Another moral dilemma.........please help

[breeze]

I need some advice, i have recently found out that one of my best friends goes out with her dh to a neighbours house and leaves their 2 kids, one 6 yr old, and one 3 yr old home alone, they take the baby monitor with them so they can hear if they get up.

I was totally shocked when i was told this and it has happened on at least 5 ocassions i was told about. They even go out on the town and leave the baby monitor and a key with a neighbour so she can stay in her own house.

I told her this wasn't good, but she just brushed it aside saying its ok for you as you never have any problems in going out.

She seems to think that this is okay, because she will hear if they woke up, but what about if a fire started or something. I have tried to talk to her about it but she doesn't listen and i am really worried about the kids. help

This says what the "law" or lack of it is. Incredible really I think.

I'm with the strongest of the strong remarks here. The fire risk is catastrophic and if I were you I would call social services and the police and tell them exactly when they could catch them at it. People who live in vast houses where the children sleep at a fair distance away ought to have sprinkler systems and anyway, two wrongs do not make a right.

I am horrified that any parent could consider leaving their child alone in the house. It's shocking. I would contact the HV and ask advice. This really should be stopped - children are a responsibility that you can't just ditch when you fancy a night off.

(Haven't read all this thread, so forgive me if I'm repeating what others have said) I think it's really wrong, irresponsible and almost certainly illegal to leave young kids alone in the house like this ? but I'm amazed how many people seem to do it. Our old next-door neighbours once asked if they could leave their monitor with us while they left their one-year-old alone to go to a concert ? I was appalled, and said I'd go round and sit in the house, which I did. (Mind you, I know the monitor would have worked in our house, because I discovered dh on a few occasions tuning into their domestic rows via our baby monitor, which was obviously on the same frequency!)
We've just moved, and our new neighbours, who seem otherwise very nice, normal and sensible, suggested coming round for a drink & bringing their monitor with them. So people obviously do it all the time.

Oh, meant to add ? yes, tell the health visitor!

Good luck, & let us know what happens, breeze!

I think that the idea of 'tell the health visitor' should be explored a bit more. It's a pretty serious step and one that could have fairly drastic consequences. We had an issuse with a neighbour, not the same but could have had similar consequences - in terms of child protection issues etc. We thought long and hard about whether to go straight to the authorities - which we were well within our rights to do, but decided that the individual 'deserved' a final warning before we did so. The threat of intervention by the authorities may be enough, and this really isn't the same as abuse, neglect, cruelty etc. As plently of people responding to this post have said, lots of us do it (I'm not saying that makes it right) but we'd be pretty appalled if Social Services turned up on our doorsteps.

emmagee sorry to take issue with you but leaving a 3 year old and a 6 year old alone in the house for the whole evening (and moreover repeatedly, although it only takes once for there to be a fire) when asleep (or otherwise) is very definitely a case of neglect. It is said further down that the children don't know the parents are out. Imagine how frightening that would be if they woke up, went into a room in another part of the house where their monitor cannot pick up any noise, and wanted their mummy and daddy. What if one of them gets ill. Even with monitors, most parents check their children by looking in on them in addition.It seems from what has been said that the parents have been approached but see nothing wrong. These chidrens lives are at risk, worst case scenario, and at the very least their psychological welfare is compromised.

Emmagee ? do understand what you say regarding telling the health visitor, especially given that it's one of breeze's best friends she's talking about, however telling a good health visitor isn't tantamount to reporting her to social services, and from what you say, breeze, it sounds as though you've already voiced your misgivings to the mother. Think the safety of the kids is paramount, though ? a 3 and a 6-year-old home alone without knowing where their parents are or when they will be back is very wrong. And just think how dreadful you'd feel if something awful did happen and you hadn't done anything.
You could (confidentially) ring the NSPCC helpline ? anonymously if you like ? just to hear their advice on the matter (0808 800 5000).
Agree, it is a difficult one, but in your place, I'd want to do something about it.
Good luck & do let us know.

This is really a terrifying thing to be doing....do they not have ANY common sense?
I personally would discuss this with them one more time and let them know what you think of what theyre doing ,I would also let them know that you will contact the authorities over this matter if they do not stop this mindless behaviour.
Think how you would feel if something happened to these children if you didnt do something about it.......

I was thinkinmg of this again and find it difficult to believe that the children are none the wiser about their parents prolongued disappearance.

When we go out, 50 percent of the time at least one of our children wakes up either during the time our babysitter is there or just when we get back.

Three year olds especially, ime, cannot be guaranteed to sleep straight through like clockwork, what about needing to go to the loo, needing a drink, bad dreams, bed cover falling off etc etc?

Breeze, if your friend goes out regularly, has she really never had one of her children waking up and asking where she is? or is this when the neighbour rushes in, courtesy of the baby monitor?

I have only just found out about this recently, it annoyed me the way she talked about it as it was no big deal, she is one of these people who think they are right 100% of the time, and won't listen to reason. I know that if i push this matter it will cause problems in our friendship, but i can't sit back and do nothing, they are good sleepers but imagine if they did wake up, i don't believe for one minute that they listen to it constantly, i mean 4 rowdy people drinking and playing games.

if theyre drinking alot of alcohol surely they cant listen as well either....

exactly