Life is so boring

[stccl15]

I'm 34 yo mum to 3 kids. I've always worked and enjoyed my days at home when I had them but for the past year I've been out of work and im so bored. Everyday is the same, get kids ready for school take them school sit at home all day get them from school cook for them put them to bed go to bed. And repeat except weekends its cook x3 and sit at home all day.

Problem is I have a son who is on the autism spectrum and I have to pick him up from school at random times each day so I can't work, I had to quit my job because of him because I was always having to leave work. I started uni but just cannot be bothered with it anymore at all cause there's no point as im never gonna be able to work anyway

Im fed up of being a maid and a cook its the only point to my life its all I do. I live in a city where there's nothing for kids nothing to do as a family on the weekends, we don't drive and there's nothing in walking distance for us. I've no friends no social life I just exist in my house till someone needs something doing for them.

I just don't know what to do anymore I don't see the point in just sitting here everyday doing nothing.

I would refuse to collect your DS unless they formally exclude him. If he has repeatedly escaped school I’d raise a massive safeguarding concern. It might actually be for the best to force their hand into permanently excluding him as this might speed things up for you.

How far off completing the appeals process are you?

I know it probably seems like you are doing the right thing and school probably make you feel you have no choice - but every time you pick your son up you are enabling him to be kept at an unsuitable school. In my understanding contacting you to pick him up and take him away without an official exclusion is illegal. If he is officially excluded you should always get a letter detailing this.

This from the following website, www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/exclusion-from-school
'Informal’ or ‘unofficial’ exclusions, such as sending a pupil home to cool off, are all unlawful regardless of whether they occur with the agreement of parents or carers. See what steps the school has to take in order for the exclusion to be lawful. Too many children and young people with SEN and disabilities are excluded illegally.
Unlawful exclusion of a pupil with a disability may amount to disability discrimination under the Equality Act 2010.

If school have not been officially excluding your son then IMO you need to tell them that you will not be picking your son up from school again unless they do so. Tell school your son is entitled to a full time education and if they can't provide it they need to contact the LEA or whoever can provide it because your son deserves a proper education and you need to be able to work. They're taking the piss, you can improve your life (and his), start by fighting this and take it from there.

so what area do you live in?

there’s no way that nothing is happening

also with your son it’s a disgrace that they can’t spot when a meltdown is coming.

the school grounds should be secure otherwise they’re a risk to him!!!

hope you are getting higher rate DLA and all benefits associated with caring for him

I understand what you mean about not being able to work- it's a difficult position to be in. My middle daugter was a school refuser, who would some days take 1.5 hours to go into school, sometimes not make it at all, and working around that just isn't feasible. It sounds like you need some hobbies to engage your brain with that you can pick up and put down in a hurry? Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring whil ewatching daytime tv/ pottering round the house isn't fun for many people. Would you budget stretch to something like a Nintendo Switch/ switch lite, and a couple of longer games so you have something you can pick up and put down when needed? Also, what about reading? I bought a kinde specifically so I could pick it up and read when I had 5 minutes, without having to worry about bookmarks/ finding my spot on the page etc. If you don''t have the spare money for new devices, there are some good, free, mobile games out there like Genshin Impact where you can play for an hour free per day, or Battleheart which is all about tactics and growing a party of adventurers. And the Kindle app is free on mobile too- there are tons of classics free on there like Sherlock Holmes/ Jane Eyre/ etc. Sketching is another hobby one thats easy to pick up and put down- all you really need for that one is some plain printer paper or a sketchbook, and some pencils. It really sounds like you need something thats just 'yours' and for you to enjoy, and while currently thats not paid employment, there are lots of other options to fill the time you do have. Going for a walk locally maybe, during the warmer months?

I think many posters have no idea what is involved with an autistic child that should be in an SEN school but is mainstream. The school is doing their best. They are just not a SEN school.

@stccl15 I suspect the best you can do right now is put a lot if energy into ensuring he is back into his special school. Both for him, you and the family overall.
Beside that, my experience from being stuck at home has taught me that you end up bored and depressed usually because of two things

• lack of contact with other human beings


• not having any aim in your life (bar getting kids ready for school+fed)

Id say volunteering could be a good way to be able to speak to other people, have some social contact etc… and give u some structure to your week.
O you don’t have a car but you can still take the bus and move around - at least some distance.

For the weekends, I’d take the bus map and look where you could all go together from there. Or the train. And what there is along that line. Depending on the age of the children, maybe it’s a park you haven’t been to for ages. Maybe you can make it a day trip to the beach etc….
We have a local museum proposing some activities for children etc….

@MineIsBetterThanYours I run a specialist autism setting, so I know because I pick up the pieces.

While the school appear to be coping, even if that is by using illegal exclusion and part-time timetables, it gives the LA an excuse to lag. It would probably be for the best for the OP's DS if the school started FTXing him every time they can't keep him safe and phoning the LA every single week (day?) to say they can't meet need. The OP also needs to raise serious safeguarding complaints every time he gets off-site. It's not actually helping anybody to try to 'help' the school. It's just allowing the LA not to deal with it.

It sounds like OP's DS went to a PRU before a 'fresh start' in MS. A PRU placement is often only temporary- some can take long term placements but many not. He needs a SS placement, which may be very difficult to find if he is both able and challenging. Something needs to focus the LA's mind.

Instead of waiting to pick dc up from school why not look at what you could do on line to earn money or even save money.

I have 2 dc and myself who in todays job market of having to have GCSEs/degree etc to be even considered for a job other than warehouse work we do a lot of work on line.

Matched betting is always in the background, drop shipping we are researching. Ds has spent time learning about the stock market and now does a bit of trading.
We all drive so might not apply to you atm but we get ugly old furniture free off FMP and renovate it to sell. (Although some of the stuff we swap out for the stuff we already have in our own house because it is nicer and better quality than the furniture we have)
I grow fruit and veg from seed. It saves on food shopping.

Even selling stuff you don’t need any more on FMP can raise a few pounds.

I grew up in a family who thought if no one wanted to employ you then you employed your self