I have a feeling my friend is lying about being seriously ill - what do I do?

[OatMilkLattes]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

I have a friend who I have always known to be seriously ill. I cannot say what it is, because it is very outing, but I have never ever questioned it (obviously) and supported her. I’ve always offered to take her to and from appointments, which she has always declined and I hadn’t thought anything of it.

Recently, she’s said a few things that just don’t make sense - things she is doing, that she wouldn’t be able to with the illness she has. She usually corrects herself, plays it down. First few times I didn’t think anything of it, but now I’m starting to notice more and more.

I met up with another friend a few weeks ago, who knew my friend from school. She told me that this friend made up that she had a terminal illness in her teens. Everyone hated her and fell out with her. That then put a lot of doubt in my mind that the illness she is experience it right now is genuine. I was so shocked that someone could do that, especially a friend of mine!

So, what do I do? I actually don’t doubt that she is ill in some ways, but I’m wondering if it’s to the extent she is claiming. I bend over backwards to make sure she is supported, comfortable and has everything she needs. I will be so angry if she’s been lying. She’s not only had me on, but literally everyone else in her life, including her boyfriend.

Proper lols

Does she have children?????

So what are the symptoms ?

I don’t feel comfortable disclosing symptoms, sorry!

Her family friend has told me that her parents have taken her to countless doctors that have all said there is nothing wrong with her and nothing more they can do but yet she continues to tell me/everyone else around me that she has specific symptoms, which are extremely serious. And as I say - I have believed her, but she’s said certain things that make me think that there is an element of lying going on.

I’m not even saying she’s lying about it all - I just wonder if she’s making her condition sound worse than it actually is. She’s very insecure and I wonder if she likes having the love and attention from people around her that think she’s is seriously ill?

She has no kids.

Of course I want to support my friend - I feel bad if she’s mentally ill, I really do. But lying about an illness is something I just couldn’t get past when people are genuinely very poorly and need help. As I said, this is not the first time she’s lied about having an illness. I just don’t know if I can have someone like this in my life!

If what was said to you by one friend about another friend (I'd be so careful with this kind of discussion as it could be misconstrued as gossip) is true (and you only have one person's statement that it is?) that tells me the 'ill friend' may indeed be ill - whether in physical health or mental health & people often push themselves to not let an illness hold them back. That said, clearly some people do lie/play a situation up because they're seeking attention. And the reason for that could be endless, including serious trauma/abuse no one is aware of to lack of confidence to being 'not a nice person' & myriad more.

I'd tread really lightly & if you consider her a good friend & moreover a generally good person, continue supporting her however you can. It never hurts to be kind to others, if she's lying then that's on her & Karma does exist in one way or another. You lose nothing important by being a loving, supportive friend but stand to lose a great deal if your suspicions turn out to be false. I can't recall if you stated how long you've known the 'ill friend' but if she doesn't appear to be a user or manipulator, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt & continue to support her. I may be in the minority here but I do try to always choose kindness first. Best of luck x

I had 6 months of intensive chemo followed by 2 years of maintenance chemo and didn't lose my hair. Not all chemo makes you lose your hair, particularly those for some blood cancers. My cancer cannot be cured either. Was diagnosed 7 years ago and I'm still here. I also have lots of other conditions that are life limiting.
I hope none of my friends think like you do

Has she taken advantage of you? Asked for help - mentally, financially, physically, etc because of the illness? If yes, then that's a problem. If no then leave her to her (possible) lies but take whatever she says with a grain of salt and only do what you want to do for her.

Just distance yourself from her . If she’s lying there’s nothing you can do it’s best to walk away.

As a teen I stupidly lied that I was dying . I panicked. I was being seriously abused at home and at the time my bf was my only support but he dumped me. In my panic I said I was dying so he took me back (awful I know) my best friend at the time went along with it until one day she couldn’t any more and told her mum , who told his parents and mine. My situation at home worsened it was awful. I felt terrible.

Anyway 25 years later one of my dc was quite unwell. The HT accuse me of munchausens by proxy and we had to go through child protection it turned out I was on her radar because of what I’d done as a teen (my best friends mum was her best friend and they’d discussed it and she remembered my name). I actually was able to prove my dc I’ll was was genuine and was able to make a formal complaint about what the HT had done which was upheld and she apologised because she shouldn’t have held a stupid teenage mistake against me

This type of thing quite often goes hand in hand with other mental illness like border line personality disorder. My daughter has EUBPD and is always the illest and sickest person in the room. I do think it's for attention and in a way to cover for any short comings ( I failed as I'm sick). I genuinely have zero idea where it's come from in her as I've never been a malingerer although I was diagnosed with a serious king teen illness at age 34. If it helps, I don't doubt that my daughter has some symptoms, I think it's genuinely bright in by anxiety and then the story just builds up and runs on its own and gets out of control. I do my best not to give her any attention AT ALL regarding her health and only engage about other things.