Teasing child because of our choice of school

[Mumteefour]

My children go to a local private schoool.

It shouldn’t really matter why etc but I’ll tell you anyway - we couldn’t afford the fees but a relative offered to pay and we decided it was a gift to them that we couldn’t turn down and we accepted. You don’t need to know more than that. It’s not important here.

The point of the post is, that recently we have experienced other adults teasing and mimicking my children.

One person openly mimicked my daughter’s accent, repeatedly, to her face, laughing at her.
I don’t think she sounds ‘posh’ at all but yes she does speak quite nicely. She’s 12 years old. This adult repeatedly copied her accent, laughed at her and said things like “oh listen to you”, “oh jolly hockey sticks” and so on.

I could see my daughter becoming very uncomfortable and I should have said something but I’m afraid I didn’t. I didn’t really know what to say or how to say it without the situation becoming embarrassing and so I ignored it.

I wish I hadn’t which is the reason for this thread. What would you say if someone mimicked and teased your child in this way?

My other child recently spent time with the parents of his friend and they repeatedly called him posh in various ways. For example he wore a Ralph Lauren jumper, which was actually given to us by a friend, so was a hand me down, but the parents commented “oh you really are posh aren’t you”. They walked past a shop with the word Posh in it and said to my son “oh look it’s your shop” etc. There were many other little examples like this. Again, I’m annoyed with myself but I said nothing.

All harmless enough but also just not really very pleasant for them and all a bit unnecessary.

My children have always been questioned on where they go to school by other children, all the time, when they meet other children at out of school activities etc. Questions like “oh are you really rich, do you have a swimming pool” and “why do you pay to go to go to school” etc etc. But being on the receiving end from adults is a new thing.

Of course I’ve told them to smile politely and rise above it and that they will clearly have to get used to this sort of ribbing. But what a shame they have to. Why do adults think it’s ok to tease kids in this way, and in front of their own kids too and what are they saying to their children behind closed doors for some of the questions to come out of their kids mouths?

It’s really complicated OP. I guess you live in a working class area? I grew up in a working class area and went to a very “posh” university. I’ve basically been disowned by my original community. They think me stuck up when honestly I really really am not snobbish at all.
Inverse snobbery is understandable in many ways - the working class areas and communities have had a pretty shit time for a whole generation now
No excuse for bullying a child but your daughter will probably always be between worlds.

That happens often, people are defensive and mocking if they perceive someone else as being either better off or more well spoken than themselves. They'll cal them 'snobs' even though they've said and done nothing snobbish; it's the people doing the sneering who are the snobs!
If they had the mick taken out of them for their accents, they'd think it was really rude.

There's not much you can do about it, your child will learn to cope and ultimately true friends will see them as a person.

@JingsMahBucket I agree I need to stand up for my children. I have been a bit of a coward really, I just didn’t want to make a fuss! I spoke to my children in great detail over their being teased and we discussed how people think it’s funny to tease and don’t mean harm, that it’s born of jealously and to never, ever be ashamed of who they are and how they speak. We discussed that it appears this is what they will come up against in the world and that they should remain dignified and always have good manners. I don’t agree with them answering the adults back. They are confident children but I know they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that either. I need to man up if there is a next time though for sure.

@museumum I actually live in a nice part of Greater London. How sad that you have been disowned, that’s so sad.

Do be careful about the jealousy thing. Not a good idea to let children think they are better than other people. I would stick to rudeness, and that some people pick on whatever’s different about others to bully/ tease about.

@BertrandRussell, yes good point, thank you. I have mentioned that some people will feel jealous but I haven’t made a really big thing of it. I’ve mainly focused on their response, which is to remain dignified.

You could try giving your kids some responses for next time, something that isn't "talking back" to adults but that might shut the teasing down. If you agree with an insult, that leaves the person with nowhere to go, maybe "yes, we are posher than Jacob Rees-Mogg", or something equally ludicrous. If they smile sweetly then they won't seem as if the snotty remarks bother them.

I went to private school and heard the same. Many many years later if I tell people where I went to school I get similar comments again. And it’s not even a high profile school, it’s just a small local indie.
ExHs auntie said the first time I met her ‘oh you’ll never live that down’.

I usually laugh along these days, I don’t really care. I have made the point to people before that a. It wasn’t my choice, I was 11 I went where my parents chose and b. It was five years of my life, I’m in my 40s.

Grown adults taking the piss out of kids are arseholes. You should pull them up on it.

It was the same when I was a kid.

“Ooooo, you’re posh, aren’t you?”.
“Yes, I am.”

The kids all took the piss out of each other’s school. Much ridicule over who had failed or passed each exam. Who was a swot for getting into the most selective, who was rich but dim so went to the school that parents boasted that they chose for pastoral care. At least we don’t wear red blazers, at least we’re not Catholic, at least our head isn’t a paedo, at least our parents want us to pass.

Adults were the worst if you had been carefully brought up not to insult adults. As a young teen I’d give a weak smile. By the time I’d left I’d developed the “lucky for you I’m too posh to knock you on your arse” approach which is both more satisfying and more effective. For goodness sake stand up for her and tell her it’s ok for her to stand up for herself