How has being a parent changed you?

[catyc]

I know about the physical changes (saggy belly) & the memory loss, but apart from that what's different about you now you've got children?

I'm a lot more organised - things get done (AND FINISHED) straight away (otherwise there's no time or I'll forget what I was doing). I'm much more assertive when I'm out shopping. People who know me say I'm more happy and content. I do more housework, proper cooking, washing up STRAIGHT AWAY rather than leaving it till I run out of mugs, ... (though I still hate it) & despite already being 33 when I gave birth, I've grown up a LOT in the last year. Finally, my job, which I used to love (high pressure, sales, targets, etc.) I now hate & I'd much rather be doing something touchy feely like nursing/teaching as I'm still totally baby obsessed one year on.

Have other people changed since becoming a mum/dad? Do your friends/family think you've changed?

Much more decisive - no time to procrastinate. Otherwise - similar to you catyc - more organised, I don't leave the washing up, I use any free time I have to the max.

Apart from the fact I now don't work in paid employment my biggest change is that I no longer sulk. Arguements are said, not bottled up, its said its done, its finished and forgotten.
I'm also very hot on keeping the calendar in the kitchen up to date with what everyones doing (even more important since dd has a social life that doesn't always involve me)
I can do the housework is about a quarter of the time I used to.
I can spot a bargain at a hundred paces (comes from dropping our income and needing to economise a little)

Far more organised, don't give a stuff what people think of me - before children, I was quite shy/less likely to start up conversations -but I'm not sure whether that's down to be a mum or that I'm now into my 30's and past that stage

I feel happy/content - my friends/family think that I am more confident and outgoing.

I gave up my job when DD1 was born 8 years ago to stay at home. I HATED my job with a passion -I was bored rigid/awful boss and vowed never to step foot in an office environment again.

Now - well I'm having a fab time being mum to 3 wonderful kids, working part-time with delightful 3-5yos in a day nursery and on my days off, I am doing voluntary work with the Year 1 children in our school

I have a new respect for my mother and father.

I wake up looking forward to the day ahead.

I judge myself by what I do rather than what I own.

I look at my husband in a whole new way.

Before I had children I was just Fairy. Now my roles are so clearly defined. I am FairyMum, FairyWife,Fairyfriend,FairyDaughter,FairySister,FairyColleauge....and I have to try to fit all these roles into my life somehow.

I have also become more emotional (soppy) about everyone and everything and a bit of a worrier.The world suddenly seems so much more scarier when you have kids, and I have more or less stopped reading newspapers as I can't stand reading about all the suffering in the word. I am a soft Blop basically........

Before I had children I was a rebellious teenager.
Since becoming pg I have
settled down and become more organised
found a different kind of love that I would quite easily die for
become more compassionate
think about the future
be wary what I say or do as that might have negative impact on the rearing of my children
always worry
and last but not least that I am lucky to be blessed with my children because there is always someone worse off than yourself.

forget to add having cjildren has made me grow up

I feel more confident, more assertive but also more able to forgive and forget.
I also feel more inclined to question the responsibility of my actions, being aware of the role model that I am for my ds.

I am much more confident when meeting other people than I used to be. DD is so social, wanting to say hello to everyone I have had no choice And, I have been 'forced' to join new groups like swimming and tumble tots on my own, something I wouldn't have done before.

My job is definietly much lower in my priorities than before too. I used to quite enjoy teaching, now not so (mind new school is much much tougher). I would rather be with DD.

And I have to say that I do feel much happier and more content, watching DD change and grow every day.

Message withdrawn

I'm far, far more patient - positively zen like on some days. But it's also unsettled me and made me want to leave the big city and my job for a more peaceful life

On the plus side, it has confimred to me that I would rather be happy in my chosen career than earn shed loads of money (hence career change which I would DEFINATELY NOT have done had I not had DS)

On the negative side, it has made me realise that I was not as patient as I thought I would be in the beggining and that I wasn't the 'natural' mother I thought I would be.

Great learning experience though

I am no longer the carefree happy person I used to be. I'm now bogged down by the drudge and boredom of looking after 2 children. I wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead and cannot wait until 7pm when they are in bed. There is no life with children, it is merely a daily chore to get through. I now have the capacity to shout louder than I ever thought imaginable, have no patience and would happily turn the clock back and never have them.

Trifle, sorry you're feeling so bad.

I think I've changed a lot since having ds.

• I can cook now and know quite a bit about nutrition. Was Ms Junk food before
• I have more patience.
• I'm soppier, definitely. I cry easily and didn't used to. I'm softer I think.
• I'm happier, there's a purpose to my life that wasn't there before. Not that life was pointless, it just wasn't as important as it is now with ds in it.
• I'm more confident in some ways (I've done childbirth, I can do anything) and less so in others (I was probably verging on arrogant though so it's a good thing) since I've realised I absolutely do not know it all or have all the answers. This could be growing up too though.
• I'm more forgiving. You can't bear a grudge against a five yo!

I have much more stamina
I don't think about myself so much!
I appreciate life more as am watching a new one develop.
I forget about unimportant things (eg it is my birthday today, dh had to go to work earlier and I totally forgot until my dad called me at 9am!)
I appreciate going out more, make sure I do things I really like.

c

I'm much less high maintenance for dh (only room for one bossy female in our house).

I'm more secure, mentally. Not sure about more confident (I was always pretty confident) but I reckon I'm sexier now.

And interestingly I reckon I'm a better people manager at work too.

Trifle - I find your message really sad. I too am not a devoted natural mother but I do enjoy my DS and am happy I've had him even if he is a pain the the butt sometimes. Life is hard as a SAHM and also very boring sometimes but I couldn't ever say I regret having DS and think you're very brave to actually come out and say it, even though i know you have said similar before.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRAC!

I guess on the whole it's just made me want to be a better person.
I'm more content and happier in general.
It's made everything in life make sense.
Having a child gives me a real purpose in life and makes me look forward to the future. Everything is more fun.
Weekends don't get wasted laying in bed all day. Christmas is fun again.
It's bought me and DP closer to our families as we apprecoate them so much more now.

Trifle, sorry to hear that you feel like this. Hopefully, you have poeple close to you who can share the burden or you can talk it through with.

And I hope you have already made full use of the support you can get on MN

Although only 4 months in, I feel I have already changed so much for the better. After carrying the worry of maybe not being able to have children, I just feel so lucky every single day to have my little DS. Its like you see the world through different glasses now.......having children, being a family, is what life is all about. From I was pregnant I have been told by friends that they have never seen me so happy and content.

The whole balance has changed for me. Before DS arrived I think I was very self-centred, whereas now I would just do anything for my DS and DH.....they come first now.

I have also become alot more open to other people. I think I will be a much more easy going boss when I go back to work.

I laugh alot more, usually at my own stupidity

Weekends are now for living, not just doing work away from the office.

Dadslib: Are you sure that it is being a parent that has changed your DW, not being married?????

Trifle,

Hang on in there mate!

Parenthood has changed me by:

• making me less preoccupied with work (in fact I've lost all dedication to work)
• zapping my sex drive down to negligible (husband is no longer a man, he is daddy and I am no longer a woman, I am mummy)
• making me too sensible (can't be reckless and irresponsible any more)
• giving me a real sense of purpose (bringing up dd)
• helping me get things in perspective better
• I now find children generally quite appealing (i.e. even other peoples) whereas barely noticed them before
• given me a very rewarding all encompassing love