I found this on bbc.co.uk. I have forgotten the journalist's name who wrote it but I think it's great. She took notes while pregnant and after the birth.
"I have decided against being a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted with my new baby, besotted, charmed, hopeful, I am in all ways like a mother, permanently spattered with a happy mix of bodily fluids, some mine, some the baby’s, some.. sort of hard to tell really. Anyway, despite being in all these ways LIKE a mother, I’m afraid I can’t be bothered – I have decided to be a PARENT instead. Why? Well a parent can have a few gin and tonics and no one thinks twice about it, but A Mother with a Gin Bottle… a sad picture wouldn’t you say, probably a dangerous one.. A parent goes to work, a mother (on the other hand) abandons her child.
I decided all this while pregnant. When the world went funny. I’m only saying it now because its quite hard to talk when you’re pregnant. Not because you’re stupid, but because it’s quite hard to talk when you’re waiting for something - a bus, or an earthquake, or a baby. So now that I have my voice back I want to thank (officially) all those people who went bonkers when they saw my bump.
The four grown women who cheered when I ordered dessert – thanks for the applause - the friend who would not give me a cup of coffee – brilliant, hey thanks - the woman who started to cry when I lit up a cigarette (I know, you were right, no really thanks for that), the aunt who said I shouldn’t get on a plane - the airline official who told me (wrongly!) that I couldn’t be insured to travel, ditto, all the drunk people who told me I should go home and get some rest now, thanks -and to the many people who could not resist touching the sacred bulge, the miraculous mound, no really, that was nice... thanks.
Thanks for the mineral water and the plates of salad and the ice-cream, thanks for judging me, thanks for thinking that you had a right to judge me, and a duty to tell me all about it. Thanks for turning me from an ordinary individual, into a vehicle for all your pyschological tics and issues, a sort of public bus with MOTHER written on the front. Thanks for climbing on.
Actually, most people were fine. And pregnancy was remarkable, so I wasn’t surprised when people make a fuss. But it did sadden me to see how tainted people thought the world was, how frightened they are of what we eat and drink. A cup of coffee is not a certain amount of caffeine, it is a moral event. It is a serious moral event. I came to the conclusion that society has (or is) one big eating disorder, barely kept in check.
And it was not just the food that their scared of. Why do people – alright some people- not trust pregnant women? They can’t stop themselves – they panic, they can’t control it – this sudden overwhelming conviction that you want to Damage Your Child.
I decided that it was a mother thing…
I decided that we have two images of Mother – a) a woman who is all things good and lovely or b) a monster.
These extremes come from such a helpless part of us, helpless and ancient – Is this why people panic – because they are babies again, because they think I am their mother. But I’m not you know.
I have a feeling that this will go on now the rest of my life – the mother thing - the irrational comments from strangers, the self-righteousness, the mad urgency of what people have to say. The whole big swinging guilt trip. So, listen, spare me fears, your needs, your primal anxieties, and pour me a nice gin and tonic yes, I am mad about my child, and good to my child Go ring your own mother, if you still have her. The old dear, she’ll love it.".
This is almost always what I try to explain, but she does it better than me! I am never a mother but a parent! It's true about complete strangers prodding you around as well! I don't agree about the guilt trip, because only mothers feel guilty but I am not one of those, I'm a parent.