Dawdling Toddlers - 5 min walk takes 25 mins

[GeorginaA]

I know there's greater problems in the scheme of things, but this is driving me absolutely insane, so I was hoping I could take a step back, a deep breath and someone from the outside give me some pointers on how to approach this differently.

Ds (two and a half) is perfectly capable of walking fairly long distances now and as it's a pain taking the pushchair everywhere and end up trying to push it with one hand and hold his in the other, for short distances I tend not to bother.

Ds has always been easily distracted on these walks like any normal toddler, but recently the length of time it's taking him to walk a journey that takes me 5 minutes on my own is getting ridiculous. I don't think I'm being too unreasonable (actually, I probably am, but more on that later) - I don't expect him to walk as quickly as me, but I timed it today and it took 25 minutes for him to walk home.

I say walk but most of it is going in the opposite direction, stopping to watch the cars in Tesco's carpark that we pass, picking up stones, trying to stick leaves back on the trees, watching ants, and just plain standing completely still grinning at me knowing that it's winding me up something chronic. If he's not doing that then he's whining that he wants a cuddle home, then as soon as I try and pick him up ... NO, I don't NEED a cuddle... and runs away.

I've tried asking calmly in a cheery "let's try walking faster" voice, I've tried outright bribery, I've tried offering him the choice of being carried or walking home (although the voice inside my head is saying "please choose walk, please choose walk".

Of course, it's really not helping that I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy. I'm tired, I want to sit down at home as quickly as possible, I'm short-tempered and ratty, and he's getting too heavy for me to carry anyway. I could just give up and get the pushchair out again, but that brings with it a whole new set of whines and battles that for a short journey I start to wonder if it's really worth it.

I got so wound up and upset today over this trivial thing, that I know I need to step back and take a completely different approach - I know I'm aggravating the problem by the way I'm reacting and becoming "evil nagging mother".

Help!

How I sympathise... but have to say your ds sounds very sweet! dawdling's fun but not always practical is it? My dd used to be the same, but is getting better and better, so there's hope! One trick I used was to sing together (if you don't mind looking like a loony), and also to go and look for things together, ie things you know are coming up on your way home, like a garden gnome, or a neighbours cat, etc... When walking in a park we used to look for teddy bears having a picnic, it worked a treat.
Hope this helps... and have a rest when you can!!

Can you introduce a different type of walk - when you go out and you let him take the lead, explore and go in the direction that he wants. Maybe you can then introduce the concept of mums walk to the supermarket and his walk ?? Don't know if it works - don't have that problem with my 2 year 3 month old - YET !!

GeorginaA, this might not work for you as you're newly pregnant, but I chase mine in the general direction we need to go. (He loves playing chase.) Of course, that means I have to keep up with him and look like a lunatic.

Have to admit that as I can't drive and walk pretty big distances with DD (also 2+1/2)i've crushed all her desire to walk by shoving her back in the buggy after 5 minutes

I may get told off for this, but when she does walk she understands that she needs to hold on to the buggy and we've never had any problems with dawdling or wandering off. Could you try that with your DS? TBH i've got no intention of giving up the buggy any time soon, it's too handy especially when shopping.

Could you try only letting him walk when you've got lots of time? DD's also likes walking through the piles of leaves at the mment and that tends to chivvy her along a bit...

Hmmm... Not sure I've got much helpful to add, but just wanted to encourage you to keep him walking, and not to give up and carry him or get the pushchair out. Walking is so good for kids, and it's a great way to spend time with them too.

Mine are now 4 and 6, and are still slower than I would ideally like, but they have always walked long distances, and enjoy walking. I agree with the suggestions about singing ... marching is good too, and skipping! Sorry, you really are going to look a bit crazy whichever suggestion you go for! Talking/distraction can help. You can play games as you walk along, ones with car registration plates are great ... does he recognise any numbers or letters yet? You could have a competition to see how many parked cars he can spot with the number '3' on their plate before home. This could go either way - might speed him up, but might slow him down too!

Another good trick is walking in the rain .. honestly! My boys don't complain about walking in the rain at all, but they do walk much faster, and this builds up their strength and stamina for future walks.

But I think the best way for you both to enjoy a walk is to try and always make sure you have plenty of time, so that you're not in a big rush ... I know, it's easier said than done!

I've used the "who can get to that lamp post first" trick with both DSs. You never actually need to run yourself either.

