Anyone ever moved to a new area and regretted it?

[katierocket]

That's it really. Did the feeling go away? or did you move again?

[smugmumofboys]

We moved to the northwest from London 2 years ago.

We knew nobody but were close-ish to my family. On balance, we have no regrets but I must admit that I have the occasional wobble. I miss the cosmopolitanism of the city and all my 'baby friends'. I miss being able walk to a sushi bar or getting a bus to go for a Lebanese. It has taken alot of effort to make new friends but I feel settled now and our quality of life has, on balance, improved.

Are you thinking of moving?

[mumblechum]

We moved from the lake district to Liverpool for dh's work, and absolutely loathed it, but we knew it was only going to be acouple of years till he got th next promotion so just made the best of it.

[katierocket]

We moved 5 months ago from Manchester to mid Wales. I have one very close friend here, that's actually how we came to know the area. But I am having major wobble. I love the location, very beautiful etc but missing cosmopolitanism too. I'm also feeling incredibly isolated and DS1 is not happy at school another thread on this!
it's quite cliquey and no one really seems that interested in making friends (I have tried).
I'm not sure whether this is a wobble or a bigger thing. How long did it take you to settle smug?

[smugmumofboys]

I would say a good year. Things I did:

I worked the playgroup circuit (have DS2 who is 3) and actually made some nice friends that way

I did an evening course (in Spanish) from which I got offered a pt job teaching Spanish at the same college!

I did lots of NCT stuff

I set up a bookclub with some NCT and school mum friends which is still going

I really think that as you get older people move on from the bezzie mates kind of stage and most of us have some friends and then a larger group of aquaintances. So, I don't think any of my new friends here are 'proper' mates but are nice aquaintances to meet up with.

I also think you have to be very proactive. It also helps that people around here are by nature chatty and friendly.

Sorry you are not enjoying the move.

[MuffinMclay]

We moved from Herts to Manchester for, erm, 5 days, before moving back again.

I have family there (not the reason we moved, we tried to stay as far away as possible from them). Dh got a new job, I was pg with ds1, and we planned to do the cliched 'better quality of life' thing.

He realised straight away that the job wasn't what it was supposed to be, and wasn't as challenging as his London job, and jacked it in. His old firm begged him to come back, so it all worked out fine. Thank goodness we were renting up there until a house purchase went through.

No regrets at all about coming back.

[katierocket]

crikey muffin, that's got to be a record!
Thanks smug, that's helpful. I must make more of an effort to go to play groups. I just don't fine people as friendly here as where we were.
I'm so worried that we've moved and put DS1 through so much upheaval and actually it was the wrong move.
We agonised for ages about it so it's not as though we'd not thought it through but I guess you can never know until you do it.

[briffa]

I did and in fact after three years (and I did try) I am planning to move back. I miss being in a town and easy access to things/people being able to walk to shops, friends, school, playgroup, resaurants. E.g in the three years we have been here we have been out in the eveing together about4/5 times. In the town we went our about once a month. We don't even live near a cinema here!

I think 3 years was a fair go but I guess in my heart of hearts I knew that rural living wasn't for me pretty early on. I did it for DH and he now agrees that although the area we live in is beautiful and very safe our life style is much more suited to town/city. Now we've made the decision to move back I can't wait.

[katierocket]

If you don't mind me asking, are you moving back to exactly the same area briffa? do you have school age children?

[briffa]

Same city different suburb, about 3 miles away. I have a 8yo, twins at 4 and a 1yo. It will, of course, mean that ds1 will have to change school again, 4yo's start in sept which is one reason why I want to get on with the move.

[jobekal]

sorry you feel like this, i moved 7 months ago and regret it. i have posted before about how depressed i have been since coming here. I have no friends here, the house is freezing, had no hot water for 3 months and landlord wouldnt sort it, no decent toddler groups, or child friendly churches, i have mobility problems and noone to help with shopping, not able to walk to nearest shops or church, no bus service on sunday to get to church, and now pregnant with fourth and will have 4 under 5. i am desperately wanting to move back but dont want to unsettle children but i think children will actually be better off if i do move back as i will be happier and have support there. However, moving back probably isnt an option as i cant buy or rent privately but if i could would probably do it now and it will be before my eldest startsschool then too

[katierocket]

oh jobekal that sounds awful. If you are going to move back I would definitely try and do it before eldest starts school.

[Teuch]

We moved about 18 months ago, to a very remote part of the country...I have good days and bad days. We originally agreed (after uni) that we would try 5 years on mainland and 5 years island-living and decide from there...

Like Smug, I think you have to be really proactive. Your children are the best tool you have to meet other people I reckon!

Can you invite a friend from your old area to stay for a few days and try out all the things you fancy with them? I hate doing things myself - even just trying out cafes and stuff - or go along to a toddler group or something?

