Page 4 | Do people judge women who are childless after a certain age?

LiliCo334 · 2026-03-19T18:14:00+00:00

What do you think? Just wanted some opinions. In 2026 I still fell like peopel act like if a women never has children then she got no life.

han6729 · 19/03/2026 22:44

Is this your first day as a woman?

Sparking · 19/03/2026 23:39

Zov · 19/03/2026 21:33

I have to say that is not my experience. Most couples I know who have children wanted them equally. In some cases, the man wanted them before the woman did. And it took her 2-3 years to catch up.

My brother, my DH, my DH's brother, my 2 BFF's husbands, my 2 male cousins to name but a few wanted children before their wife did. (Or at the same time roughly...) The men were ecstatic when they discovered they were going to be a dad! I couldn't stop DH grinning when I told him the news. It was like he had a coathanger in his mouth! He was over the moon.

Several couples I know split up because he wanted a child and she didn't.

It's a myth that 'men only have children because the wife wants them.' This may be true in some cases, but certainly not all. I think this is a thing that some child free women want to believe, and some child free men.... (Not all of course.)

Not sure why married men are going around telling random childfree women that they didn't want children and only had them because the missus wanted them. Why on earth are 'many men' telling you this?

It's OK to be child free. No need to try and point score by claiming 'men don't want them, it's only women who do' because that's simply not true. Not in all cases.

.

Edited

Show quote history

Many men tell me husband exactly this so I don't think that post was trying to score points. Sometimes people just feel able to be honest with certain other people.

Miranda65 · 19/03/2026 23:49

Yes. I'm 60, and have had judgemental comments from casual acquaintances or even complete strangers - real friends never ask about it, or even mention it.
It's only in recent years that I've had my appropriate put downs ready. It also infuriates me that my husband has never been judged for being childfree (and I have asked him), so there is definitely a misogynistic element.

Miranda65 · 19/03/2026 23:55

KeeleyJ · 19/03/2026 20:35

I don't judge but do feel for elderly ladies who appear in our local newspaper obituary column.

E g 95 year old Doris, only daughter of the late Albert and Thomasina, friend to many.

I always wonder if old Doris regretted never marrying and having children, departing this world without anyone to mourn her.

How do you know that Doris never had anyone to mourn her? This is the sort of patronising claptrap that childfree people hate!

greenteaandlimes · 20/03/2026 00:01

Some do, some don’t

FrauPaige · 20/03/2026 01:15

Changingplace · 19/03/2026 20:30

I get you’re being light hearted, but do remember that not everyone who doesn’t have kids wouldn’t have liked to have had them, if circumstances had been different.

Show quote history

Yes, and I feel for them and hope that they will be able to heal and reframe with time.

But this isn't an involuntary childless thread with some stressed out mum of toddlers jumping in saying how lucky you are to have "free time" between nappy changes. That would be insensitive. This is a "how does society react to you being childless" thread. I have given a view.

10% of British parents said in a Yougov pool that they wouldn't have children at all if they could do it again, with the number presumably higher if the stigma and taboo of even thinking this were lower.

Financial pressures, broken housing market, loss of identity, effect on relationship with spouse, poor future prospects for next generation are all reasons driving this.

Additionally, there are many women who have chosen a life without children. And there are those that wrestled with the heartache of not being able to have the family they once wanted and have now reframed their existence and are quite content.

These people have their truths and lived experiences too, which may come out in conversation with them.

I feel desperately for those currently in the anguish of the 'what could've been' phase. I hope that with time they are able to find healing and reframe their perspective to find peace and contentment in the life they have built.

meganorks · 20/03/2026 18:10

No, not at all. I'm more likely to judge women who have kids with men who clearly horrible, useless arseholes!

Notateacheranymore · 20/03/2026 18:18

OMG!!!

Now I’m so old and decrepit I can’t even tap the correct button for a bloody poll!!!

I am 50, been married for nearly 28 years, and pretty much after our first date when we were 18, we both said “No kids”. I know my mil was pretty disappointed; my DH is the 3/4, 3 surviving and she definitely would have liked her only child in a stable relationship (my DH) to have had kids.

Instead, his older sister oopsed a guy having had a contraception fail with him the year before. The “child” is now 19 and my mil totally dotes on him - they live together with my younger SIL as well.

Meanwhile, me and DH get on with our lives. I was a teacher for over 15 years, so lots of people struggled with why I didn’t want kids. If it was parents of students, I would say “Are you suggesting that parenting is like teaching?” No, no, of course not. Ok, so why would a teacher automatically want to be a parent too?!

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 20/03/2026 18:32

I don't know if I've been judged, but I'm fairly certain I've not been believed when I've said i don't want them, they think I can't have any and am covering it up

singthing · 20/03/2026 18:35

Zov · 19/03/2026 19:12

Not at all. I have 2 (in their late 20s now) and have loved being a mum, but it's been hard sometimes, and you spend years chasing your tail. I would not change a thing as I adore and love my 2 DC, but I can see why some women choose to remain childfree.