I used to get really frustrated with dawdling DSs (and still do) but then I remembered doing exactly the same things when I was little as they are doing now. I try to bite back my annoyance but it's really difficult when I'm rushing 2 1/2 yr old DS2 to fetch DS1 from school.

Did you see the other thread in which I mentioned that I'd read about female primates carrying their offspring until 2ish - and only letting them walk about while they (the mummy primate) was sitting - the equivalent of our sitting on the park bench watching the kids potter/run about. Also someone else posted that it is an evolutionary thing - that children stay put naturally so in times of danger they don't run towards it? Anyway, there must be something in this as I think most toddlers are like this. Mine is - with double knobs on. I think the buggy is the answer personally, until they get the hang of walking. I really don't think he is deliberately trying to wind you up because my ds is exactly the same and I know he definitely isn't doing it to upset me.He's just enjoying his own world, infuriating as it is. My only useful tip apart from this is to take the buggy and ask him to push it. Ds does this reasonably well and I can 'steer' and chivvy him along by pushing faster.

We sing and talk about the things that are coming up like trees (which ds 18 months loves). The Grand old duke of york is bound to get him on the move and in the right direction. Just tell him that as you're the oldest you always have to be the duke when you're out so no he can't decide which way you go.

georginaA - your message could have been written about my DS (2yrs). I always tried to view it as sweet but the other day we set off to walk to the library and it took half an hour to go 500 yards - literally! He insisted on going down every driveway we passed, picked up every leaf he saw (not good in autumn), spend 10mins talking to the cat. I sound like a right old bag don't I! - I do really try to encourage him to walk and realise that it's good for him/he's exploring and learning and it is really sweet but sometimes its soooo frustrating.

I tried marching, singing which didn't work - chasing is a good suggestion though.

I never walk to the supermarket with ds as he is just like yours. I don't think they understand the concept of walking in a relatively straight line from A to B. We go for lots of walks, but on his own terms. I take him to the park or for a walk in the fields/woods and let him do what he wants. When I need to do something urgently I always take the car/pram with me. If you really want to walk with him, why not just try to accept that it takes 25 minutes ? I know you are pregnant, but it might actually be more stressful and tiring for you try to get him to walk quickly?

I forgot to add that chasing/playing follow my leader etc don't work with ds. I remember walking in the park with him, trying to persuade him to run by running in front of him saying, 'Come on, chase mama! Mama's running!' and ds saying wearily, "mama, WALK!"
I do think this has to be totally normal. I always take the buggy and after he's walked for a while he is usually ok about getting in.

I can empathise Georgina because my DS is a similar age and I am on the May 04 thread with you. My DS would always go in the pushchair if I let him but a) I think he needs the exercise and b) I do not want to be buying a double pushchair in 6 months time when he will already be 3. I think that you have to try and be ahead of the game with ideas like Frenchgirl suggests. Toddlers are interested in the most trivial things. My DS is a car obsessive so I say "I think there might be a Clio around this corner" or something like that. Sometimes there is other times I can find a different car that he recognises.

Pushing the pushchair seems to work for a lot of people but not so well for me because DS will not let me help/steer and he gets into position with his head down so he can't actually see where he is going. Hmmm usually in a circle.

At least yours doesn't really want a cuddle. Mine would quite happily be carried all the way home...

GeorginaA, I think it's Steve Biddulph who says something like "Work out what you're trying to do: achieve your objective (in your case, getting home/to the shops) or spend time with your child. If it's the latter do realise that you might not get things done in the timescale you had in mind" (I'm paraphrasing). I think he's got a point. Maybe you could announce a new rule which is that if it's a xyz type of outing then you take the buggy/car and if it's an abc walk then he's allowed to dawdle etc. I've only skimmed over the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating. I agree that's it's good for them to walk and is to be encouraged but if you're supposed to be at a doctor's appt at 12, then maybe you should drop the idea of walking there and just make the priority getting there on time. Either that or leave at 10.30am to give you plenty of time for a dawdling walk. 2 1/2 yo priorities are frustrating sometimes aren't they? He does sound very sweet though.

Do you think there's a market for a low voltage cattle prod for use on toddlers?

skimmed through the replies and i totally agree with WWW. I think if you are on a time limit take the buggy and if it's an easy outing then get ready for the dawdling............at the end of the day there's SO much to see!!

