Life Choices

[northernlass1]

Has anyone made any life changing decisions which have really worked out eg emigrating, taking on a small holding, giving up work etc.

dh can retire next year at 38 (if he wants)with 1/3 salary as a yearly pension (14k) and a lump sum of a years salary. We've recently inherited some money and have about 400k in house equity (I know we are very lucky in this respect!!).

dh is away a lot with the job which puts a big strain on our marriage and the children are hard work on your own. We're also living in the south where house prices are enormous.

Beginning to think a lot about completely changing our life, ds is nearly 4 and dd is 1.5. School in the village is brilliant though but we have few friends here and no family (only recently moved). I love it in the north.

What would fellow mumsnetters do in our position??

I'm with Slug. It's not that hard but just be prepared to whether (god it's late and I can't even focus on the right words/spelling) the storm when homsickenss kicks in. I found it harder coming to the UK this time as I made some fantastic friends back home and we were all at the same stage in our life which I feel I am missing out on.

am so jealous.... no really really jealous, ok slightly bitter and jealous - maybe more bitter than jealous.

move to france

I also am a sickly green colour... though I don't know why as I have no idea what I'd do in your situation! Just enjoy, I guess

I had been running a restaurant in Scotland and gave that up and my then boyfriend went over to Feance with his job. I arrived a fter letting my flat, he said he didn't love me anymore(!) so I got my own appartment, got a job as an English language teacher ( anyone can do it because you speak better English than them generally)et voila.I did a TEFL later. YOu can either put yourself in a British 'ghetto' (in the south there are swarms of British) or you can mix with other mums at the park after school etc. I find wherever I live (I'm in Belgium now) you just have to stick your neck out and talk to people and hope for the best.Go for it . It's not always easy but it's enriching.

I would love to be an independent midwife, but with 4 kids a hubby and a house to keep I couldn't afford to give up the day job (even though I am pretty unhappy at the moment). Couldn't afford the insurance - wouldn't want to work without it.

custardo - but is france really better than here? I think I'll book a holiday out in France (laperlaliving.com have nice houses to rent)for next month, and see what we think.

mmm - there are loads of questions I want to ask you about living in France (husband is 1/2 French and we are considering it) but don't want to hijack the thread. Would you be willing, and if so, how can I get in contact with you?

I would love to hear the comments to so can we hijack this thread or start a new one.

northernlass - weather (from halfway down or so), food, wine, health service, shorter working week, loads of space for not as much money, never see roadworks, TGV, nearer to other countries = cheaper to go on holiday, er any more anyone?

Also - better health service, generally quite welcoming (certainly much more than the South East of England.... I am not moaning .... really)
Cheaper for most things

On the downside - if the language is not your strong point and you move to a village you may struggle to get going...

jennifersophia - of course, I don't know how you'd get in touch with me - I don't want to give you my address/phone /email actually here but sure if you can find a way by asking at the base of the site or whatever.

thanks mmm - started new thread. See living in France? in 'other subjects'...

Northernlass ... how about New Zealand?
We came here a year ago and it was the best thing we ever did. I love it here!
We lived in the South East of England in a weeeny house with a postage stamp of a garden ... DH worked ridiculously long hours and I worked 3 days a week and we still were in massive debt. We came here on a holiday to see DH's family and DH found a job so we decided to make the plunge.
We aren't rolling in money ... still have to watch the pennies in a big way BUT we have a bigger house ... enormous garden in comparison to what we had in the UK ... nicer weather ... no debts ... I don't need to work at the moment ... and DS loves it. My parents moved countries several times when I was a child and it did me no harm whatsoever ... in fact as long as I was with my parents I didn't really care where I was.
OK ... we are a long way away from my family and I do miss them an awful lot ... so much sometimes that it hurts BUT this is about me and DH and DS ... it is our future and we had to do something to get out of the quagmire that we were in back home ... drastic but necessary ... and I wouldn't move back to England now for anything ....
I made a real effort as soon as I moved here to find friends and now a year on I have a nice little circle of mates that I know are there for me ....
I believe that a move like this can whatever you want it to be ..... you have to put in some work but you do get so many rewards ....
Come to New Zealand ....

