Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Accused of stealing

53 replies

quofan · 08/10/2005 14:53

Hello, I'm new here and I need advice. I have just been approached by the mum of one of my daughters 'friends' who says that my daughter(9) has stolen gel pens worth £15 from her kids school bag. I was shocked, as just yesterday we were called into school about my dd lying about her teachers - this is so uncharacteristic. I have given her every opportunity to own up, telling her I'd be proud if she did own up and so on, but she insists she did not take them. Trouble is 2 year 8's say they saw her do it too. She is distraught and is worried about school on Monday. She says I can call the police cos she really did not do it. I am so unsure here. I want to believe her but find it hard cos of the lies yesterday, but I don't want her to feel that she cannot trust me if she really is telling the truth. Please help me What do I do?

OP posts:

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 17:14

And i don't think that the girl is to blame, even partly. Silly yes, but not to blame.

What else would be at blame, shops for putting things where they could get nicked?

Not saying quofans dd did it btw, but presumably someone did, and that someone was wrong

BadHair · 08/10/2005 17:14

Does anyone think that the mother was exaggerating when she said the pens cost £15? You'd be hard pushed to find a set for that price, unless they're coated in gold - you can get them for a third of the price in any supermarket.
Bet she's trying it on to see if she can guilt trip quofan into coughing up some cash.

Nightynight · 08/10/2005 17:20

well, she may have just lost the pens?

Stealing is wrong, and should be sorted out, but shouldnt the punishment fit the crime, whereas being labelled as a thief aged 9, and studying alongside people who remember that for the next 7 years at least, is a very harsh punishment.

why do schools have No valuables rules, if it is not to prevent thefts? surely when we are talking about children, preventing thefts is to protect both the victim AND the thief.

Whereas, when we are talking about adults who are old enough to make a rational decision to commit a crime, then we can say they are more blameworthy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Nightynight · 08/10/2005 17:20

badhair - they probably came from whsmith!
sadly, I have no hesitation in believing that part.

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 17:22

No, don't get me wrong I'm not saying the person responsible should be named and shamed! These are children that we are talking about.

However I don't agree that the child who took the pens to school was in part 'responsible' for their theft. Because to my mind that this the thin end of a rather nasty wedge. Even if tempted children shouldn't nick things. Granted it would have been better if the child hadn't taken them to school but she wasn't responsible for their theft.

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 17:24

Also I am confused how quofan's dd is 9 but two year 8 girls (who would be 12 in the UK system) saw her do it.

Nightynight · 08/10/2005 17:25

actually, I do believe a personal responsibility not to be a victim of crime! But this is a minority view on mumsnet

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 17:32

Rather depends on who decides where that personal responsibilty starts and when 'blame the victim' takes over , don't you think?

Shades of upper class judges blaming girls for being raped?

doormat · 08/10/2005 17:54

quofan dont know if this has been mentioned but
are you sure she isnt getting bullied, as you put it her behaviour in school of late is "uncharacteristic"
not saying she has stolen btw
just a thought

Nightynight · 08/10/2005 17:55

I have a very strong belief in a high level of personal responsibility (class not a issue)
guaranteed to cause a riot on mumsnet if I post any more on the subject.
Ill reserve it for the night of the big meetup perhaps.

Nightynight · 08/10/2005 17:56

doormat · 08/10/2005 18:01

btw agree with everyone on the issue of fifteen nicker for a set of gel pens,dont part with the cash

albosmum · 08/10/2005 18:05

15 pounds worth of gel pens even scented ones is about 45 pens (3 for a pound usually) - i think you/teacher might have noticed

Original poster

quofan · 08/10/2005 18:34

I have searched all dds things and not one thing she doesnt own has turned up. Also, a y7 girl said the same thing happened to her and it was the witnesses that had actually stolen the things. DD also thinks it would be a good idea to inform the police so she can clear her name, so I dont think she is lying now.

OP posts:

Original poster

quofan · 08/10/2005 18:34

OP posts:

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 18:36

Are the two girls in y8 friends of your dd or the gild with the pens?

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 18:36

Is something else going on here?

hunkerpumpkin · 08/10/2005 18:47

Were the witnesses the same girls in the case of the year 7 girl?

Original poster

quofan · 08/10/2005 19:14

friends of the accusor I think. Anyway, I'll be at school on Monday to defend dd

OP posts:

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 19:15

For the best, I think.

tigermoth · 08/10/2005 19:18

Oh, I wouldn't trust those witnesses tbh. No proof that they are telling the truth. They could have planted the pens on her. Could be a massive wind up and agree that the bullying theory is very plausible.

I too find it hard to believe the set of gell pens cost £15.00 - must be at the luxury end of the market. I can buy a set for £1.00 at our Pound Shop.

I think you have to believe your daughter for now. Say to her this so called 'theft' must be a one off. By the law of averages these things hardly ever happen. So if someone accuses her of stealing again in the next few months, you will have to look into it much more closely as this is so unlikely a coincidence. It means someone, very possibly the witnesses, are not telling the truth.

If by any remote chance your dd did steal the pens could this have been in reaction to you being called in to see her teachers about her lying? perhaps she was upset?

Did other girls know you and your dd had to see the teacher? perhaps your dd was being teased about it and someone took it further by setting her up as a thief? horrible thought

No way would I trust the witnesses against my child.

I would sympathise for the 'loss' not 'theft' of the pens to the girl's mother - careful not to assume responsiblity, then see how things develop in the next few days.

Sadly, if you offer to replace the pens, it will look like you believe your dd stole them, adding more to the story that your dd is 'the thief'.

WickedWitchOfTheWestCountryLas · 08/10/2005 21:17

I reckon the 2 year 8s took them.

happymerryberries · 08/10/2005 21:18

Ms Scarlet in the library with the gel pens

Psychobabble · 08/10/2005 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

batters · 08/10/2005 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3