Can I have an idiots guide please on bringing home the baby

[wiltshire]

Please can all of you mums help. I am 34 & DH is 50. We have no kids at all and not a terrible amount of experience. What I want is an idiots guide from the moment of pulling up outside the house, putting key in lock etc. Any tips & advice would be fab from temperatures to how often to do the washing. I have gained such huge knowledge from you lot already so I know anything else will be invaluable (beg & plead). If I sound like a loony, it's because I am but none of the baby books I have read are terribly practical, they bang on about you will feel tearful tired etc but nothing else. Baby is coming on 26th so not much time.

Oh, but it is so lovely and strange and bewildering, isn't it. Thanks for the kind words Angeliz. I found it a magical time, even if I did want to give him away after a particularly gruesome night.

Just take each day as it comes, don't expect anything - have a changing mat and nappies on each floor at home - most importantly keep in touch with a few others in the same situation eg your antenatal group - it'll be so reassuring to see that you're all experiencing the same trials and tribulations (and good times of course!)

Great advice, especially Aloha's. Beware planning on changing baby on the floor as we did. This is great and sensible after the first couple of weeks but I found it really uncomfortable to get down to the floor while holding DS at first. This is gross, but be aware that the midwife will be checking your sanitary towel (to ensure the lochia is as expected) so you might want to change your overnight one before she arrives. Have some ordinary towels in as well as maternity ones for when your loss decreases. I slept on a towel at first (over the sheet) because I was leaking so much milk. Stocking up the freezer a good idea. When you sit down to feed you need snack, drink, phone and remote control within reach. The first few days I bathed twice a day (maybe only for five minutes) and sometimes I would get out of the bath and into the shower to wash my hair. It helps the healing process and DH had DS so a few vital minutes to myself. Would make sure DS was fed first.

Has anybody said switch phone off while feeding - rather than having one within reach? Or at any rate take one off the hook and stuff it under a pillow or something? Or put all the ringers on silent? Personally I could have done without the distraction...

i STILL take the phone off if i'm geting dd to sleep at difficult timea.i figure what i'm doing at this moment in time is more important than what anybody has to tell me........(i have the mobile on for emergencies!)....Aloha, you're welcome....and i also think having changing things in every room is a good idea......oh i am getting a bit broody reading all this.....DP would have another one tomorrow,,,,mmmmmmmmmm,,,got me thinking

Just thinking on the Emotions after the birth. I've just had a memory of my dad visiting after 4 days and telling me kinly to sit down and have a rest and i SCREAMED at him that i didn't want to sit down..............then went into the kitchen + cried.+cried..

We have the big changing mat on the kitchen table with wipes next to it and and stack of nappies, bibs, muslin squares and nappy sacks in a bag close by. Saves you bending down to change baby. Make sure you have loads of bibs. Put muslin squares or terry nappies under baby's head in moses basket, on play gym mat, in pram - soaks up any sick and saves stripping sheets. Stay in touch with ante natal group - a total life saver, they understand what you are going through more than your Mum or your dh. After a week or so, if you feel strong enough, go for a little stroll with dh and pram after baby is fed, people will stop you and admire your baby and you will feel completely proud and emotional. Go for it and good luck!!

Get your DH to have the car seat fitted early, so he doesnt have to figure it out in a mad rush if the baby's early (like mine did ).

Buy yourself a new pair of silky pyjamas, so that even if you dont get dressed all day, you still feel good!

As soon as you come in, get your DH to make a cuppa for you both, and take 1/2hr to just relax as a new family. Dont even think about unpacking/doing anything the day you come home...its such a special day...just enjoy it.

Take baby on tour of the house.

Get your mum/MIL/friend to come up for say an hour a day to make dinners/clean house. Really makes a difference to you enjoying your baby.

Buy plenty of cheap babygros (Tescos are good value)- this is all your baby will wear at beginning.

Make sure to be sensitive to your husbands feelings. If you breastfeed he may feel slightly "left out", so try to make him feel involved, say by giving baby a bath.

Stock up on biscuits, and instead of you rushing round to make tea for visitors, get them to make it for you.

DONT......buy loads of baby wipes, until you see if your baby has sensitive skin, as may be better with just cotton wool and lukewarm water.

DONT....buy loads of bedding, as I promise you'll never need the half of it. Once baby is a few months old you can use "grobags", which are mini sleeping bags, just fantastic, and mean dont need top blankets.

DONT....worry about ironing baby clothes...not on long enough!

Most importantly.......Realise now that no matter how much advice you get from anyone, YOU will know best. YOU are the baby's mother, and your instincts will ALWAYS keep you right.

GOOD LUCK & ENJOY !

aloha's advice is great - wish I could have read that before I brought ds home.

I was so frightened, but 4 years on I would say this!

Feel proud when you show the baby his/her house.
Introduce baby to your pet straight away. My adored spaniel was confused about why I had been away, and what this little being was. I made a fuss of her immediatly, and let her sniff the baby. they have been firm friends since.
Take every opportunity to sit down/sleep/have a cup of tea/glass of champagne whatever. within a few days you will be running round exhausted, thirsty and underfed.
When you are tired, tell visitors "Please go home". I didn't, but wish I had.
even if you are using disposable nappies, buy or beg a pack of old fashioned terry ones, they mop up everything, breastmilk, sick, wee, spilt coffee etc etc etc
ENJOY THOSE FIRST DAYS
BE PROUD capitals are deliberate

Remember to show baby's father he isn't forgotten

Just woke up and couldn't believe that this thread had so many replies. THANKS to everyone. It made me feel quite tearful. This is weird as I am usually a hard old cow. It's also made me feel a lot better about bringing baby home. I will be keeping Pc near so anything I want to know I will just post Urgent, wiltshires baby. And no I am not in Wiltshire, I am in Essex.

thanks for starting this thread wiltshire - we're expecting our first too.... and were also wondering what happens when you get home!! scary aint it?

