Why do some parents find it hard disappoint their children? RANT

[Eaney]

OK, I had a party for DS. It was a trampoline party with an age restriction of 5. Invited DS's cousin who is 5 but who has a younger brother of 2.5. I explained the age restriction to the Mother and said that the leisure centre had other activities for younger siblings if they were bored.

Anyway she said she was unsure as the younger one would'nt understand that he couldn't go on the trampoline as he had one at home. She phoned me back as said OK she would think of something to do with the little one. I told her that the trampoline would last about 1 hr and the party about 50 mins. SHe turned up almost exactly after the coach had wrapped up the trampoline session with both kids in tow and then said she got lost. When I asked her where she got lost she said her older boy wasn't bothered cos he got a trampoline at home. It's only today I realised that she probably planned to miss the trampoline session so she didn't have to disappoint her younger son.

Why is it so difficult for some parents to do this? Am I hard or maybe it's cos my son has so many allergies and I am always having to disappoint him. Never been to a McDonalds, Pizza Hut and never will.

Rant over but interested in others opinions.

Yes, she should have told her that that's what she was going to do.

But she probably thought it was an easier option not to have to justify why she was doing it that way - she's obviously a woman who picks her battles very carefully!

true enough!

Just a couple of additional bits of info.

She didn't bring a card for ds or wish him a happy birthday.

On the phone I had said that if she wasn't coming cos of her youngest could she let me know by the following Tues (2 days later) as the numbers were limited and DS could invite another friend if she wasn't coming.

To be honest I think she thinks the world revolves around her children. Why else would she have said that her DS was not bothered as he has a trampoline at home.

Also the Leisure centre had loads of other things for young children that she could have taken her youngest to. I had suggested that she phone the Centre to see what was on offer when she was trying to decide.

Also her youngest is not given to tantrums and when they did arrive the trampolines were still up and being used by the staff. He paid them no attention to them and was quite happy just wandering around. Perhaps she undersestimates.

And on the tantrum front I was not bothered. If she had told me she wasn't coming we could have made other plans to invite someone else. It didn't help that we had a few no shows as it was but at least I did not know the other people and had not had any conversations with the parents.

yes agree saying about the trampoline is a bit much

she didnt bring a card

or present?

She sounds a bit flaky

No, she didn't bring a present either but the worst thing for me is not wishing DS a happy birthday. It's like as if she can't stand another child being the centre of attention.

Flaky is probably a good description and egocentric.

Can't see why she just didnt ring you and say

"we won't be coming as I have no one to look after the 2.5 year old but thank you all the same and I hope he has a lovely Birthday"

???????????????????

She does sound a bit funny!!! as in odd, funny!!!

and so what if her son has a trampoline at home?? It doesnt matter what they have at home, being with your friends at a party is much more fun than the one at home!!

wouldnt worry about her if I were you. Cant belive she didn't bring a present!! let alone a card!!

My nearly 3 yr old would have caused a right scene if I'd taken him and his older sisters and he hadn't been allowed on.

I wouldn't have done what she did though, I would have just arranged for Ds to stay with someone else or someone else take the girls.

I was thinking something similar at the weekend Eaney. I completely agree with you.

My twin DDs are in separate reception classes and twin 2 has been invited to couple of parties since joining whereas twin 1 hasn't as yet, though I keep assuring her that her turn will come - she stays at home and does something nice wtih DH and generally accepts this. However, I have noticed that another set of twins always turn up together to these parties, even though only one of them has been invited. Their mum told me she thinks it's wrong to "disappoint" one of her twins and leave them out.

I remember my sister always bought both her kids a present when it was one of their birthdays. The youngest has grown up to be the most aquisitive person I know. I wonder how the host reacts when they realise they have an extra mouth to feed and an extra party bag to find.

I know I shouldn't let her bother me but her son is lovely and is DS's cousin so I want to keep up contact but I find it hard to deal with her. She acts like her kids are more important than anyone else's iykwim.