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Original poster

Were you bullied at school?

69 replies

charliecat · 28/05/2004 10:31

I was, for being english in a scottish school, for being vegetarian, for not having the right clothes (in fact when i did wear the right clothes I had them ripped off me to prove they were fakes, they werent) for going out with someone that everyone else fancied but he wanted me, so I got my head kicked in...the list goes on...were you and what for?

OP posts:

Original poster

charliecat · 30/05/2004 20:50

Bump for Batters to answer Custardos question!

OP posts:

twiglett · 30/05/2004 21:07

message withdrawn

Miaou · 30/05/2004 21:21

This whole subject makes my blood run cold. I had counselling for years due to bullying at school and have never really got over it. My experiences weren't even as bad as some mentioned here, but I can honestly say that at some point in each day I think about what happened to me at secondary school ... I don't think I'll ever be able to move on.

What I really worry about is that dd1 will follow in my footsteps - she is so similar to me - any tips on how best to handle potential bullying? She is 7 and v. secure just now, worry though when she moves to secondary at 12 (long way off I know, but I am paranoid)

jampot · 30/05/2004 22:06

Dh was bullied at school quite badly as he wouldn't stand up for himself. His friend was bullied because he wouldn't swear FFS! Dh is very very bitter still and cannot abide bullying. A couple of weeks ago an incident occurred at school where a year 5 lad hit a year 6 girl in the face and gave her whiplash. I was relaying this story to dh and he went absolutely beserk telling dd if ever this lad hits her she is to kick him straight in the "nuts" and not to worry about any possible repercussions at school as he will deal with them. This lad has ADHD and he wouldn't listen after I had taken advice on this site about ADHD.

Miaou · 30/05/2004 22:09

Just shows what an emotive subject this is.

Original poster

charliecat · 30/05/2004 23:10

I had a similar experience to Twiglett this girl, because I had a cool boyfriend that she wanted started hassling me, nothing too much until one day I was halfway down a very big hill when she shouted my name, it was too far to run home and my mum had always say face up to it which id never done before, so I did, I had no choice.
I turned round and started walking up the hill toward this girl and I swear the whole of her F*ing estate on either side of her and said something along the lines of what do you want?...kept walking towards her.
She had obviously expected me to run and to have a great time chasing me home and kicking my head in so me turning round done something dont know what and I cannot for the life of me remember what she said but me and this group of about 40 kids walked down the road and the group were just waiting, just desperate for her to say GO and they would have probably killed me.
But she didnt so they didnt and when it got to the point in the road where I had to turn off I kept walking expecting them to let me get so far and then come after me and they didnt. The fear. I was muttering to myself and my legs were like jelly and when I got to the bit where they couldnt see me I ran like road runner to my flat and got in and locked the door and cryed for about an hour. My mum was in and I couldnt tell her for crying.
Somehow I managed to get to school the next day, I knew it would be worse if I stayed off and there was a few of the crowd at the school gates. They said Hello and nodded thier heads with respect???!!!!! and I would have liked to spat in their faces, but I just say Hello and wandered in. Never had any trouble from her, or them after that. I was about 15. I will never ever ever forget that day as long as I live.

OP posts:

exaussie · 30/05/2004 23:39

Had 2 of dd's (nearly 3) friends over to play the other day, age 5 a 3 1/2. They are both at nursery together, dd starts in a few months. They both get on really well with dd one on one, but were really mean to her when in a threesome - ganging up on dd, not sharing, running away from dd etc. Dd was extremely upset for most of the time. After reading this thread, I now wonder if my reaction was the right one. Even though I did step in and tell the 2 friends off - constantly, didn't really help. Friend 5 knew she was in the wrong, but friend 3 1/2 just laughed - made no difference anyway as soon as my back was turned. Felt like a bit of a wuss if I gave up and took the friends home, as I worried I was over-reacting and being an over-protective mother. Maybe I should have been harsher - and just taken them home. Mother of friend 5 is good friend of mine, and we discussed this - she spoke to her daughter about it. Now wonder if I let dd down by not helping her or encouraging her to fight back. She just couldn't understand why they weren't being nice.

Also suprised at my emotions during this - felt very angry, and completely out of control. Anyone else been in this situation and have advice?

I was bullied at school for being fat - I wasn't. Just not skinny like the "in-crowd". I was extremely shy also. Think it has had a lasting effect on my confidence - not hugely though

exaussie · 30/05/2004 23:43

Also have a friend with son 3 1/2. He bullies everyone (bites, kicks, scratches, pushes), especially kids smaller than him - and has done so for over a year. Do I tell dd to fight back? She has borne the brunt of many an attack.

