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Original poster

What do you all make of this?

40 replies

lou33 · 09/06/2004 17:04

Dd1 had a project at school, in which she had to pair up with another child a build a castle. Her and the other girl cam home to mine and planned it all out, then went to other girl's house,as this child said her neighbour had lots of odds and ends of wood, etc ,lying about and had agreed to help build it. Hoorah I thought. So the castle was built and sprayed and apparently looks fine and dandy, and is in school. Now dd1 has come home from school , saying her friend says we have to pay for half of the materials used, and that she cannot bring it home for us to see until she does.

I am cross. Not because we have to pay, but because, nothing was mentioned about money in the beginning ( we were given the impression it was all leftovers they were using),and the girl in question is asking for the money. I told dd1 to ask her friend to get the mum to call me, but she keeps coming back with messages allegedly from the mum, saying we have to pay. It isn't a huge amount, but I think this is something I need to hear from an adult, not a child. We can't call her because she refuses to give out her number, and tbh I don't see why I should have to make the effort to go round and talk about it, seeing as she has landed this bill on us. We have never met btw.

If she rings and talks to me we will pay , but I don't want to take the word of a 12 year old for it. Am also aggrieved that she is telling dd that she won't be able to bring it home unless we stump up.

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
robinw · 10/06/2004 09:35

message withdrawn

MeanBean · 10/06/2004 09:49

I agree with you, the other family should put any request for money in writing, or should call you. The onus is not on you to go round - you've stated quite clearly that you're happy to pay any cost as long as the request comes from an authorised source, not a 12 year old.

I'm a bit confused as to why a 12 year old girl is being given the authority to decide who takes this castle home. Who is in charge here, this girl or the teacher? "The school is not stopping her" sounds like the school is playing a bit of a passive role in this.

Call me a bumptious mum, but I would simply go along to the school and ask her teacher when would be a convenient day for me to pick up the castle that my daughter part built as a school project and take it home for a couple of days so that DD's siblings can see it. Assume that you have a perfect right to do so - you do.

I also think that the school should get involved in this; it's an unnecessary unpleasantness for you (and your dd) that could have been avoided if there were guidelines about agreeing costs, times, venues etc. in advance. This time it's only a small amount of money (for you), but next time, it could be a significant amount for someone else. And it does sound like the school are taking a back seat and allowing this 12 year old to call the shots. Sending out a very bad message, both to her and other kids.

Cam · 10/06/2004 12:06

My dd has had to make several things (one of them a castle)over the last few years at school and there can be no question of anyone paying anyone else in my view. Even if the children have to double up as in your case, all materials would be seen as donations. Inform the school of the situation as there are no circumstances in which it is appropriate for one child at school to be asking another child for money. If the other mother has a problem re the making of the castle, it is up to her to talk directly with you, not send messages through her child.

NomDePlume · 10/06/2004 12:16

I don't think you are at all unreasonable in seeking confirmation from this girls mother.

tigermoth · 11/06/2004 00:05

So the castle is still at school? do you know how long the school want to keep it? Can you find out?

Once you have an idea, go in to the school and say you're borrowing it, just as meanbean suggests. You don't need a 12 year old's permission to do this! Just do it. Take it home for a few days so everyone gets the chance to admire it, then return it to the school - not the other girl.

Do you think your dd wants to keep it or will she be happy borrowing it like this? if she really wants to have a share in it long term, then the situation is more difficult.

Agree you should, for now, ignore the girl's requests for money and not do more. You have said you'll speak to her mum, not refused to pay. In the meantime, take the castle home for a few days.

I do wonder if the girl's parents are at the root of this. Do you think they have put pressure on the girl to extract money from you? Perhaps she used more of their spare bits and bobs than she was meant to and has caused huge trouble at home? Perhaps the girl has been told her own money will be confiscated until she pays for the materials? The mum might be in a really foul temper about it (you say the family is odd) hence the daughter's reluctance to let you speak to her direct.

bobs · 22/06/2004 00:35

So what's happened Lou33?????

gothicmama · 22/06/2004 08:01

You could always ask for receipts for the materials used - in a way call her bluff - I have not read whole of the thread !! sorry

motherinferior · 22/06/2004 08:10

Yes, just seen this thread, what happened?

Piffleoffagus · 22/06/2004 08:41

I'd ask the school to get involved with regards to contacting the parents... I reckon the girl is on the take ...

Pagan · 22/06/2004 10:19

Now I'm going to be really controversial - sorry if I offend but it may give food for thought. At the start of the thread you didn't see why you should have to go round to visit the other mother which I thought would have taken the bull by the horns and solved the problem there and then but continuing into the thread you say that you just don't want to go round coz you think the family are weird. Perhaps your DD would learn to stand up for herself more if you lead by example and just went round there and sorted it all out right away. She must be getting very confused messages. By going round you'll find out exactly if the request for money came from the mother then if so you'll be able to tell her that you would have appreciated notice of this beforehand and you'll be able to ask her why she did not want to call you about it. What's the worst that could happen? She'll either squirm a bit with embarrassment else she'll be horrified as her DD was telling fibs. You never know, maybe she lives in ignorant bliss and has no idea what is going on.

Original poster
lou33 · 22/06/2004 10:32

It did come from the mother. It's all sorted now anyway. Mum was a fool to deal with as well. Wrong messages being sent via kids, which is why we have always said we wanted to speak to an adult. Maybe the woman will listen next time.

OP posts:
Pagan · 22/06/2004 10:58

So what was it all about then?

agy · 22/06/2004 19:09

Aah, come on Lou! Tell us what happened. Did you go to the school or did you go round their house? Glad its sorted anyway.

Original poster
lou33 · 22/06/2004 20:00

Bloody kids not giving full info,really. The mum called us in a right strop, and was v aggressive, but dh was v calm, and told her if she had dealt with us directly instead of via 12 year olds, then we would have had it all sorted a lot sooner.

OP posts:
agy · 23/06/2004 10:46

Glad its settled anyway.

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