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Original poster

Do you expect your children to share???

28 replies

fuzzywuzzy · 31/12/2005 18:12

I am hoping the answer to this one is yes. Although a quick poll in office and amongst friends appears to be no.

I have a friend who has five girls all about two years apart. Each child has her own toy eg, there a four lots of toy pushchairs, dolls etc.

I can't bear the thought of more plastic tat in the house. But is it inevitable, will the girls end up killing eachother if there isn't two of everything??? They are currently almost three and 1.3 but the fights are mad, I tend to put the toy being fought over away, or I distract the younger one with another toy....works at the moment.

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foxinsocks · 31/12/2005 18:17

I expect mine to share.

The only reason I would buy 2 of something is if it was something like a bike or a scooter.

We do have fights over things like lego or playmobil but I make them take turns. We had a bad patch of not sharing about a year ago but then we got some timers from ikea and let them time 5 minutes a go for a toy - they soon got bored of doing that and just got on with it! We still have spats now but I generally, try and let them get on with it.

They have to learn how to share at pre-school etc.

Beetrootoyourself · 31/12/2005 18:18

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LadyTophamHatt · 31/12/2005 18:23

Yes I do expect them to share but getting them to actually do is another matter.

I'm constantly saying "I refuse to buy 3 of everything so that you don't argue...will you PLEASE share??"

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cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 31/12/2005 18:26

Absolutely - even though I have a boy and a girl (so loads of different toys) they always want what the other has. If they don't learn to share at home there's no hope!

biglipskissinunderthemistletoe · 31/12/2005 18:28

yes

MrsMiggins · 31/12/2005 18:30

yes
if mine want the same thing, I sit and take it in turns
my 18mth old now shouts "share" (similar anyway) all the time

on the plus, if I ever give her food in the kitchen be it banana or chocolate button, she always says her brother's name whether hes asked for some food or not....aaah

ladymuck · 31/12/2005 18:33

Yes for 80-90% of the time. However there are some toys to which the attachment is very strong and personal (eg requested Christmas present), so that we would consider getting a second for ds2. Potentially I would see that a doll could fall into that category, but it would be the doll that would be individually owned, and the accessories (pushchairs etc) would be joint. Or in my case each of the boys have certain fav wooden trains, but the track is very much joint. They will still share these trains, but I didn't think it was fair to deprive ds2 of ever having his own Thomas just because ds1 got there first.

charliecat · 31/12/2005 18:35

Yes my two share bedroom toys clothes baths the lot
They are 5 and 8, if dd1 has something special that dd2 likes I will try and buy something similar but more age approriate.
Bikes and scooters 1 each.

rummum · 31/12/2005 18:39

Daughter hasn't got her head round sharing yet and she's bloody 9!!
Daughter was playing with sons cards one day so he played with hers.. well the fuss she kicked up... unbelievable... she just kept saying.. but there MINE...

I give up....

hermykne · 31/12/2005 18:41

similar age to yours
3 and 17mts and depends on tiredness alot of the time, dd wont share when cranky and ds copies her, he's younger
tend to do a sharing "lesson" when all in good form for the badform times!

roisin · 31/12/2005 18:51

Mine are 6 and 8. They share a bedroom and a playroom, and share all their toys really well. There are limits - yesterday ds2 bought a Lego Pirate Ship with his Christmas money (half price in the sale ) and spent most of today making it. Half way through ds1 was admiring some of the new bits, and wanted to purloin some for a creation of his own!

If pushed they will tell you which of them 'owns' any particular toy, but in the main I don't know what belongs to whom, and we certainly don't have separate shelves or anything like that. And apart from just after Christmas/birthdays or a few very special toys, they don't even have to ask permission to play with them.

Orinoco · 31/12/2005 21:35

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Dottydot · 31/12/2005 23:04

How how how do you get them to share??!!! All I ever hear these days is "it's mine!" - and that's from both my ds's aged 4 and 20 months... They're driving me bonkers and I usually end up getting stroppy if I'm in the room and removing whatever they're fighting over, which leaves both of them howling! Please someone tell me it gets easier when they're a bit older??

Orinoco · 31/12/2005 23:08

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Orinoco · 31/12/2005 23:09

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Jasnem · 31/12/2005 23:11

DD2s first sentence was, "i'm not sharing"!

They are 5&6, share a bedroom, almost all toys ( again, they have a few "special " possesions, but are still expected to share occasionally), some clothes, most things, really.
I have always expected them to share, and one of the few rules in our house is, if you can't share, nobody has it.
They do learn eventually, and I can't remember thelast time I actually had to take something off them.

Dottydot · 31/12/2005 23:13

I'm trying to think how this would work in our house..! for instance we've got 5 fire engines - 4 given to ds1 and 1 to ds2, but they're all essentially the same. If ds2 so much as touches any of the 4 that aren't his, ds1 goes bonkers... Drives me UP THE WALL. I think we're going to have to get tough, mainly with ds1, about sharing - although ds2 is now learning fast from his big brother about getting stroppy and what's his. Grrrrr...

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 31/12/2005 23:45

I do expect mine to share and I don't go in for duplicating toys if I can help it, patience is a virtue and all that.

Orinoco · 31/12/2005 23:53

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NannyL · 01/01/2006 11:01

My charges have to share!

if they cant share or are making too much of a fuss about it its simple... 'it' gets taken away and no one has it! they are 3 and 5, but its beens the same all the time ive worked their... (2 and 4)

they are evry good at sharing thinsg tho, and even at their birthdays 'help' eash other open their presents i KNOW when i was 4 id have KILLED my sister for even touching 1 of my birthday presents!

misdee · 01/01/2006 11:04

i have 3 girls and genereally they share. they do have their own dolls and pushchair tho.

Mistymoo · 01/01/2006 11:10

I do teach mine to share, although it is slightly different as I have a ds and a dd.

There are definately times when it is difficult but surely this would be better than having children who will not share and end up being disliked by others.

I think it is mannerly to share and an important thing to learn.

Now I'd better go upstairs and stop the kids from fighting over that toy

expatinscotland · 01/01/2006 11:18

absolutely! i could not afford the same of each toy for each girl. and how wasteful!

my dad grew up very poor in a home w/5 kids, all but one two years apart, three boys and two girls. it was share or don't have it all.

it was a lesson that was passed onto us and has served us well.

daisiesinaline · 01/01/2006 11:21

I have DS and DD so I think its not quite as bad. But yes, I do expect them to share things like lego etc. But they do also have their each 'special' toys which they do not have to share if they don't want to.

If they have friends coming round I say before the friends turn up 'Ok, any special toys you don't want to share need to go away in cupboard'. So anything else out has to be shared with friends.

wilbur · 01/01/2006 11:39

A very few things are definitely ds1's or dd's and they are sacred (ds1 can only play with Waddle, dd's toy duck, if he has her permission for instance). Everything else is for sharing and gets temporarily confiscated if large fights erupt. All three got a big present at Xmas for them to share. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping it help them learn to sort out disputes between themselves - my sister and I were always separated and I played alone most of the time as we squabbled and our nannies and parents went for the "anything for a quiet life" approach. As adults, we still cannot disagree effectively, we are very wary of each other and I can't help feeling that if we had been encouraged to share and get along better as children it might have been different.

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