Can anyone out there tell me why I bother

[Chiccadum]

Well, hopefully today can't get any worse. This morning dh got in a huff because dd1 got up at 6.30am saying that she should have stayed in bed as she didn't go to be till 8 (she's 11 months and usually in bed by 6), then all I could hear was him grumbling and being grumpy with the kids, when I came down and asked him what's wrong all i got was 'I'm the tiredest man in the world, I'm shattered', how does he think I cope getting up at 5 dealing with the kids and getting the eldest to nursery. I asked him to hold dd1 whilst I went to the loo and he slammed the TV mag down complaining he wanted to read it before dd2 got home (it was 2 hrs before she was due to be picked up and nursery is a 5 minute walk away) Then, he picked dd2 up from nursery whilst I stopped at home and made her dinner,whilst running round because our shopping was delivered and dd1 was hungry, when they walked in he had only bought dd2 and icecream, so she sat and played with the dinner I made her, I finally ended up throwing it in the bin, as I did this he shouted 'while your at it throw my dinner in aswell', if he'd fit he'd have gone in aswell believe me.

He announced at 1 he was going to bed and to get him up at 4 but he'd left empty crisp wrappers lying around for me to collect.

I honestly do not why I bother to try and keep the house clean or cook meals when they nearly always end up in the bin and dh is incapable of tidying up after himself.

Does anyone else put up with this, sorry if this is too long but I really need to rant.

Don't know why you bother really.

But presumabably he isn't always this bad? Maybe he needs to be reminded that you are tired too, and that "i'm the tiredest" competitions help no-one.

Probably not much help - but feel free to rant knowing that someone is at least "listening" and sympathising.

Sorry you're having a bad day, chiccadum.
Men, eh? Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.
(not original I know, but I loved it when I first read it - I think it was one of yours wasn't it, willow2?)

I've had a terrible time with my DH too this week. I had friends round for lunch on Wednesday and he totally dissed me in from of them because I had the audacity to ask him (nicely) to clear his papers off the table I had just set. He stomped off in front of everyone and I spent the entire lunch holding back tears. A lovely way to treat someone on antidepressants, n'est pas? (sp)

He's been better today.

On your topic though, yes, he does leave his stuff all over the place for me to pick up constantly. And yes, it does irritate the bejesus out of me.
Boo Hoo.
Hope you feel better soon, chiccadum
One day, someone will come up with a solution to these problems and win the Nobel peace prize. Trouble is, I'll probably be doing time for murdering DH by then, ha ha!

I don't think men get it. DH certainly thinks I spend all day at home with my feet up doing nothing whilst he's "been at work all day". He also makes snide remarks about how he doesn't get 2 days off a week (DSs go to nursery 2 full days). He gets the weekends - I don't as I'm still cooking, looking after the boys whilst he plays golf & goes to the gym. AAAAAGGGHHHH!

Sorry Chiccadum, I've been no help at all but you're not alone. Sigh. The problem with men is that if you complain about them, it's construed as nagging. If they complain about you, it's constructive criticism.

Sit down with a box of rice crispie cakes and a coffee - it's made me feel a lot better today, if a little sick

He's on nights tonight so I'm sitting down with a very large pepperoni pizza and a bottle of schloer (sp). Droile I'm on ad's aswell but they haven't started working yet.

I think he must have constant blinkers on because when he is at home I never sit down, he's always saying 'sit yourself down', but I as I always tell him, if I did that nothing would get done. I'm sure he lives in a fantasy world where he thinks elves come in and clean everything when he is asleep.

Men aaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!

i am sorry that you are having a bad day. Nothing to add other than I hope it gets better soon.

Why do you have to clear up after him?
Cant you just pointedly leave his stuff lying around?
Be petty, its the only thing men understand.
Men, can't live withthem, can't live with them.

I used to work on Saturday's which was great- as dh got to see that looking after children isn't sitting around drinking coffee. I don't work regularly anymore- but do have the odd Saturday away for a course. I tend to leave him a list of jobs as well (load the dishwaher, put on a load of washing- nothing major). He's always exhausted when I get home. He does tend to have a realistic idea now.

