Completely wonderful, but unexpected! And after 5 months of thinking 'I can't be this lucky, mustn't get too happy, something might go wrong'... It's now clear that this little boy is definitely happening, and that I'd better get ready. I love my baby so much already, really don't want to let him down... How will I manage? How do you all manage??? HELP!!

I say exactly the same thing as Loveclouds Mum.

You do manage.

I'm being silly atm and panicing over where we're going to put baby no.2 when it arrives as we live in a 2 bed house and dd's room is tiny

but

we will manage, it will be ok.

The Vicky Iovine books really are hilarious. The funniest book I have ever read. I used to read it on the train to work and on more than one occasion, had people asking me if I was ok because I was actually crying from laughing so much!

I agree with others, esp ediemay - this really is the beggining of your worries .

Don't mean to scare you - it's just that once your baby is born you will be worrying about all sorts. I know I still do and I have two, so technically I am supposed to be 'experienced' .

My sister brought her DS1 up in a one bedroomed flat and then moved when he was about two. He had his own room for a short while until DS2 came along. The room is small but with bunk beds they were able to cope.

I also agree about the charity shops and hand-me-downs. Sis had her boys before I had mine so I had loads of really good quality second hand clothes from her, as well as brand new and we had no financial issues! I have also been know to go to our local second hand baby equipment shop and have found some great things in fantastic condition for a fraction of the price.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. Congratulations and enjoy and you will be fine.

just to say that if you still feel incompetent when the baby comes along, you're not alone. I used to have (who am I kidding, I still have it and ds is 2) an image in my head of the Good Mother and what she would be doing at any point in the day. About 2x a day for 2 minutes what I am doing and what the Good Mother would be doing match up

I was talking to my Mum about this and she confirmed it really IS the start of my worries, as Mum's still worrying about my elder sister who is now 47 years old

It does help to know other people have been there - when I read parenting mags/watch TV everyone seems to be in these huge immaculate houses... I'm feeling much more optimistic about it all now. But no doubt another little worry will pop up soon!

Don't know if this helps, but the thing to remember I think, is that it's better when the baby's here because you get the joy and love to balance out the worries!

When we had our DS I would say the first six weeks were the hard, adjustment time; but even this was balanced out by the process of falling in love with our little person. When they're smiling at about 8 weeks it's just lovely and more of the joy of it all kicks in!

I had never held a baby till my own and (dare I admit it) was known by friends and family as most child un-friendly!!!!!! But I have LOVED every second of being a mum and what did surprise me was my level of confidence in carrygin him, and generally dealing with him. For a complete novice and worrier to end all worriers, I felt so fiercely protective from the word go that I wanted to do the caring for him - and from a very few days after his birth, I felt I could do it all by far the BEST.

So never worry about your abilities - it's as natural as blinking or breathing - you just do it. Obviously we need to learn how to hold, change nappies and bath, etc but this takes very little time. You'll be GREAT, because you are giving it so much thought. Good luck and all the best for the future with your boy!

kids enrich your lives so much. Yes it is a big life change, but i love my kids so much, they are a million times worth it. I think the anticipation of what it will be like is actually harder than doing it!