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Original poster

Shy mum's DS invited to a Birthday Party... I am freaking out!!!

26 replies

Chandra · 14/07/2004 22:30

OK, I know that in other threads I have expressed my worry about my shyness and loussy small talk skills reducing DS's social life, as I find very difficult to make new friends/interact with the mothers of other childen. But now things have turned around and DS(17m) has 3 invitations for this month. One is OK because we know the parents since a long time ago, they are also from my country so I know what to expect.

Second party is for a child in DS's nursery group, have never met the parents. I felt that DS should attend because I will be very sad if we invited children to DS Birthday party and nobody showed up because we don't know the parents. Once I sent the acceptance, I realised that I have never been to a children's birthday party in England and don't know what to expect. DH has seen I'm freaking out and has sugested he may take him to the party but I don't know if that would be apropriate or correct.

Second party is for another boy at the nursery, we have just realised that his father has attended a couple of classes with DH and they invited DS even when he is a friend of their younger son but not of the one having the party. Curious thing is that we didn't receive an invitation card but a note written in the nursery's letterhead paper. DH has accepted the invitation and wants to take DS to the party, again I don't know if it is correct that daddy takes DS to the party or if it would be to imposing for the both of us to go, and the improvised invitation worries me a bit as maybe they have not planned to invite us... Please somebody tell me I'm silly...

DH doesn't have an idea about what is the protocol for Bday parties in England, he is so confused that has asked me to post this message to ask you if we should bring something to the party (apart from the present of course), and if he can taks DS, if we both should go with DS or if it's better that I take him myself.

Please help,

St Chandra Clueless, PAtron saint of shy mums.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 14/07/2004 22:35

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tamum · 14/07/2004 22:36

Oh Chandra, bless you. It would be fine for your dh to take your ds, and I wouldn't have said there was any need to take anything other than a present. I would also be perfectly happy for both parents to come to a party (for younger children, mine are too old for that now!), but I guess if it was in a small house or with loads of people then it would be better to have one parent per child.

I don't honestly think there is any real protocol for parties of little ones- just go with the flow. There's always something you can find to talk about with any other parent!

xx

tamum · 14/07/2004 22:37

Ooer, spookily similar post twiglett

Twiglett · 14/07/2004 22:38

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marthamoo · 14/07/2004 22:43

Oh bless, chandra, you sound so lovely.

Like twigs and tamum have said, it would be fine for your dh to take ds but if you can muster up the courage it would be a good way for you to get to know some of the other Mums. You can just talk about the kids - that's always a good ice breaker.."oh, how old is your little boy/little girl?" followed by a compliment "oh isn't he gorgeous/isn't she pretty/gosh he's so tall" works for me

I'm shy too, but I don't find small talk with other Mums too daunting - you can always find some common ground.

And no, you needn't take anything but a present and card - and don't spend too much

Go for it!

Twiglett · 14/07/2004 22:44

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Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 22:45

Thabk you, we are clearer now, but then another question has raised... dress code? (sorry to ask this question but I come from Soap Dinasty land, and mums get dressed very nice for birthday parties (sort of mother of the bride during a morning wedding but without the hat), surely I don't expect that but, how is it here?

OP posts:
tamum · 14/07/2004 22:52

Completely random, I would say, but definitely casual. I've never seen anyone dressed smartly (as opposed to nicely) at a child's party. You'll have to put those padded shoulders ack in the closet I'm afraid

marthamoo · 14/07/2004 22:52

No need to dress up! Whatever you normally wear is fine - jeans? Little girls tend to dress up for parties in party dresses, boys not so much. When my two boys have gone to parties I have just pushed the boat out by ironing their clothes and brushing their hair!

tamum · 14/07/2004 22:53

Ooops, I thought we were just talking about mums. My dd gets dressed up to the nines for parties, dripping with jewellery until I step in. Ds, on the other hand.....

Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 22:55

Marthamoo, my small talk skills are so lusy that I get very nervous, for example, today I had the courage to take DS to the park and there were other mums there, I said hello to one when both our DS ended up using the same climbing frame, I ask his age she said 15m, then I said DS was the same age and she said "good", then I said "is incredible good he walks for his age, has he started wallking very early" Answer "yes, he has" so I assumed she was not interested int alking to other mums and took DS out and went to other toy, I felt really awful because starting the conversation was a huge effort considering the way I am

The other day I said hello to one of the mums I met in my baby group (which I don't attend anymore), I asked how she was and she just answer my question, I looked to DS and when I looked back she was gone. Not even said good bye though we were in a rather small space on our own

OP posts:
Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 22:58

Tamum, blimey... no padded shoulders! good they have been having other uses after the 80's once I got pregnat I bin them

OP posts:
tamum · 14/07/2004 22:58

Maybe they're shyer than you, do you think? Oh you poor thing. Being parents with children at nursery together is always a good ice-breaker IME. We always used to start making fun of the (rather sanctimonious) nursery rules and telling each other off

tamum · 14/07/2004 22:58

Nah, and no Big Hair either

marthamoo · 14/07/2004 22:59

All I can say is they sound bloody unfriendly near you, Chandra. I would talk to you! I do know what you mean though - I got this far more when I just had ds1, I am a bit more confident now. Just persevere - and if they are not friendly then tell yourself that is their loss - don't give up. Have you tried to arrange a MNer meet up near you? We're a nice bunch.

Beetroot · 14/07/2004 23:00

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Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 23:02

Yes, I know you are a nice bunch, but I'm afraid to ruin it too, I don't know what I would do without Mumsnet...

OP posts:
marthamoo · 14/07/2004 23:04

Aw Chandra (((HUGS)))

tamum · 14/07/2004 23:04

I'm going to bed now, but don't worry Chandra

Goodnight.

Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 23:05

Hi Beetrot, this morning I confused you with Rhubarb and though you were the one who was leaving, good to see I was wrong

OP posts:
marthamoo · 14/07/2004 23:06

It's all these fruit n' veg names.

Beetroot · 14/07/2004 23:17

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Original poster
Chandra · 14/07/2004 23:18

Probably is the result of hunger, they both are included in the diet I started today...

OP posts:
newgirl · 15/07/2004 15:39

I am sure the mum who disappeared was off chasing after her little one. It happens to me all the time. I like it when my dd stays on the swings so i can have a chat but she usually wants to go on the climbing frames which is impossible for a conversation!!!

I went to a nursery party last week and no mums knew each other at all!! So we were all in the same boat and had a nice time. One or two weren't that chatty but two were so that was enough for me! Have fun!

helenmc · 15/07/2004 19:56

Hi Chandra, a good tip my DH told me was to try and ask questions where the other parents have to give you a reply rather than a simple yes/no. eg How long have you lived here ?? Hope you and DS have a good time.