'Spoiling Baby' Advice needed!! New mum

[bailey2310]

Hello, new confused mum here!
I have never posted on this site, although I have been reading the topics and always found them to be a great source of helpful info and advice.
I couldn't find a topic relating to my post, (probably looking in the wrong place!), so I thought I'd ask for my fellow 'mumsnetters' wisdom.
I have a 5 week DS, who is very hard to settle. I had quite a long, traumatic labour resulting in an emergency c - section.
Upon advice I've taken him to a cranial osteopath which helped. However, in the last couple of weeks DS will not sleep through day unless he is held. I do rock him off, swaddle him and tried just about every other method I've been told about, or read about.
While he does go off, he has to be held to do do. No problem there, but even after he has gone to sleep as soon as I put him down, within 15 minutes he wakes.
This is my problem. If I leave him to cry as soooo many people have advised me to do, he just gets more worked up and upset and his cries intensify. I always pick him up and soothe him which stops the crying. Mostly, he won't go back off but I'm really confused by the school of 'let him cry , you are making a rod for your own back' and the school of ' you need to pick him up'.
Is he too young to be so manipulative, which is what I personally think? Or should I be less inclined to pick him up, even when he is really distressed?
He is very alert and I do feel that I am doing what is best for my baby by responding to him when he cries like this. It's just all and sundry keep telling me that if I continue to do this I will spoil him and encourage bad habits as he gets older. Due to my inexperience I don't feel confident enough to dispute what I've been told but I don't feel inclined to fully accept it either.
How much older? When do you stop and what advice can other mums give me?
Many thanks for any advice, I really need it!!

Bailey - agree with all the advice here, but just wanted to add, have you ever looked at the post-natal threads. I'm in the October thread and it's great just seeng that you're not the only one!! Assume you'll be in the November one, drop in a say hello!!!

my ds wanted to be held constantly at that age, and during the day would only sleep in my arms.....he too was a windy/sicky baby, we found after trial and error that gripe water worked better for him than Infacol.

he did settle better for naps during the day when we got him a bouncy chair......ours was about £20 from Argos and has a vibrating function on it which still calms him now and he's nearly 5 months.

bailey, I genuinely don't think that not being maternal before birth has any bearing on your parenting skills after. I thought I was maternal, quite, and had a really hard time coming to terms with looking after ds, basically the whole thing is just a crapshoot (both literally and figuratively). Everyone always has an opinion, it's not just you - the important thing is to decide what you actually think and then only follow the advice that suits you (Coincidentally my MIL has suggested this afternoon that we are spoiling ds by not letting him cry - bollocks is what I say to that).

The windiness thing is probably a factor - how I knew my ds had a genuine problem and wasn't just playing amateur dramatics (as one of my SILs suggested) was the fact he would often stop crying once he'd managed to burp or fart. We tried the propping up thing and it just didn't work (not that you shouldn't try it, definitely worth a try). Putting him to sleep in his car seat worked on occasion, and had I known about it, I would have bought one of the bean bags from Blooming Marvellous that has a harness built in - I've looked for it online but can't see it, let me know and I'll track it down in a normal catalogue if you like. I am quite sure my ds would have slept on one of those because he could have been so much more upright.

Ds went to sleep much more easily lying tummy-down on a chest, although never got on with sleeping on his tummy. He now sleeps on his side out of choice and we used to prop him up that way as well, also worth a try.

Also, I used to think I was a UFTM (useless first-time mum). Now I think I am doing a fairly okay job. My customer satisfaction survey (ds) has nothing negative to say, due to the fact he can't say anything at all yet You're doing great, follow your instincts and you will be fine.

Btw, the important thing for these weeks when you are pinned down on the sofa with a sleeping babe is to have a good supply of DVDs, preferably a hard disk recorder so you have hours and hours of TV to watch without moving from your spot

Pick a baby up when it cries and it learns that someone will come and help. baby cries less eventually.

Pick a baby up only if it cries for over 10 minutes and it learns to cry MORE and for longer before someone will come and help.

Don't pick a baby up and yes, eventually they will stop bothering to cry but that will be because they have given up on anyone ever coming.

Echoing what everyone else has said. CIO/CC should not be entertained before 6 months. Have not read the entire post...have you tried a dummy?

Just to reply to everyone's responses.
Dummies - tried them and they do work, although, not all the time but, I don't expect them to be the answer to everything all the time either.
DS has a chair, with vibrating action and toys. He seems to have a dislike towards it. Recently his mat with toys, lights and music has been more of an interest to him than previously as he is reaching out to dangly toys, I kid you not, and trying to make contact with them with his hands.
He likes his car seat, I think it's down to feeling more snug than the other seat although I should point out the other chair is designed for birth onwards.
I should point out that the reason I am able to post is down to DS actually falling asleep!! Since 5am he has had two cat naps lasting between 20 - 30 mins.
I reckon I should start taking formula milk myself, it obviously has something in it which keeps you awake. Either that or I'll start selling it in powder form for a quick earner.
Thanks again!

gosh, this really takes me back! I think your ds is the twin of my dd1, bailey. She also hated the (expensive) rocking chair I bought for her, and preferred her car seat.
Keep the chair though, your next baby may love it

With my DS we used to roll up blankets in sausage and put them next to him, they did this in Nicu as babies like to migrate towards something and feel secure. Obviously that is probably not advised for SIDS risks but DS had resp monitor.

I wouldn't worry about it - my daughter is 17 wks now and the first month or so my mom kept telling me not to carry her to sleep as well, but I couldn't help wanting to (and neither could she, however she protested), so we did. Baby just grew more settled and confident as she got older and now is perfectly happy to be put down to sleep on her own - and has been for quite a while. So don't worry about it, I think! Try to keep your wrists straight when carrying him though or beware RSI!

Echo everything said here - alot of good advice from MN as usual. Thinking back to the blurry newborn days, I also felt useless and a complete novice at this baby lark and the one thing I remember being SO uptight about is doing something 'wrong' that would then become a habit and therefore a rod for my own back..... I would echo the posters who said that in the first six months they change so much, habit and routine with them, that it is very unlikely that what you do one night just to get some sleep will then turn into the be all and end all for the rest of your/their life!! My DD would only fall asleep on us or in her pram in the day for the first 18months - with hindsight I would have done something about that when she was a little younger, but I also rocked her to sleep for months and gradually she weaned herself off that until she would go into her cot semi-awake.

Trust your instincts and don't listen to the hype!! I wish I had!! You sound like you are doing just fine!

dear bailey, haven't had time to read the other posts so sorry if i repeat what others say but i found with my 6 month old that the especially in first 12 weeks they need all the picking up etc to learn from you how to be calm. i would talk mine down a lot: you know going Oh dear oh dear loudly and gradually quieting my voice and sounding happier while staying calm myself so he could feel a steady heartbeat against him and copy me. he just seemed to pick up how to calm himself from this. by 12 weeks (when they sort of come together in themselves anyway) he was soothing himself 4/5 times, often just with a pat and a there-there darling. also, yours has just hit the gut-colicky development stage which is uncomfortable for many babies. just take one day at a time and it will pass. I also recommend the baby whisperers pick up put down method of getting suhc a young baby to sleep in the evening. HTH.

bailey, sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, i'd also say that when little babies (and big babies, mostly) cry it's great to pick them up and hold them, but i'd also say that someone else doing the picking up and holding for a bit can be a lifesaver! my mum used to do some walking up and down for me when ds was really tiny so that i could sleep. hope you have some help.