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Original poster

How on earth do you tell someone they smell?

27 replies

MeanBean · 08/09/2004 13:51

I have that excrutiating old problem. My new male au-pair is the brother of a previous au-pair I had, who now lives 50 miles away and speaks pretty good English. Her brother on the other hand, speaks no English at all yet and pretty ropey German (I speak fluent German).

He is wonderful in every way, except that he absolutely honks to high heaven. He has a shower every night, but not in the mornings, and I did buy him a "welcome pack" which was a set of bath gel, deodorant etc., nicely packaged, in anticipation of this problem (I do this for every au-pair, male or female!) It appears he hasn't taken the hint.

His German is not good enough to explain the problem, but his sister is coming at the weekend. Should I ask her to speak to him, or would that be a bad approach? (She might not have that relationship with him.) Ignoring it is just not an option - it's really seriously unpleasant, and if you walk into a room where he's just been, it smells.

Oh why do people not wash regularly and use deodorant in this day and age? I feel so embarrassed about having to raise the subject, and I just don't know how to do it delicately...

OP posts:
auntyquated · 08/09/2004 13:53

could it be his clothes that smell rather than him. is he responsible for his own washing?

clairabelle · 08/09/2004 13:54

What a nightmare for you, have you tried saying that he is more than welcome to use the shower. in the morning, hint, hint. Failing that I think you will need to speak to his sister. Good luck.

coddychops · 08/09/2004 13:54

I would tell him, not that he smells but he need to wash more often

Easy · 08/09/2004 14:00

After living all my life, I have come to one conclusion.

If someone stinks, they have probably always stunk. Hence, hinting etc won't work, they just don't know they have a problem. So the only way they can be persuaded to do something about it is to be told, outright (but gently) that they have a problem.

How is your relationship with his sister? If you can, tell her of your problem, and ask if she can tell him. If she says she can't then you'll have to do it. Find a quiet time when you won't be interrupted, make him a coffee, tell him your happy with how he's settled in or something (start with something nice), then do the "BUT, do you realise you have a problem?".

Help him work out a strategy to solve it (morning showers, deoderant etc), and please smile at him lots during the discussion.

How do their mums let them leave home without knowing this stuff, eh?

wild · 08/09/2004 14:01

I would speak to his sister at the weekend. Just say what you said here - he's great, but a morning shower and deoderant would be a plus. You must have a decent relationship with her if she was your au pair and post has 'stayed in teh family'. She can't be unaware if its as bad as that, and whatever relationshp she has with him she knows him better than you do atm. Just be extra nice to him afterwards
good luck

Easy · 08/09/2004 14:02

Oh, and offer him a big bottle of ACE for his clothes. Once they become impregnated with B.O., they almost never lose it (an ex boyfriend of mine had it, had to buy new t-shirts and stuff. Then I dumped him!)

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 14:18

Why not ask him to take a morning shower instead of evening as it uses all the water or something like tha?

jampot · 08/09/2004 14:29

years ago I worked with a young girl, really pretty and nice, nice family etc, and she seriously stank!! it was a mixture of BO and cheap crap damp shoes - absolutely stomach turning and any room she went into reeked afterwards. My friend (HR) had to call her into her office and talk to her about it - she very kindly asked her if she used deoderant and had gone out and bought one for her and a body spray to try to see if she liked them. It also turned out she didn't de-fuzz her armpits which my pal advised on!!

Gingerbear · 08/09/2004 14:35

This takes me back to toothache's thread about Bad Breath Bovril man....can't find it now, but when toothy was pregnant poor love had to put up with horrible smelly breathed man in her office (he also had a bovril addiction)

Easy · 08/09/2004 14:56

MeanBean, I've just thought ....

All that smiling at him, I hope he doesn't think you're 'getting fresh'

enid · 08/09/2004 15:02

If he has a shower every night then I would say he has a problem - simply having more showers isn't going to cure it. I second the suggestion that it might be his clothes?

I had to tell a woman at work that she smelled once. It was awful, I was only 17 and a Saturday girl at Selfridges, she was another Saturday girl. The full time staff voted me to tell her that she smelled - she really really stank. I fudged it by asking her what deodorant she used. She immediately went bright red, and said 'I know, I smell horrible, I have a problem with my sweat glands and I have to have an operation. Sorry.' I felt so awful for her, poor love. Anyway, she left the next week . She really smelled though.

Thomcat · 08/09/2004 15:17

My DP had a guy at work that stunk and he told him look mate this is a small office and it's dinging in here, you've got to start wearing deodrant. when this wasn't acted on D went out and bought him a massive can of it and said, 'mate, please do me a favour and use this tomorrow yeah, thanks a lot' and goit back on with work. Problem was sorted, became really friendly with him!

I couln't have done it!

Original poster
MeanBean · 08/09/2004 15:18

I don't think it's his clothes as he's only been here since Sunday and I am presuming (perhaps wrongly!) that they'll all have been washed before he came. The problem at the moment is that his level of German just isn't good enough to explain to him anything of more than one syllable words, which is why I was thinking of going through his sister (apart from chickening out of it myself). I also think that some people just need to use deodorant, and some can get away with not using it, and that he's not one of the latter, but comes from a culture where deodorant use still isn't as widespread as it is here. I?m hoping it?s not that old gland problem, Enid, but perhaps not using deodorant.

Easy! I've already been told today by a particularly envious-looking woman in the mothers and toddlers group that I'm a dirty old tart for having a string of young men in the house (my previous au-pair was also male, but with no smelly problems!)

OP posts:
Easy · 08/09/2004 15:23

MB, where do you find them? I've joked for years with dh that we need a Phillipino house boy!

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 15:25

MB you could try holding your nostrils and pointing at his armpits, shouting POOOOOOOOO! That should overcome language difficulties.

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 15:27

Or say: Sie riechen schrecklich (according to Babel fish this is german for You smell horrible)

Original poster
MeanBean · 08/09/2004 15:40

ROFL CD!
Thank you for that constructive contribution!

OP posts:
Original poster
MeanBean · 08/09/2004 15:41

Easy - isn't the internet a wonderful thing... www.greataupair.com
Happy hunting!

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 15:42

God how weird I was on that site just now! Nearly registered
Is it good?

Thomcat · 08/09/2004 15:48

LOL CD!

Original poster
MeanBean · 08/09/2004 15:51

Countess, that site is better than any au-pair agency. And a lot cheaper!

OP posts:
Easy · 08/09/2004 15:51

All we need then is house big enough to accommodate someone else.

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 15:53

What about this one, it's free

Easy · 08/09/2004 15:55

Oh, CD I thought you meant a house

CountessDracula · 08/09/2004 15:57

Oh sorry, no!
You could put a caravan in your garden

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