If the baby is slightly sick in the middle of the night (DS always was) just turn the mattress round or put baby in other end of cot.

wilts - good on you asking! I really wish I had done, I was totally unprepared when we brought dd home!!

Make sure you have enough easy-to-eat food in the house to feed a few elephants!! Buy a load of milk and stick it in the freezer, then when your baby is born you'll have a huge supply of easy to get drink-and-food-in-one!

Don't stress too much about doing things the way a book says, if the way you want to do it is safe as well. DD wouldn't sleep in her crib for the first 3 weeks after we brought her home (and stayed in hospital for 2 weeks!) and I was too tired to try and sort it out. She slept fine in her rocker (it lies back fairly flat) so I just kept that in our bedroom and let her sleep there. I kept trying her in her crib first and eventually she just slept there instead.

Just take it really easy and don't blame yourself for anything. Ignore what you think you should do and if you need to spend all day in bed, do it and don't give it a second thought!

And forgot to mention - come on Mumsnet for ANYTHING. It helped me through so many things, not just with advice from other people, but just having a distraction and knowing that there's ALWAYS at least one person there when you are.

Make sure your dh has the chance to do as much as possible without interfering. My dh was mid 40s when we had our first child, never had anything to do with babies. Because I had a spinal tap (epidural went mildly wrong - not serious) I had to be flat nursed in hospital for 10 days, so he was the one who learnt how to bath her, change nappies etc. I think it did a huge amount for his self confidence - no chance of me bustling in and being efficient woman v cackhanded male. Thinking how clueless he is about anything domestic, I'm sure that 10 days really proved to him that not merely could he do it, but that he loved doing it. He was not merely besotted but very capable by the time we all got home - and then we put all the heating on in the middle of a heatwave!

But most of all, look, cuddle and wonder at the baby

Message withdrawn

Love Aloha's advice - complete common sense.

I found it easier to keep a changing mat and supply of nappies, wipes etc downstairs and up. That way I didn't have to keep walking up and down, not easy if you are sore or stiff, or you are worried about dropping the baby ! I kept all the baby paraphenalia, red book etc in a cheap plastic chest of drawers by the armchair for the first 6 weeks or so, with an ever-full glass of water on hand for feeding marathons, tv remote control to hand. Also ds napped in his pram downstairs during the day (dd in her bouncy chair) which I think helped them differentiate day from night and also they learnt to sleep through household noise.

Above all enjoy those early days together

get in some nipple shields just in case breast feeding hurts so much that you're considering giving up. With my first, it was unbearable by day 3 but I got hte n.ss, used them for about 4 days and was then fine. midwives aren't always a lot of use about this

Don't be surprised if you feel much worse physically, right at the beginning, than you expected (first time round, I had a rough birth and for the first three weeks I felt as if I'd been kicked in the stomach by a horse). It will pass.

Try to forgive your dh if and when the two of you get horribly stressed out with each other - babies really put pressure on EVERY relationship.

Bear in mind that all those 'good' babies everyone else has are in fact mutants bred in a laboratory somewhere. Real babies are just like yours and mine.

Refrain from trying on your pre-pregnancy jeans. It will almost certainly end in tears.

Lol Motherinferior. I always wondered about those "good babies", but I have to add dd wasn't that bad.
This is a great idea for a thread, my dd is now 3.8 and the next will be in here in a week (hopefully!) and I've forgotten all this myself, so needed a reminder too.
I was lucky enough to have a kraamzorg with dd who helped enormously in setting that initial routine and showing me which end to put the nappy on (sometimes you feel like both need one).
I can't add a whole lot and after Alohas perfect response which left me feeling all gooey, I prob need some more tips myself.
One thing I do remember is to watch your back, bathing and changing should all be done at a mangable height (even though we've all changed nappies on the floor). Your back is prone to hurt if you stress it too much.
Finally ...now don't all laugh at this because it did work. One day after dd was born my Mum (who was staying with us) looked in the freezer to see what we could have for dinner. She found what she thought was fish and took it out to defrost. As it turned out my wonderful Kraamzorg had cut sanitary towels into strips and bunged them in the freezer.
When my milk came in I tucked them into my bra and hey presto......v.cold but instant relief

Good points aloha as per, maybe you should write a book as well as mears?

The main thing I remember was the visitors, so maybe if you are tired, tell them to come another day. And get naps in when you can and don't do the housework like I tried to. Babies don't notice dust.

I am sure you will be fine, don't forget the birth announcement on mumsnet!

Angelmother, what's a kraamzorg???? (Sounds like something out of Toy Story )

Lol JanH A Kraamzorg is a Dutch equivalent of a post-natal Doula. Unbelieveably invaluable and completely free on the Dutch national health. They come for 8 days after the birth and do EVERYTHING for you child and family........worth their weight in gold