[WideWebWitch]

Hi KR. I moved from London to Devon (stayed there 3 years) then Devon to Bristol (stayed there 3 years) and now happy in home counties, so rural but an hour from London.

Reasons for moving from Devon:
no ability to earn a living, salaries too low
small town mentality - buy 2 bottles of wine and people say, ooh, are you having a PARTY?
mono culture, Devon is 99.9% white, ds is half Indian
too far from ex dh and his family, and he sees ds every other weekend
felt stifled in some ways

Reasons for moving from Bristol
house price to income ratio ridiculous
therefore we could only afford a poor part of town
high crime
I couldn't find well paid work and was offered a job in the SE
still a good 2.5 hrs from ex dh

And now we're not moving again. here we;ve got
good schools
reasonable housing costs given that we're paid London salaries but housing costs are cheaper than London
countryside around us but witinh 20 mins of a John Lewis
an hour from London (I work there now)
near ex dh
So if you really are missing being somewhere bigger then I think you could consider moving again. I know 'proper' country life isn't for me. This is a happy medium.

Btw in Devon I did pre school etc too and I did make a couple of friends. Still didn't change the other things that were wrong with living there for me.

[katierocket]

that's interesting www. Did your children have to change schools? (I can't remember their ages).

[dinny]

Katerocket, sorry to hear things aren't good for your ds at school - we are at a village school and I find it really cliquey, though do have a coupld of v close friends now. we are planning a move (back to where I am from which is REALOLY renote) and there is only one school, so dread some situation like this happening. God, so hard to know what's for the best, isn't it?

[WideWebWitch]

KR, the first time dd didn't exist and ds had done 1 year in a sweet village school. Then he went to a terrible terrible school in Bristol (another reason we moved) and now he's in a great school. Dd went to a nursery in Bristol but is in a MUCH MUCH better one now and will go to the same good school as ds in Sept this year. So, yes, both moves I had a school age child. They're now 10 and 4.

[notalone]

We moved from Sussex to South Yorkshire a few years back. On the plus side we have a gorgeous house that we could never have afforded down south and we have a lot more money than we did down there. I have made friends but it has been bloody hard work and I don't feel we click as well as my friends and I did down south. I also feel my accent is a hindrance - I live somewhere very provincial and people don't take well to "posh southerners". DS on the other hand has never known anything different and loves his life here. Also we can afford to send him to lots of activities which he loves - we could never afford that down south.

I know for DS we are doing the right thing but if I am honest, if it wasn't for the money issue I would be back where I came from in a heartbeat. I have accepted my life but still pine for where I come from and where I consider home to be.

Katierocket - you do have the advantage of already having a good mate in the area. Have you met any of her / his other friends. You may well find you bond with them too and have a ready made social life before you know it

[tallulah]

I moved from Portsmouth to Kent 25 years ago. I've never liked it here but I've been away too long for Portsmouth to ever be home again so I don't feel I belong anywhere now.

If I had my time again I'd stay put

[katierocket]

It's funny because I never thought I'd feel like this. I think I probably have to give it another 6 months (that will be a full year), I'm not sure it's a fair chance otherwise.

notalone - it is great having good friend here and I have met people through her (when with her) but you know, it's a slow process and I can't really instantly jump on her friends IFYKWIM.

[notalone]

It takes time Katierocket. I reckon by giving it at least a year you will have time to settle in and will probably be a lot happier. It takes a while to make good friends but you already have the advantage of having a good mate near you. I have a feeling you will be fine given time and Wales is beautiful . Where in Wales are you?

[katierocket]

top of mid wales, in a village near Welshpool. It is beautiful. Just don't know whether they beauty is enough IFYKWIM.
This blinkin weather doesn't help!

[wantslotsofbabies]

I moved to a really remote area in Highland Scotland - I married a farmer - but find the people here very aloof and sometimes quite unfriendly. It is a stunningly beautiful area but it is hard to get to events in the nearest town...especially the past few weeks as we have had lots of snow.
Even the Woman's Rural was cliquey and unwelcoming.

[katierocket]

I just don't understand why people are unfriendly in small places. Is it just because they don't have the experience of meeting new people very often? I have to say that some of the mum's at DS1's new school just don't seem to have (what I would consider) basic social graces - like being interested in others, asking 'how are you?' etc

[notalone]

I have found the same here Katierocket. I live in a ex mining village and most people here have been here all their lives as have generations before them. They are not very friendly or tolerant of newcomers and imo its a ridiculous mentality. I think people don't make the effort because they feel they don't have to - they know everyone anyway so they are ok. They don't pause to consider how it feel from an outsiders point of view. Do you feel that in time you could be friends with some of your friends friends?

[notalone]

Wantlotsofbabies - where are you originally from? How long have you been there for?