Husband dropping out of hol 5 days before flight

[Livinlife2dafull]

My family have booked to go abroad. At the time of booking my husband was unsure as his father has onset Alzheimers and can often play up. Anyway he decided to come on holiday.

Now 5 days before holiday my father in law is being difficult with his carers. My husband is now worried about leaving his Dad and so wants to drop out. He has fell out with some family and those left eho could check in on him all work

I feel annoyed and angry as I asked him at the time is he sure. It is money down the drain now at a time when my husband is unemployed so I feel even more annoyed. When we booked the holiday our finances were great but since then my husband lost his job and had a lot of bad luck with car and work van expenses. We are scrimping for money and savings used.

Looks like tomorrow I will see if I can change passenger or cancel him off altogether.

Its not his Dad's fault but I feel annoyed at the timing as things never go right for me.

I had missed it was Alzheimer’s - but that makes this situation worse, not better. He can’t be left in the house alone, it doesn’t matter if that’s what he wants. is he safe overnight alone?

It’s not a solution that the OPs DP just misses the holiday, because that also means he can never work again until his father dies or is made to move into a care home. The OP’s family clearly can’t live without her DP earning and it’s not sustainable to be caring full time for someone who lives in another town.

OP have you spoken to your SIL? Is she refusing to do care because she doesn’t think her dad needs it, or because she thinks it’s your DPs responsibility, or because she thinks her dad should be made to move into a care home and her refusing to do care is the only way to force her family to see sense?

The poor man has dementia.

2 out of 3 of us reading this thread will get dementia. Good luck with yours, hope you have plenty of family members to care for you.

I think it's natural to be disappointed, but unfortunately it's one of those things.

When things have to be cancelled, I try not to treat it as wasted money. Obviously you haven't had the benefit of it, but it hasn't cost you anymore than if he'd come, in line with the original plans. I.e. the money was already earmarked for the holiday.

If something happens to your FIL while you are on holiday and your DH has to fly home immediately that is going to cost you more money, last minute flights are expensive. You said you are going on holiday with your family so you will still have other people to enjoy your time with, it’s not like you’re going to be stuck on your own abroad with no company. I’m sure your DH would much rather be on holiday with his family than be stuck at home looking after a sick old man while the rest of you are abroad having a lovely time. Your DH’s Father will not be around for ever, can you not understand why looking after him is more important than a holiday - there will be more holidays for your family in the future, there will not be anymore FIL. Your SIL has made her decision, it’s unfortunate that she doesn’t want to help but nobody can make her. I think you should accept your DH decision not to go.

Your DH not having a job is a separate issue. Does he want a job at the moment or does he want to be FIL carer? He can claim benefits for being his carer. Would your DH be happy with a part time job giving him time to spend with FIL as well. You need to discuss with him his plans going forward.

Things aren’t going right for either of you, not just you. That’s what happens when relatives get old. Your time will come in the future when you will need your DH’s support.

As long as you don’t expect your kids to put any effort into ensuring your needs are met if you should be unlucky enough to develop dementia. Ffs have some compassion. Same goes for op.

But it's not as if the father will be deserted. He will have carers who can see to his basic care even if he is falling out with him, he will have other family members who can at least check in when they're not at work. Will it realistically do him any harm if one family member goes away for a week?