Anyone know anything about voluntary work for someone recovering from a nervous breakdown?

[Eulalia]

A bit of background - dh's daughter age 28 arrived off the coach from London last week to visit us. She was missing for 2 days and was found wandering Aberdeen. She was in hospital for a couple of days and is now in a psychiatric hospital.

She had a breakdown 2 years ago due to herpex simplex encephalitis due to mainly taking drugs and not looking after herself. She recovered after several months and went back to work. Since then she seemed fine (we saw her 3 months ago) but then phoned a few weeks ago to say she'd left her boyfriend. Then boyfriend phoned asking if she'd got here ok. We didn't even know she was coming. Basically she's chucked everything in and come here as some kind of refuge. She doesn't seem to have had a relapse from the illness (ie the physical illess) but has had some sort of breakdown again.

Anyway dh and I feel we can only offer limited support as we had her living with us 10 years ago and it didn;t work out. Now she is an adult person she needs to sort her own life out. One option we felt may benefit her was to do some voluntary work. However I don't know if these organisations would take her on knowing her history. Anyone know anything about this? I think abroad would be best as it would just be a complete break for her and maybe for a few months or even up to a year? I've looked at the VSO website but I feel they are looking at stable competent people. Also some of the mental health organisations tend to focus on very poorly skilled people. She is well skilled, has a HND and has just been working in tele-sales and doing well at it.

Many thanks.

Glad you've found some useful contact numbers on the website.

Regarding your dh's daughter being declared homeless, your council may decide not to offer her a home in the city's worst areas. If she is classed as 'vulnerable' she might get offered a home in a 'better' area. Also the council might put her forward for a place at one of their supported housing schemes. Could be worth investigating?

Good luck!

dh spoke to her last night and seems she is quite keen to get back to her boyfriend. He is coming up this week to visit her and stay for a few days. I spoke to her boyfriend this morning and he is willing to help her out and maybe get back together but not to live together. So am still pursuing the housing route here to keep our options open. We have to do everything through social work so dh is finding out about that tonight.

It's all a lot of work ...

well, it's really good that the boyfriend is still on the scene, even though he is not keen on living with her and she is keen to go back to him. Hope this difference in their expectations gets ironed out. And that this daughter feels he is being supportive whatever they decide to do. It could be that once her boyfriend sees her and they talk he will agree to her living with him anyway. He might be a bit afraid about her mental illness and needs to take time before committing himself or making promises to her.

Anyway, it sounds like the daughter wants to sort something out for herself. She is not just expecting you to pick up the pieces, and that has to be good as well.

I think all you can do for now is present her with the options - research what your council/ social services can do for her and tell her why moving in with you permanetly is not possible. And that's exactly what you are doing. As you say, researching and explaining the options is a lot of work!

Thanks for taking the interest tigermoth. I don't know if I am getting paranoid but I started two threads recently (one completely off this subject) and no-one posted on them I think thats the first time that's ever happened to me....

Anyway the latest (this is like a soap opera). Her mother comes up on the overnight bus (12 hours!) yesterday and visits her dd and tries to discharge her and get her back down south with her. The staff wouldn't let her as her dd is still sectioned, so poor old mum ends up taking the bus all the way back again!

I hope you can contact that charity in Scotland, eulalia. That looks really promising.

Having read Pamina's message, I hope your dh has really laid things on the line at the hospital. I know there's lots of issues here, not just the practical impossiblity of the daughter living with you. You obviously all want her to recover asap.

What a saga with the mother coming up! Well at least the daughter has plenty of people coming to see her - travelling 500 miles to do so, first her ex boyfriend and then her mother. And her mother offered to take her home, even. So it's not just you who are concerned about her. That must help you feel you and your dh have not been stranded with this situation.

I hope the hospital begins to formulate a care plan (or whatever it's called). Hope the charity gives you a full idea of what you can ask for and what you can expect. That's crucial.

PS This week I have killed off a number of threads if that makes you feel any better!Perhaps it's just the holiday season.

Thanks again tigermoth and pamina. In a rush just now but just wanted to say I visited her today and she was much better. She really liked seeing the kids too.

We are looking at sheltered accommodation or if she feels up to it just a week visiting our house and then going back to Cryodon and her boyfriend.

Quick update. She was really bad last week and didn't want visitors at the weekend. However boyfriend arrived last night and she is much better. She really wants to get back with him so looks like she'll be going back south soon.

Have to say I am sighing a sigh of relief. dh has already tried with her and its not worked (as I suspected). She was talking about what course of study she wanted to do and he didn't agree. So she really is better off sorting herself out away from both parents.

eulalia - will your stepdaughter and her boyfriend get sufficient support from mental health services down in Croydon? i think it is important that they don't get lost in the system when she moves away from your area, and that you and your dh should push to make sure that appropriate referrals/follow ups can be arranged after discharge.

Final update. Step daughter flew home (ie Croydon) yesterday. The hospital here made an appointment with her GP and provided medication for her. She is back staying with her boyfriend. dh and I are relieved. He is friends with her again but has realised that he can't help her as she doesn't want to listen to her anyway. He totally disagrees with her recent 'decision' (if you can call it that) to study music. As she has already said she wants to be a psychiatrist, doctor, firefighter, speech and language therapist to name but a few professions she has mentioned you can see that she has a bit of a problem settling down...

Anyway wrapping this thread up now. Thanks to all who listened to my ramblings.

Thanks for the update, Eulalia, I'd been wondering how it was going. Fingers X-ed that she's on the mend now. Is your ds back at school yet? Hope he's settled okay.

glad your stepdaughter is safely back in Croydon and has support from the local GP. Her boyfriend sounds like a very caring person. It must a such a relief to you. It sounds like she has a good basis on which to work out her problems herself.

I do know of people, without mental health problems, who were forever changing the course of their career aspirations in their twenties, so perhaps she just has to work through this,though in your shoes, I'd be looking worriedly at her choices, too. At some point she'll find practical barriers amyway - she can't get student loans and grants forever - so that might slow things down. I have one friend, late 40s, who has tried dozens of careers, got lots of diverse experience, ended up studying to be a careers advisor(!), got qualified, worked a year, is now fed up again and is looking around to try something different. She's got a brilliant CV, always manages to find good work, and now recognises that she's just not cut out to settle for long in any one job.

Just thinking about this stepdaughter's boyfriend - how much support is he getting? Does he feel he can talk honestly to you and your dh about his girlfriend? Is he in touch with her GP? Has she given him permission? It's just that if he suddenly feels overloaded with her problems, and decides he can't live with her, you could be back to square one. In my limited experience, carers don't get much support from the local authorities, unless they push for it, and the man may not want to go behind his girlfriend's back too ask for much. It could be the first experience he has had of being responsible for someone else - living with someone who has had a mental health problem won't be easy. I think it's really important that the boyfriend doesn't feel too left alone, even if that's what both he and the daugher want right now. Of course you may well have covered all this.

Thanks suedonim for posting on both threads!

tigermoth - thanks for flagging up support for her partner. I think she is unlikely to leave him to come up here again. She relies upon him and her friends too much. Also he is looking after her finances for the moment (with her agreement) so she won't actually be able to just jump on a bus again. dh has said emphatically that she cannot just drop everything in her life again and I know from their slightly iffy relationship when she was here this time that she knows she wouldn't be able to come running here. No she feels that she has to face things and her partner has said she must have counselling and stop taking drugs. I will suggest to him that he looks out various organisations for support.