We decided to make a change - we moved from Edinburgh to the Outer Hebrides.
I suffer from depression - real depressive tendencies which were exacerbated trying to live and work in a city. I lost my job just at the same time that dh was looking for his next training post, and he saw a job advertised in the BMJ for the Western Isles Hospital. It was for 6 months so we thought 'lets give it a go'. Well, almost 7 years later we are still here. We loved it from the word go. Yes, it is isolated. Yes, there aren't any big shops and lots of good restaurants and concerts and theatre (and no cinema). Yes, it is expensive to travel back and forward to the mainland. But it has meant I can work part time (currently full time sahm) and do a lot of stuff I couldn't otherwise have done (like an MEd and starting a craft business). Dh loves his work (now a fully trained GP and working in the local practice) and his hours, while involving a lot of time on call, mean he is out of the house from 9am -5.30 pm most days. The air is clean, the water is clean, the beaches are amazing, no-one locks their houses or cars, the schools are fab, children are safe (in Stornoway, the main town, most still walk to school unaccompanied and play in the street), the health service is fab (some of the shortest waiting lists in the country - ie wisdom teeth op 2 months, hip replacement 5 months) and the people are incredibly friendly. Property prices are low, which makes us a lot better off than we would be on the mainland (our 3 bed house with huge kitchen and lounge, with granny flat, thatched tourist cottage, 1/4 acre land and big parking area cost under £80k)
It all sounds too good to be true, doesnt it. The weather can be dreadful, you do need to get away occasionally and get some 'civilisation' but we have never for a minute regretted our move and I can't see us living on the mainland again.
I know you are thinking about something far more radical, but I thought you would like to hear of a big life-changing move that worked out and made us much happier than we would ever have been in Edinburgh. I've posted it elsewhere so may as well do it here too, where we live

Sounds wonderful Susanmt !!!!
We didn't move, so not as exciting as some of your stories, but DH and I both went P/T.
We still overlap 2 days a week, so we still have us all rushing out of the house on those days, but it's great to get up, only have yourself to get ready and leave them all in bed.
The pace of life is much slower, we manage to get most of the chores done, at our own pace on our days off in the week, so weekends are just family time.
We feel far more "equal" in the relationship, neither feels, they earn all the money, or spend all their time looking after the kids. When we do have a bad day at home, the other completely understands, and yet we both still have the social aspect of going to work.
The boys are going to school in September, neither of us wants to increase our hours, so our days off will be time for ourselves.
Can't wait !!!!!

Well, we've certainly done a life change. I'm british, my dh is dutch, and we met at college where we were training to work cross culturally. We now live and work in Central Asia as charity volunteers for a NGO. We intend to stay here for a good few years. One of my reasons was that when I was old I wanted to be able to look back at my life and say that I had done something interesting and worthwhile with it. Where we live is not pretty, and the lifestyle is not all roses, but it is fascinating, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
If you are thinking of goign overseas, remember that the language is a real issue. We have spent loads of time learning Russian, and we still can't follow the TV soaps! You can feel very isolated if you don't speak the lingo well. Also, no matter how great it is, you will always be an outsider, its just that some places are more welcoming to outsiders than others!
The other thing is that you are always free to change your mind. You can do something for a year or two and then change. If you dh's career isn't going to suffer 9because he's retiring, you can do almost anything! Join VSO for a year or two. Go and teach English somewhere exotic. The children will usually benefit from that kind of experience (unless they're about to sit GCSE's or something)
We have a flat in the UK which is let so that we have somewhere to come back to, and we pay into a pension fund, but we are not bothered about a career ladder, or high salaries (just as well, I haven't dared to read the how much do you earn thread, I think we'd come bottom, but then the local bazaar is a bit cheaper than Tescos) be brave, have an adventure, when we have a bad moment, we always say it'll make a great story to tell the grandchildren!!

Another vote for moving...somewhere different at least.

We moved to Spain 3 years ago (didn't change jobs though - internet freelancers). Like the others, I have no regrets - if nothing else it's worth it just to experience another culture.

I do however think about moving home sometimes - partly because of little things I miss about the UK like newspapers and real ale, but mostly because I miss my friends and family. I have friends here, but as you (Northernlass) know from moving to the South it takes a long time to build up real, be-there-for-you-whatever-happens friendships (not to mention that when you're trying to learn another language too it can be really hard work).

As in France, you can either live in a British ex-pat ghetto or in "real Spain". We tried both and I felt like a fish out of water among the ex-pats. Many were nice (though many weren't), but I just didn't have much in common with anybody.

So - good things and bad things. Generally positive though (feeling a bit sorry for myself today, despite the 40C sunshine. some people are never happy! )

agree about language too, steppemum.

I'm afraid I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about British people who move to another country without giving their kids any grounding in the language at all - they will pick it up, yes, but you can make it easier for them. Could rant for ages about this, but I'll leave it there.