Don't they change a lot between 21/2 and three as regards walking, anyway? I suspect that he might spontaneously be more able to walk from A to B in six months anyway. I think there is often a huge difference between what they are 'physically' able to do (staying still, walking) and their psychological/developmental ability (not able to to stay still for any length of time, walk in a straight line etc). I think we often assume because they can physically do something they can also mentally do it. I know that my ds (at two) is particularly hopeless at physical stuff. He can walk, yes, but no way could he walk to the shops with me in less than an hour (and it's ten minutes away!)

Thank you all for your comments. Yes, it is really sweet really, I just seem to be in horrible mummy mode at the moment and get easily wound up

It's not really that we don't have the time, or I'm not prepared for some delaying (I have in the past spent ages hunting out snails for him to watch crawling!) it just seems to have got excessive recently. I've also become less patient because I'm tired, cold, hungry and (this is a terrible admission to make, and I feel guilty putting it in black and white) bored.

When he's delaying at home I'll just ignore him and pick up a book and read until he is ready to: get dressed, have a wash, clean his teeth, etc. It doesn't bother me so much, because I'm not bored, and he soon gets the message that he doesn't get attention for messing around (I do go overboard on being cheerful and praising when he is getting dressed without delays). Perhaps I should just take a book on walks too!

I do have good news though. The chase idea sounded too exhausting but I did try out Soupy's lamppost racing. We got there WAY too early!!! (only took us 6 mins to get there and I'd allowed 15!). Slight glitch on the way back when he got so excited he tripped over and banged his face. But after a short cuddle he was eager to get to the next lamppost and was actually quite disappointed when he got to our front door!

I will also try to make some time where we just wander aimlessly so he can explore too when we're both in a mood where we can enjoy it, and arm myself with songs and ideas for when the lamppost racing fails.

Of course, it took him an hour to allow me to dress him this morning...

Trying to avoid buying a double buggy too, Bozza!

Georgina - my plan is to keep a sling in the bottom of the pushchair (we have Graco 2in1) for any moments that get too sticky. That should gain us an extra few months I reckon. And of course then it will be summer.

The only problem is I really didn't get on with a sling the first time around - we had the baby bjorn one and ds never really looked comfortable in it. Which sling did you get? Was it easy to put on yourself or did you need 3 assistants to strap it on you

LOL! I didn't think the lamp post trick would be quite that effective

Soupy - we're having to go out again now, because he can't wait until tomorrow to race to the lampposts again

LOL Georgina. But don't overuse it or it might lose its effect.

TBH I'm not sure how I'll manage just yet. I think we had the Tomy sling, not sure until I get it back out of the loft. It was difficult to do on my own so don't know how I'll go on. But might be more incentive to try this time.

Glad we had this conversation though because it has occurred to me that in order to be able to do this I will be having to use the travel system without the car seat IYSWIM.

Georgina have you considered a buggy board? I wasn't going to bother but just wondered.

I know about the overusing thing! I'm hoping that I can then use the other suggestions when he gets bored of racing!

I'm in two minds about buggy boards. He'll probably be the right age for one, but we'd like to get a new pushchair (our current one suitable from birth is WAY too heavy and doesn't fit in the car - we're thinking of getting the Maclaren Techno as we've loved the Volo...) and I haven't yet looked into whether they'll fit. Also a bit concerned that he can then jump off at will near a busy road - going to have to think it all through nearer the time I think.

My DS is nearly 4yo and still doesn't walk fast, almost never wants to go whichever direction I'm going, especially if it's in any way homeward bound. Getting home again is always a nightmare, but staying in would be worse, so we go out and face the homeward-bound nightmare every day. He's been like this since he was 18 months old. It drives me crazy especially as my 2yo is quite "good" and will compliantly walk most places as long as she has energy, plus she never objects to coming home, but the nearly 4yo is impossible. It's gotten to the point that I just sit on the pavement and wait for the boy to reluctantly drag himself along or consent to going in the pushchair. 15 minute journeys typically take 1.5-2 hours for us. I'm tired of the physical battles and he's too big to force into the pushchair any more. My 2yo has learnt to wait patiently for him, too. I try to always have some water & food with us, and luckily the 2yo doesn't mind playing with whatever rubbish she finds on the pavement while the nearly 4yo is still sulking & refusing (as usual) to cooperate.