Freaking out about driving

[doolallysally1]

I started to learn when I was a teenager, had a few lessons, passed my theory. Mum offered to let me drive on the way back from my theory test. We came up to a huge roundabout which I hadn't done before and she freaked me out by shouting at me when I did the wrong thing. I didn't drive again for over ten years.

Now I'm 31 I'm learning in an automatic and I'm terrified of it. I'm a perfectionist so when anything goes remotely wrong, my confidence goes back to 0, like snakes and ladders. I feel like I am a good, safe driver but I hate it. I get overwhelmed on roundabouts, going the speed limit through busy streets, don't even get me started on parallel parking.

Today I was driving home with my husband and I flicked a switch on the wheel which converted the car to manual-- which I don't drive! I also had to change lanes while trying to fiddle with buttons to fix the car so I could actually drive it. The woman behind me was shouting at me because I'd stopped and was indicating to get into a lane that had a queue of cars waiting for the lights (we were in the city, so this wasn't dangerous, just not ideal). She was so aggressive and I t massively threw me.

When we got home, I botched the parking. A pedestrian was watching me struggle with a hand over her mouth in horror. It wasn't dangerous, I just did a poor job. My husband was giving me instructions, cars were waiting and I just got too flustered. My husband took over.

I don't know what I want. I just feel so disheartened and every time I drive something else happens that makes me never want to do it again. My test is in November and I'm worried I'll get in my own way and fail.

It’s still the same principle as automatic no clutch just press and go but it won’t change up or down until you tell it to
so If you were in slow but moving traffic you take your foot off the accelerator it changes up but then when you go to press it because you are going slow it has to change down so the car will be constantly changing up and down
putting it in the “manual mode will lock it in gear and only change when you tell it to which is far better

You should always check you understand where all the controls are and what they do before you set off. Especially if it’s a car you’re less familiar with. This is basic safety stuff. You keep saying you’re a good driver but you’re clearly not yet!

I think you're missing the point of this post, but I will endeavour to do better, thank you.

Thanks all for the messages. Especially the encouraging ones. My lessons are super expensive so I am looking to build confidence with DH but as some pp have suggested, I will hold off on weekend driving until I'm more confident through lessons.

I will keep at it! I am determined to pass, just need to believe in myself and not let other drivers fluster me 💪🏻

My aunt died in Car accident. It was the other vehicle fault. She was in her 30s.

this affected my father family and children regarding driving.

I would just advise you to keep going and once you pass … you’ll get more confident.

the main concern is always other drivers as they can be unpredictable

You had L plates on the car, right? In which case anyone hassling you is an utter bastard, and definitely made lots of mistakes when they were learning to drive themselves.

I recently passed my driving test at the age of 43 with a history similar to you of on and off lessons since 17.

i realised recently what made this time different was that I now give less of a shit about what other people think . I no longer cared or worried if the instructor liked me, didn’t care if people wanted me to go faster. My imaginary audience issue has diminished so now I can drive. I actually think it was the psychological block I should have dealt with years ago, it wasn’t my ability to drive. My head was stopping me.

Yes I did! 😢 It's partly why I feel so shaken by it all. You'd hope people would have a little more compassion.

I recently passed my driving test at 47.
I am like you and totally beat myself up if I make a mistake or do something stupid.
I don't mean I'm dangerous just that I stalled a lot when I first passed because my car was so different to my instructor's or miss a chance to go on a roundabout, and then I feel awful and am mean to myself.

I have realised though that plenty of other drivers also make mistakes or just drive like shit and they've probably been driving a lot longer than me.

When I was driving my instructor was always moaning about how impatient and bullying a lot of drivers are to learners. Those people are just arseholes OP. Its really hard but try not to take it personally, they are not worth bothering about. Arseholes!

There will always be arseholes on the road who harass and bully learner drivers. I think a lot of drivers just forget what it was like when they were learning.

That said…the area I live in is popular with learner drivers (wide, quiet roads) and it can be incredibly frustrating when you are stuck behind a learner crawling along at 15mph on a 30mph road. This only seems to happen to me when I’m in a hurry! The other day I was behind a learner driver at a roundabout. I completely understand they can be daunting but on multiple occasions he failed to move when there were no cars coming from his right. Eventually there were about 6 cars behind me and some started beeping which is obviously v unhelpful. Tbh I was frustrated with the instructor rather than the driver. You cannot take a learner out on a roundabout when they are clearly not ready.

Some.people are just not cut out for driving. I've had my share of driving the wrong way over 1 way systems (?) Screaming whilst trying to drive over 30 feeling completely out of control, and literally driving over a roundabout. Like through the middle.
Better to admit you're a bad driver than taking that to the road
Im a passenger princess but I'm happy knowing our lives are not at stake

@Didntask we called ours ‘flappy paddles’ too 😂

You “feel like you’re a good, safe driver” but you’re really not. Being a good, safe driver is being able to handle unexpected situations in a calm manner without reacting in ways that will endanger others. The idiot drivers are usually the other ones - but if you freeze & panic whenever some dickhead cuts you up, tailgates, beeps, pulls out or undertakes you, bad things will happen. Get professional tuition and some post-test advanced driving courses - for all our sakes.