Also agree about being an outsider (but at least my Spanish is now good enough that people don't immediately know I'm English - they know i'm foreign, but can't place me). But there again you get the never-really-accepted thing in English villages if you weren't born there. I try to ignore it and relish my quasi-celebrity status as one of 2 English women in the village!

We've just moved (last September) from London to Barnard Castle (County Durham). DD was born in October.

So far we haven't regretted it at all. Dh works 2 days in london in IT which is enough for us to live on in the North East. I left a job in marketing and am now a sahm. I really enjoyed my time in London but the thing I miss most about it now is my friends there and I think it will take several years for us to make friends up here. We will shortly be taking over running my parents holiday cottage business which will be a big jump into the unknown so I can't say whether it will be a success or not for us.

I do think you need to have a very good reason for going somewhere, and it depends what sort of person you are. My dh loves running and mountain biking so this area is perfect for that. I like being close to my family and being able to touch the earth a bit, and to have time to sit and daydream (luckily dd is a good sleeper!)I've also been studying art in London and would like to take that up again.

On a practical front, holiday cottages seem a good way to go - they certainly don't make a fortune but do provide a reasonably low stress job where you are your own boss.

Hi lucy123, we're seriously thinking about relocating to spain next year with a 5yr old and a 3yr old, who we will get spanish lessons for before we moved (if we do), as I agree that it is very important. I was thinking of moving to an area rife with ex-pats for familiarity, but seems you were'nt keen, I have heard people saying they never felt accepted in a mainly spanish village though - what would you recommend???????

I agree with the language comments ...
I lived in Holland for quite a lot of my childhood and for my secondary education I went to the British School there. There were soooo many English people who lived there for years and years and never bothered to learn the Dutch language. They didn't feel they had to because most Dutch people speak excellent English but all the Dutch people we knew were so appreciative when we spoke to them in Dutch ... it means a lot to them ... and it's about respect ...

Mumwith2, we moved to the Costa del Sol and lived in an English community there. We had fun for a year but couldnt settle and returned to England last year. Word of caution - perhaps this doesnt apply to all places populated by Brits but, where we lived most of the Brits were of a pretty unsavoury nature. They were small time crooks desperate to make a few quid by ripping other Brits off. We got the impression that alot of the ex-pats had left UK because they were running away from something / someone. I expected a close-knit community working together and supporting each other but it really wasnt like that. I dont want to put you off, some people love living over there. Just be wary of the other ex-pats!

Hi Lucy123. You still homesick? Hope all is going well for you.

bunny2, thankyou for saying that, I really didn't think the brit ex-pat scene would be like that (must be the rose coloured glasses, I should really take them off!) very helpful advice.

Like Ghosty we moved to NZ last year. My husband is kiwi. There are many good things - I no longer have to work and do not miss in the slightest my +++hour day running a research unit in London with the hour commute, biting fingers to knuckles everyday on way to Liverpool Street worrying if trains were running, if DS would be outside daycare with Paddington tag. NZ is english speaking. We have huge house (laundry is size of one of our previous bedrooms, 11 acres) and miniscule mortgage). Dh is home before 6pm every night and civil as little traffic etc. On the other hand I really miss family and friends, good friends take years to find, get to know and accept you as you are, warts and all. NZ is a long way from anywhere. When good or bad things happen it is always the middle of the night so you cannot easily phone. ramble ramble....
On the whole though I think taking the plunge is the best thing we did, I am not sure we will stay here forever but I can say I did it. Given the chance again I would move but closer to home. france or Spain sound ideal to me. If you can afford to rent your place do if it all goes pear shaped you can always go back. We didn't.

Quality of life is much more important than anything else.
I used to live in the south east where appearance was everything, what you wore, where you went on holiday, what car you drove, basically how much money you could spend. Your house would be spotless and so were your kids. And DH would have to work all hours and travel far to pay for this.
After a holiday in NZ and an out of the blue job offer we decided to take the plunge.
If you like your standard of living then stay put if quality of life is important then I would think about it.
Now my life is fab. Kids play on the beach and have so much freedom and fun they cant believe it.DH catches ferry to work, treads a book and sips coffee and is back by 6.
There are things I miss about UK. But if you can rent your house out for 6 months and have ago atleast you wont be saying I wonder .... when you are 60! The children are still easily adaptable and you could buy a mansion out here if you liked it and have no mortgage, or a house a boat and a holiday bach.