I think some young women can see how hard it can be and how frazzled their mothers have been over the years. Having to hold down a job, look after children, and look after elderly relatives, whilst often taking on the lion's share of the housework, gruntwork, wifework, and domestic duties.

Women are getting a clue, they know they're in for 2 decades or more of grunt work, and domesticity, and often with a man who will make himself too busy to pull his finger out around the house, and look after the children. (He will find hobbies that take him away from family responsibilities, and be busy at work,) and she will be the primary carer. Her body, and career, and life will be affected, whilst his life and career remains unaltered. (And his body obviously!)

So yeah - is it such a huge shock that many women CBA with having children now?!

I think more men than women are annoyed and angry with women who remain childfree. They want women to be brood mares, and to have them know their place! Some men don't like it when they're not in control, and women don't need them!

.

Edited

You know there are lots of women who just.... don't want kids?

The whole palaver you describe is neither here nor there in their decision making.

Changingplace · 20/03/2026 19:22

Miranda65 · 19/03/2026 23:49

Yes. I'm 60, and have had judgemental comments from casual acquaintances or even complete strangers - real friends never ask about it, or even mention it.
It's only in recent years that I've had my appropriate put downs ready. It also infuriates me that my husband has never been judged for being childfree (and I have asked him), so there is definitely a misogynistic element.

I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with these comments.

I wonder if it’s a generational thing and people are becoming less judgemental because I’ve never had any situation that’s made me feel like someone’s judging me for not having kids.

Notateacheranymore · 20/03/2026 21:59

@Miranda65 , the closest my husband ever got was in the tea bar one day - he’s ex-RAF - and he’d put a request for annual leave over Easter holidays. Several of the other lads who hadn’t got in as quick were pissed that he’d asked for school holidays off and he had no kids. He then reminded his colleagues that I was a teacher, which they well knew. He had to spell out exactly why he should be given priority for the holiday over them - and some of their kids were pre school age. It was also before the days of parents being fined for absences. 🤷‍♀️

In the weeks and months after that, he got questions like “Who’ll carry on the family name?” Which is when he told them that his dad was one of 13 kids, 12 of them were boys, and they ALL had children. Last thing we needed to worry about was the demise of the surname!!!

hazelberry · 20/03/2026 22:03

I don't think anyone gives that much of a shit.

amargaritaplease · 20/03/2026 22:44

PrincessFiorimonde · 19/03/2026 21:45

It might just be me, but your post does read as though you do judge "Doris".

Show quote history

I thought this ! I feel they were very much judging “Doris”

Bjorkdidit · 21/03/2026 07:09

Notateacheranymore · 20/03/2026 21:59

@Miranda65 , the closest my husband ever got was in the tea bar one day - he’s ex-RAF - and he’d put a request for annual leave over Easter holidays. Several of the other lads who hadn’t got in as quick were pissed that he’d asked for school holidays off and he had no kids. He then reminded his colleagues that I was a teacher, which they well knew. He had to spell out exactly why he should be given priority for the holiday over them - and some of their kids were pre school age. It was also before the days of parents being fined for absences. 🤷‍♀️

In the weeks and months after that, he got questions like “Who’ll carry on the family name?” Which is when he told them that his dad was one of 13 kids, 12 of them were boys, and they ALL had children. Last thing we needed to worry about was the demise of the surname!!!

Edited

Like I said before I've never felt judged or questioned but the other comment often relates to 'denying your DPs grandchildren'.

Well I have 4 siblings who have 14 DC between them so one thing my parents are not short of is grandchildren, and there's also now 3 great grandchildren.

On DPs side, his 2 siblings have 4 DC between them and another stepchild who's been around since she was a toddler so his DPs are well provided for on the grandchild front too.

GentleSheep · 21/03/2026 08:15

I'm long beyond reproductive age but have certainly been judged for not having kids/not wanting kids. From 'who will look after you when you're old?' to 'you'll change your mind' with a smug expression. Fortunately no family pressure to have them but why strangers feel the need to comment is beyond me. They've no idea of my circumstances or reasons!

Sparking · 21/03/2026 16:08

Bjorkdidit · 21/03/2026 07:09

Like I said before I've never felt judged or questioned but the other comment often relates to 'denying your DPs grandchildren'.

Well I have 4 siblings who have 14 DC between them so one thing my parents are not short of is grandchildren, and there's also now 3 great grandchildren.

On DPs side, his 2 siblings have 4 DC between them and another stepchild who's been around since she was a toddler so his DPs are well provided for on the grandchild front too.

Show quote history

I work with someone who has been disowned by her parents for not providing them with grandchildren so it's very upsetting for her when she gets those kind of comments.