How on earth do you cope with more than one??

[tex111]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second baby. My DS is three and I've had a terrible day with him. We both have a bug and it's made me very tired but it seems to make him very naughty. Had an awful, trying dinner then the struggle to get him into bed. As I sat in the dark waiting for him to fall asleep I was dreaming about the peace and quiet and hot cup of tea I would have as soon as he dozed off. Then realised that in a few very short weeks I would have another baby waiting to make insistent demands as soon as I left DS's room. Ended up sitting in the dark in tears.

How do you Mums of more than one cope? Are there tricks to it? Especially in the first year. DH is very involved and supportive but has a demanding job and often misses bedtime for DS and has regular trips abroad. Right now I just can't imagine how I'm going to survive.

If you try to imagine how it's going to work, you'll go bonkers with worry. It just does, somehow, honestly! A bit like trying to work out if you can afford to have a baby!

I had less than 2 years beteen mine, and when I was pregnant with DD I remeber being in tears at the thought of it all. DS was horrendous as a toddler, and I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't bloody hard work when DD was born. Somehow, though, it all came together, and I found a good routine helped.
Don't be too hard on yourself, accept that some days will be crap and others brilliant fun, accept that you'll not be able to do as much housework etc as usual for the first few months (or years in my case!) and use MN lots.

if you are moving to a new area, make sure before baby comes you find out a list of good places to go after the birth... I used to get into car with my 2 and then just freeze, wondering where the hell to go... have a list of 3-4 places you can easily get to with both...

double up on stuff so you have changing stuff downstairs so you can reduce running up and down stairs... toddlers always want to go to and can get mad on the stairs..

use the hour in the evening when they are both in bed and before you open wine/have bath/ignore the housework just to do a bit of planning for the next day -- clothes out, bags packed, plans made.. so much easier done without them around!!

remember to enjoy it...seeing my DS transformed into a big brother and seeing a whole new side of him with his sister just has been the best experience of my life and who cares if the house is a tip -- I will tidy up when they have left...

so my other top tip -- keep camera out at all times for those heartmelting moments....

Bozza, that's really interesting about it being easier after baby's born than while heavily preggers. I wondered about that. I'm so big and heavy now. Just being able to put the baby down rather than carry her all day (if you see what I mean) would be a nice change.

So many great tips! I'm taking notes.

set target of Doing One Thing A Day (that One Thing can be Getting Dressed or say Posting a Letter)

Tex - I also found life with a newborn and 2.5 year old easier than with a bump and 2.4 year old! I found my ds's behaviour deteriorated before dd was born and I think it's because he was worried about what would happen when the baby arrived. When she was born his testing behaviour dissappeared overnight.

Agree with everyone here about trying to work out now how you will get through daily routines with a baby too. There are some good practical things you can buy to help you - for instance we got one of those self supporting bath seats so I could bath them both together - the baby could go in the bath with ds without me having to hold her all the time. Slings are great for giving the baby what it needs - snuggled with you) while giving your older child the attention they need too.

Tex111 - 35 weeks already???!!

Oh I second the comment about it being easier when they arrive rather than being heavily pregnant!!! You'll be fine and your ds will probably be a bit of a help to you at times too.

I third it ... the joys of being able to run again rather than just waddle exhaustedly!

coddy is right, you will wonder what you did all day when you just had one child.
You will be so much more experienced/relaxed that baby no 2 will just slot right in. Remember that newborn babies sleep and feed and pooh and that?s pretty much all. He/she will love to be propped up in a bouncy chair and watch big brother messing about.
Also yr ds being 3 means he will be able to help you in all sorts of ways, very importan that (eg fetching nappies, toys etc, pulling faces/singing songs to the baby etc etc)
Do you have any childcare/nursery school in place for ds? I wd recommend this when the new baby comes, with ds2 I kept my older 2 at the childminders just for a little peace and time for me and the baby.

good advice (now I read the thread!) from popsycal and aloha re getting out - anywhere! otherwise you could just sink into a morass of dressing gowns and drooping round the house.
Also sobernow re fitting in baby into the scheme of things and keeping toddler?s routine the same as far as possible.
And oh yes tex, I do recall longing to put down dd as I carried ds1 up the stairs... that's a really good thing about 2yo and baby over 2 yo and bump!

i have a 22 month gap (ds-2.1, dd-3months). mostly it is fine, sometimes great. dd adores ds. ds ignores dd. Main problem, that i have had with both mine, is that they won't be put down. but a sling takes care of that. sometimes I have to carry both, and then I am a bit grumpy.

and honestly, it is easier than being 35 wks pg with a toddler. that is just exhausting.

cut your expectations right down. as long as everyone is fed and breathing at the end of the day, you have done your job. if you have actually got them to the park, you are a truly fab mummy.

don't compare to others. they may have more support, easier kids, etc. or if not they are probably too smug

a morning routine is good. I get me and dd dressed while ds is in his bath. (there is nothing wrong with having 2 or 3 baths a day, btw, if they like it! It keeps them in one place, they get to play with water with minimal mess, and you can sit and feed the baby)

Agree get out by 10 most days. but come back for lunch if thats easier, then let ds play. this is what we do, but my ds is still young enough to need watching cos he runs off.

And there is nothing wrong with encouraging quite a lot of independent play from your ds.

And if you possibly possilby can, have some time with no children. I've only just managed this but it is really really worth it. Just watching tv with baba asleep on your partner and ds in bed-thats all I get (and not every night) but makes such a difference.

I felt exactly the same as you 4 months ago, + Im taking them both on holiday alone next week, so don't worry, you will be fine.

I have 21 months between 1 and 2 and 22 months between 2 and 3 then an 8 year gap then 21 months between 4 and 5

22 months between my two and to be honest I found the first few months really really hard, BUT this is because I was trying to be super mum to all and this is not possible.

Your eldest will not keel over if she lives on sandwiches and pizza for a month and your youngest will not fade away if she has to cry a little if you are busy with your eldest.

Do not under any circumstances try to make home made chicken nuggets when you have had 2 hours sleep, that's my advice. A nap is a far better use of your time.

xx