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Parenting

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Original poster

Have you got "baby" friends you've nothing in common with?

26 replies

halloweenhorror · 08/10/2005 09:42

We moved to this area when I was pregnant with dd1 and I joined a baby group to meet people. I've kept in touch with these mums and we've all had second or third babies by now. But I'm now realising I've got nothing in common with most of these girls, they are all SAHM's and have no intention of working (financially they don't have to)or doing anything new once their youngest kids go to school. Whereas I've always worked p/t as we desperatley need the money. I find it really hard to meet new mums as I work p/t from home and so don't get out and mix.

Anyone else like this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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freakyzebra · 08/10/2005 10:00

Only 1. We both have big families (i have 3, she's exprcting no. 5). She drives a 4x4 (we r car-free ecofreaks); she bottlefed (I only breastfed); she wears designer clothes (I wrote the book on the scruffy look).

Quite funny, really. I still like her.

expatinscotland · 08/10/2005 10:00

No.

meggymoo · 08/10/2005 10:03

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Original poster

halloweenhorror · 08/10/2005 10:04

lucky you expat.

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Original poster

halloweenhorror · 08/10/2005 10:05

maybe that's it meggymoo.I'm too fussy and should just get on with it.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 08/10/2005 10:06

I work outside the home, that may be some of it. Most of my pals don't have kids at all, in fact. Which is good, b/c most enjoy babysitting and 'borrowing' a child for a bit.

meggymoo · 08/10/2005 10:07

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TrickorTwiglett · 08/10/2005 10:07

you sound pretty damning of SAHMs with no intention of working, is this the only reason you have 'nothing in common' with these people or is it really personalities

the only way to meet other mums is through groups / parks or school pick-ups .. keep at it .. in every group I joined when DS was a baby I made one or two good friends .. a couple have dropped by the wayside but people are out there

meggymoo · 08/10/2005 10:09

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Nemo666 · 08/10/2005 10:10

I have a few friends who I dont have a lot in common with but our kids..yet we get on. I dont see anything wrong with it. I have had the opposite happen and have lost friends who were childless as they didnt understand why I cant drop everything to pop around to thier house or they dont really want you to turn up with baby/toddler in tow.

meggymoo · 08/10/2005 10:11

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Nemo666 · 08/10/2005 10:11

I agree meggymoo

meggymoo · 08/10/2005 10:13

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Nemo666 · 08/10/2005 10:15

pmsl...yeah must be.

SenoraBruja · 08/10/2005 10:19

I was going to say what meggymoo said.

Apart from anything else, motherhood changes you much more than, say, university and having nothing else in common doesn't really matter so much. It is the great leveller of women.

Original poster

halloweenhorror · 08/10/2005 11:20

twiglet, I'm not at all against SAHM who don't work, maybe I'm just jealous they don't have to work and they still have a very comfortable life with holidays and big houses, whilst we're in the opposite boat.

I know I'll get told off now for being materialistic, I'm not, but when I have friends who can spend all day having coffee or going to the gym whilst someone is cleaning their house I know I have to make new friends. But when you're past the playgroup stage it isn't easy.

OP posts:

Nemo666 · 08/10/2005 12:49

HH not all sahm have nice houses and big holidays. I am a sahm who lives in a 3 bed semi..it is ours[well mortgaged] and we have no money whatso ever..as a number of threads i have posted show. I am a sahm because of illness but it is also not financially viable for me to send ds to nursery and me to work. As the nursery around here that is semi decent is £650 a month and we dont have anyone else who could look after ds. I am also now expecting no.2 which I am embarresed to say because of our financial situation we actually discussed [briefly i may add] the possibility of putting baby up for adoption. So while you may think sahm tend to have a easier lifestyle[ as I used to do too] it is not necessarily the case.

Lmccrean · 08/10/2005 13:08

I have 4 close friends, who I have a lot in common with, from mums and tots, out of the 60 odd mums that go (I go to 3 different ones)Three of them are SAHMs, one of which will be returning to work in a few months, and the fourth is a childminder, and all in similar finacial situation (but im single 21, and they are married and 35-40yrs old)

What about doing a short "hobby" course at a local college? You will meet new people with similar interests that way. Look out for walking groups too..I joined one on Monday mornings, and its mainly pensioners, but dd (2) and I love it.

crazycanuck · 08/10/2005 13:09

I think HH may be referring specifically to the SAHM's she knows....

Lmccrean · 08/10/2005 13:09

and if you get wftc you can get courses for £10 to £20

CountessCatbertula · 08/10/2005 13:18

I used to work with many people and developed great friendships, without having very much in common other that our work. I see motherhood as no different really, except we all really DO have something in common now and that's our children!

My ante natal group contains mothers who work part time, and who are SAHMs. We all have our reasons for our choices. Among them are a police woman, educational phsycologist, solicitor, marketing manager, teachers, and a professional singer/dancer. I would have met none of these women in my old life, and I feel enriched by knowing them now!

You will meet other mums at the school gate sooner or later. It is hard to do, but very worth it, to establish who your child likes to play with and invite them for tea or something. It is always interesting to talk to other people, even if you find your past lives were very different.

albosmum · 08/10/2005 13:33

Yes0 despite this i still continue to go out and meet more people all the time - sometimes we do only have children in common and talk about them only. My frinds who i gossip with etc live miles away

kbaby · 09/10/2005 09:41

I read somewhere that there are different types of friends each person has ie close friends you grow up with and then theres the friends that see you through stages of your life ie work friends, friends of husbands/boyfriends and then baby/child friends. At that stage in your life you have something in common with them.

How many people are you friends with in work which outside of work you wouldnt bother with.

Im friends with 2 of my antenatal friends and we are all completly different with not much other than children in common, ones a sahm, one works p/t and I work full time. But I still enjoy their company. The friendship may not last for ever but does it really matter.

Pruni · 09/10/2005 09:55

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Dior · 09/10/2005 11:25

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