Anyone else's dh/dp refuse to help out after work?

[GillLevey]

On Sunday I had to take dh to work at 07:30, look after 5 1/2 month old dd all day and then pick him up at 18:45. When we got home I ran dd's bath and asked dh if he wanted to bath her but he said "no, I've been at work all day". So I said "I have to bath her when I get home from work in the week" to which he replied "I knew that was coming!" and still refused to do it.

I work Monday to Friday 9.00 til 17.30. I get home at 18.45 after picking up dd from my mum's and then don't stop until I go to bed (bathing, washing, washing up, dinner etc). Dh doesn't work every day so looks after dd in the week if he's not at work. When I get in from work I have to take over and he watches tv, goes on the computer, usual stuff.

I get so annoyed about this but don't want an argument. I like having this time with her after work but I hate the fact that he never offers to help out. I don't understand why he doesn't like to have this time with her, especially considering, when he's on nights, he doesn't see her for days. Is anyone in a similar situation?

Sorry, that was meant to be for spikeycat

Haven't read all the posts but I have to say that my dp used to be just like yours. I worked the same hours too.
Things built up when ds2 was otw and I just snapped one day, packed some clothes for me and ds1 and went to my mum's. I really did mean to leave him - I rang housing associations and put myself on the lists.
In the end we talked, I realised I still loved him and he realised that I was exhausted and really needed the help. Since then he's been almost the perfect dad, although I still do most of the housework. He baths our dses while I wash up then we both read them stories.
Have to go as work is shutting, but do talk to him. HTH.

hows this - when your working he cooks tea. when he is you do it - first one home does it if your both working.

who ever cooks tea has by default then not got to wash up so if he cooks tea - you wash the dishes.

who ever is home all day baths the kid

and you dont need to bath the kid every night.

you get him a washing basket and tell him to wash his own stuff and iron his own stuff for work - if his mummy has always done it and he pulls that "i dont know how" shit - offer him a lesson - if he huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes then a gentle reminder loud enough for the corner shop to hear will do like this " i wasn't born with the fking skills to cook clean sew and change nappies - i am no more physically disposed to it - i wasnt born with houswifery skills i either learned them or have subsewquently learned them since leaving home - its not a fking natural fking skill"

if he refuses - let him go to work dirty and creased - hes a grown man for gods sake. no really hes a grown man. tell him to grown up or fck off.

sit dwon and agree a plan of free time. we do whoever is on computer can largely ignore the kids. we alternate computer from hour to hour usually in the evenings.

who ever is at home with kid does housework too.

wheres the rolling tumbleweed when you need it?

Only just come back on.. Basically, he said that he worked f/t (I only work p/t) and that he drove an hour to and from work, and that he would like dinner made for him when got in, and the boys in bed, and he would like the first lie in at the weekend.

Bascially, we went round and round and I gave up in the end, then he had an accident so he could do absolutly nothing for months, and he's never gone back - goodluck!

wow, two hours' driving a day with nothing to do but listen to the radio and think! What an incredibly lucky man.

NB I was giving advice on this thread but am I any good at applying it? - NO. Dh is a lot better than some but a lot worse than others. The hardest thing is his illness but the next hardest thing is the difference in time value. If he looks after ds for 30 minutes that equates to me looking after him for about 6 hours.

I know, and like I said, when I leave my p/t job, I go to another job, that I never get to leave (the kids, the house work, the washing etc). at least he is his own person when hes at work, not trying to juggle a million balls. The other thing is that he then adds another complication by using me as a babysitters for sd's when ew wants to work!!!

I laughed when I read your post Custardo as I always get the 'well you're so much better at it than I am' routine when it comes to washing/ironing etc. To be honest I don't think he would really care if he went to work wearing creased shirts

I spoke to him this morning when he got in from work. I told him that when he has dd during the day then he will bath her and put her to bed and when he is off at the weekend then we will do one day each. I didn't ask him - I told him he didn't have a choice!!! He didn't argue. I think this is because he knows I let him get away with not doing much.

I don't mind making the dinner and washing up in the evening if he takes care of dd. I just don't like having to look after her and do the dinner and the washing up while he watches tv/browses the web. What gets me is that he can filter out all the crying. I have to actually ask him to pick her up!!