Tortington · 31/05/2004 00:05

i dont think the fight back approach applies to toddlers or pre schoolers in general. you either tell the mother or stay away from the kid if poss.

any way am off to friends reunited to tell my bullies to feck off and die

exaussie · 31/05/2004 00:09

In general I do try to stay away, but the mother of this boy is a good friend, and I swore I wouldn't isolate her because she has an extremely difficult child. Bit hard, this one.

ScummyMummy · 31/05/2004 00:09

lolololol, custy. They deserve it.

Mind you, I think I was both bully and bullied at school and in the wider world as a kid. I hope Kitty and Lindsey never come looking for me... I still blush with awful shame when I think back to my dealings with those two.

Cam · 31/05/2004 17:02

I wasn't bullied at school, in fact I don't remember any bullying going on (which doesn't mean there wasn't any). Consequently I have been shocked to be bullied as an adult (in different situations including the workplace).I know for sure that at least one of the protagonists was herself bullied at school.

gothicmama · 31/05/2004 17:50

exaussie my dd 3.6 is similar situation so having tried approaching nursery, telling dd to tell someone , leave the situation it has now come down to if x hits yuo or is mean to you, hit x back I'm hoping this will be an end to it or at least hilite how serious x's behaviour is . I am sure from my exp that fighting back is the only way

gold123 · 31/05/2004 18:14

I was picked on by a teacher in Junior school. My dad used to sell insurance and visited her once, she didn't like me because my dad used to wear a suit to work and spoke quite posh.(my school was situated in the run-down area of my town) I was the last one in the class to write in pen even though I had very neat handwriting, she used to make me stand on my chair when it was obvious someone else on my table was being naughty, she also used to make me write things on the blackboard and because I was nervous my hand used to shake, therefore the whole class would laugh at me. I hate her even now, my dad still blames her for knocking my confidence. I even used to beg my dad not to turn up for parents evening in a suit !

Miaou · 31/05/2004 18:21

Jeez Gold, that's awful. What a nasty, insecure person they must have been to get pleasure out of tormenting a child in their care. I'd like to hope that someone like that nowadays would be found out pretty quickly but I have my doubts

papillon · 31/05/2004 18:52

Charliecat I did wot you did and stood up to a group of kids. A girl was ready to beat me up because she stole from me and I knew she had and got what was mine back via a teacher. She was repeating actions that she learnt from her family cause thats the kind of treatment she got at home, very little love shown & I remember her sisters came to school one day and thrashed her in the toilets - poor girl the teachers were to afraid to go in, the were big Maori women.
Anyhow had her and her male big cousin stood there with quite a group of kids that tormented me mentally on a regular basis and I stood up to her and she did not lay a finger on me. Finally rescued by a teacher after us talking for awhile.
So I think standing up for yourself as a kid is quite important - with limits of course and not by being a bully yourself.
There were a lot of kids there who were have loved to seen my head pulmelled that day which hurt more than her trying to intimidate me. A girl I had been best friends with from virtually the day I was born and her new mates. Because of her I was very lonely for a long time and developed had problems developing trusting friendships with females.
A much more sad outcome though is that while I have healed those childhood wounds that girl suffered alot of guilt about what she had done to me, has very low self esteem and confidence and has inherited a family mental disorder. She has had electric shock therapy, cannot walk down the street by herself from paranoria, must always be on medication and lives with her parents.

Batters · 31/05/2004 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paula71 · 31/05/2004 22:23

I was picked on because I was an only child and therefore no siblings to help me! I ended it when I fought the head bully and won (up until then I had refused to fight and was thought of as a soft touch. I really went for it, beat her black and blue then sat down and began my work again- yes the showdown was in class, while the teacher was out.)

In Primary 4 I was bullied by the teacher, Mrs McGillvary. She just hated me with a passion, I was forever getting smacked and sent to the corner desk for no real reason. She ended up making me ill so I missed most of that year and then she went off ill (possibly someone threw a bucket of water over her and she started melting.) The next teacher was much better.

(I remember when McGillvary was still teaching the class and I went back after a period of illness. I stood in the class and burst into tears I so didn't want to be there and most of the class came round and sympathised, they knew what had been going on. Pity the adults didn't believe me.)

sassafras123 · 05/07/2020 23:43

Anyone bullied at school and has this had any long lasting issues with you? For myself I was bullied incessantly at senior school and even now 45 years later I still have breakdowns about it. I was always very shy and a people pleaser my parents were older and I didn't want them to be worried about me so kept quiet . Now I keep getting these horrible flashbacks and feel so sad

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