Don't talk about Saturdays

Anyone else find it slightly galling when, after you've worked all week, your DH tells you that he'll take DS off your hands and go out for the day, so you have a chance to catch up on the housework which has accumulated during the week? And then he thinks he deserves extra credit for doing it and expects special treatment for the rest of the weekend too. Aargh!

Gillw, that's bad, poor you. A friend of mine has the perfect solution. She works from 3pm to 9pm 3 days a week and some Saturdays. Her DH gets to do all the tea-time-bed-time nightmare, and REALLY understands what it's like. Well done that girl.

Unfortunately, when my DH has them (hardly ever) it's playtime and telly time, so he totally gets the wrong idea.

Saturdays in our house consist of dh sitting on his bum all day watching anything to do with sport on sky. I once came downstairs to find him watching curling. He classes Saturday as his television day, I can't have anything on until Casualty at 8pm, I once had the nerve to ask if he would like to come out with the girls and I for the day, the look I got said it all. I've still to have a day where I can sit and do absolutely nothing, a few months ago when I had an accident and ended up in casualty I still had to carry on with everything, even though I was in agony.

my DP is generally good at helping out etc but I really agree with GillW - It bugs me when he takes DS out or looks after him for a couple of hours at the weekend to let me do something (usually housework or office work but certainly not sitting on my bum!) and that somehow qualifies him for lots of praise and an evening down the pub.

When I get really annoyed with him I often say, how on earth would you manage without me, he always ignores that question.

He really has no idea.

I was once cleaning the seals on the fridges with the toothbrush and he came in a said 'what are you doing that for they're not dirty'. Thats because I clean them pinhead. duuhhhhhhhhhhh.

He never dusts the tops of pictures or the door surrounds as they don't need doing. And he has still yet to master the art of removing the dishcloth and pulling the plug out of the kitchen sink when he has finished washing up.

My god, chiccadum, poor you.

I also have to do most things on Saturdays, but because dp is working or doing "important things", not watching telly.

I think you should bribe a nurse to get your leg in plaster so he would really have to do everything for a week (or get a Saturday job, like some have suggested).

What a git.

hmmmmm....I don't think my DP actually understands what bathroom cleaner is for!!

Oh dear chiccadum, this sounds serious.
I think you're going to have to put your foot down.
Easier said than done, I know, but if he's having a day doing nothing, it's only fair that you should too. DH doesn't have any days off at the moment, but all this is set to change at the end of March. At that time, I'm claiming time off to match his. I may even demand 'back pay'.

Aaaaagghhhhh, I broke my ankle about 3 years ago and believe me having the mother in law here was a fate worse than death.

I gave up a part-time job just before having dd2 because I couldn't always get a babysitter for dd1. Dh works continental shifts and therefore has different days off each week. His mother is not willing to have them both and I have no family.

It looks like I have to grin and bear it, today I'm having to put up with Zingalong as dh is in bed after nights, I don't which is worse, curling or Zingalong. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Chiccadum, Zingalong is definately worse.

You are not alone, I am sitting here now on the computer, because DH is watching Football Focus, then he will switch over and watch on the ball, and then anything that has anything to do with football. AHHHHHHHH, I do not mind football, but do not understand why he has to watch 3 different programmes talking about what could happen in a match.

Hope you have a good day, my fellow brosette.

how about a relief care job? It can be very rewarding and you can pick different shifts from week to week. The only downside is that sometimes not very many shifts are available and the pay isn't brilliant, but it does get you out of the house and bring some extra money in (always handy).

Do you have to have any qualifications to be a care relief worker?

Sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Breeze. Don't want everyone to know.

No. When I did it (in Brighton) it was really the way in to care work generally. They just like sensible people who don't mind not having fixed hours.

There are all sorts of different types of work too. I worked with adults with severe learning and physical disabilities, but old people's homes sometimes have relief staff, and homes for adults or children with mild learning disabilities (so you just have to help them cook, read etc.)

Is a brosette someone who liked Bros?

Lucy123, where would I start asking about this kind of work?

Yes Cam, unfortunately, i was a brosette in my teens.