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Original poster

Dr Winston programme

38 replies

emilys · 14/08/2002 09:07

Was anyone else left feeling like an inadequate mum who has already caused irreperable damage to their young children after last nights programme?!

I can understand what they were getting at but who can honestly say that they are the happy fun mum 24/7? With the pressures of living in today's world - financial, work,babies etc. it is very hard to make time to do all the things you would like to do with your children. I think the only way you can possibly strive to be this perfect being is by not working, having a cleaner and having a bit of part time child care so that you have time to yourself to make you this happy content, fun person, who can then play all day - very few of us can afford this luxury!

I do take the point however, that small changes in behaviour can make a significant difference which was highlighted when the single mum (of 2) was playing with her daughter towards the end. I found this case very sad and felt sorry for her.

This morning when i kissed my ds (2 1/2yrs) he pointed to the door and said 'mummy - go to work' - i wondered if in Dr W's book this would be 'worrying behaviour' - i would love to stay at home and play all day - it's just not reality. DH says i'm being paranoid!!!

OP posts:

Enid · 15/08/2002 11:29

not critising emilys, just found it amusing about the private school/healthcare/nanny thing as I would be much more likely to consider those than my parents and their peers ever were. I can honestly say we didn't know anyone that had private healthcare and I always assumed that all those things were much more inaccessible in the 70's.

Original poster

emilys · 15/08/2002 11:59

maybe i should clarify - i'm talking about the 80's - i really don't think the private system - whether health or education - was that inaccesible then. My point was that the gap is much bigger now than it was. For example, nursery fee's (relatively speaking) take up a far bigger pecentage of income now than they ever did.

OP posts:

Marina · 15/08/2002 12:00

Agree, Enid and Aloha, I knew no-one with au pairs etc growing up, in a not very affluent but "respectable" London suburb. That's not a criticism either, Emilys, we just did not know anyone with work patterns like your family's. I first encountered the alluring world of the affluent professional lifestyle in France, working as an au pair. That was an eye-opener and I am sure that is why I still love that country so much - hello, avocadoes, garlic and wine that was not from Bulgaria...

Original poster

emilys · 15/08/2002 12:00

anway - this is totally going off the track - probably a topic for a seperate thread.

OP posts:

aloha · 15/08/2002 15:00

Agree, but it's interesting. Au Pairs are still v v cheap (less than £50 a week, I think) and I quite fancy one but have nowhere to put her. And as for having one when I was a kid, I don't think any Au Pair would have been very impressed with the English glamour and sophistication of our council flat. Just teasing Emilys, not having a go, honest!

SueDonim · 15/08/2002 16:08

I've recently read reports that more and more people are educating their children privately and choosing to have private health care. Not that either of those is an option for us nor was it for my parents or anyone we knew.

There was also a report on the net yesterday saying that in some areas of London more than one in ten people earn more than 60,000K a year. So someone is better off, even if it isn't me!!

Eulalia · 16/08/2002 18:34

SimonHoward - what is a takeaway? LOL! I doubt if we have a takeaway more than once or twice a year. We have a drink in a pub also about 3/4 times a year.

My view of having a decent standard of living is having enough to eat, a roof over my head and enough for a few bottles of wine a week (with DH of course). Everything else is luxuries including basic things like clothes for myself. I am happy though. I'd rather not work and be poor.

Regarding housing costs - it depends where you live. We bought a very old house in a rural-ish area and our mortgage is not very big.

I read once somewhere recently that the biggest single item of expenditure in the average UK household is entertainment. We are on average better off than we used to be. In my parents age they'd not have spent money on half the things that are considered normal nowadays. I mean who makes their own clothes out of curtains etc now.

Anyway totally going off the subject here ... sorry!

leese · 16/08/2002 18:52

I think Julie Andrews still does.........

bossykate · 16/08/2002 21:31

eulalia

not having a go honest. i think i have read before that you and your dp/h are academics? apologies if i have got this wrong. my dh is also in academia. he tells me that academics salaries have not increased in real terms since 1979. i can't vouch for this exactly, but i think we all know that public sector workers pay has been under pressure. so from that perspective - it is not unreasonable to state that things have become more expensive since our parents' day.

whereabouts are you both by the way and what is your speciality?

Eulalia · 16/08/2002 22:26

Bossykate - yes and no to your questions. Both DH and I are graduates and I did used to work in academia but this was only a short-term contract research post. I don't work at all now. DH does actually work for the public sector (health service) indirectly through an agency. He is always extremely busy and doesn't get a good salary but it is adequate for our needs. He does have a pension and other benefits which make up for this shortfall. I did mean people in general (whatever their occupation) were better off, ie taking an average rather than specific groups of people.

Anyway we could go on arguing about this forever but I guess I mean not having takeways is hardly a hardship and I don't mean to make fun of your comment Simon.

Eulalia · 16/08/2002 22:28

Oh and we live near Aberdeen and DH graduated in social anthropology. My last job was at a teacher training collage but my qualifications are rather widespread - you don't want my life story here!

SueDonim · 22/08/2002 14:36

Just seen this about housing. London prices sound very scary to me. We couldn't afford a home costing GBP156K even though we've been houseowners for nearly 30 years!!

aloha · 22/08/2002 15:31

London house prices are insane. Many of my friends with babies are having to move out because they can't afford to upgrade from a tiny one bedroom flat and stay in our rather rough area of South London, and these are people with jobs most people think are quite 'respectable' (ie teachers, writers etc). I hate this as I shall miss my friends. We are lucky as bought the house long ago enough to have a mortage of less than half it's value (still well over £100,000 though)

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