Cake Watchers

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

I have had enough of trying to be thin. Or even a bit thinner. I'm not massive but I am bigger than I should be. Its just too hard to lose weight. And I'm getting older - 41. And DH doesn't give a damn (God love him) Who has accepted their bodies, embraced their chubster self and stuck two fingers up at the world of thin? Come on women give some support to my fatty self

[WaitrosePigeon]

I am so in!!

[YvaineStormhold]

That's a good way of looking at it, MotheringShites.

Reasonableness. I like it.

[KinkyDorito]

Totally getting to this stage. I'd lost 3st last year, still over 1st to go to get back into normal, but illness and general cba-ness has seen me regain about 10lbs. Most of this has been during the past fortnight where shitty weather has forced me to abandon all hope of jumping back onto the fitness bandwagon and eat bread and chocolate in industrial quantities instead.

People are going to think I've blown myself up with a foot pump when I go back to work...

I do need to start exercising again because I want to feel fitter and stronger in myself than I do currently, but I'm sick of eating different meals, faffing about all the time and the on-again, off-again dieting shite that has dominated my life since I was 12. I'm actually fine at this weight and beyond caring if I'm thin.

[Starface]

I like reasonableness too.

I am in the middle of baby producing and process. At times I feel I can lose a bit in that process, or tone etc. At those times I do think about what I'm eating and make sure it's not to manage my emotions (boredom, comfort eating etc). If I think I'm eating for those reasons I do check myself. But actually that is still driven by a view of my overall health including my emotional health. I'm no health food obsessive. But I do like fresh fruit and veg and a generally balanced diet. I feel crap if I'm only eating crap. But actually not obsessing over my weight or getting involved in the tedious weight loss conversations and culture that I see in groups of female friends is also about protecting my emotional health as so many of you have identified.

I want to enjoy my life, it could go anytime. I am not interested in puritanical self punishment and self denial. I want to be generally content with myself. I want to enjoy cake and not be wracked with guilt. I feel for phoenix who doesn't feel happy. Then I'd probably rein it in a bit, but not to the point of self flagellation. And if it felt too much bother I'd probably do the cost benefit analysis and get over it.
I like the reasonableness.

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

Ooh Mothering you may have hit on something there! I wonder if I tried that approach, I would feel a bit calmer around food? So much of it is in my head, which I am sure goes back to my childhood and my mum's approach to food. Love my mum to bits but she is a feeder, shows her love through food, and has tried so many diets its unreal.
Someone upthread (sorry I can't remember who, so many fab posts!) said once they stopped dieting and relaxed around food, they maintained their weight.
Food for thought!

[NewStartNewName]

Saw this and thought it suited you all

[GarlicShake]

once they stopped dieting and relaxed around food, they maintained their weight

I think nearly every poster has said this!

Any dietician will tell you it's not natural to keep going up & down in size, specific health conditions aside. And even with problems: my healthy weight was stable for decades, regardless of the amount of exercise (that changed my shape, but I still weighed the same.) Then I developed a nasty little clutch of health problems that force me to live an almost completely sedentary life, fuck with my thyroid and mean I take medications known to cause weight gain. I was braced for monumental lard accumulation. I gained 12 kilos. Then stopped gaining. It's been settled for 7-ish years now, so I'm reasonably confident that not-dieting is best! My doctor's not worried.

There are some conditions that produce non-stop fattening, just as there are some that cause total absence of body fat. If someone has one of these disorders, they'd know and should be seeing a specialist. They're pretty rare.

I'm another fan of the "reasonable test", Mothering :)

[MotheringShites]

Quick! I'd better write a book!

[GarlicShake]

Good idea!

[VimFuego101]

sign me up for Cake Watchers... I've gained and lost the same 3 stone about 10 times now! I need to focus more on getting healthy and less on losing weight.

[Openup41]

I am currently 10.5 stone and 5ft 6. I have an athletic build with a tiny waist and long limbs so look rather lean considering I am a size 10-12.

Last year I was 12 stone and felt frumpy. I convinced myself I was not too big as my small hips allowed me to wear a size 12. The truth is I spotted myself in a photograph and although toned, I looked far bigger than I would have liked.

I now eat no bread and very little carbohydrates with meals. I am a snacker so no rice, pasta or bread allows me to eat chocolate and other sweet treats without gaining weight. I bulk up my meat and fish with salad and vegetables.

I look better slim so will ensure I stay as close to 10.5 stone as I can. I now have no back or stomach fat so fitted tops and dresses give me a seamless look.

[MotheringShites]

I'm so glad some of you approve. I really feel that this is the way forward. There's no money in it, of course so nobody would market this very simple idea.

It's great to use in reverse. Is it reasonable to consume nothing but juice for a week? (done that one too) No. Is it reasonable to count, weigh, analyse everything? No. No solid food for two days? No.

[MotheringShites]

OP, my mum was and is a feeder. My siblings joke all the time.

Mum: how many sausages do you want?
Me: three
Mum: what was that? Seven?
Me: no, 3
Mum: I'll give you five just in case.

In case of what, we don't know.

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

Mothering, yes that's my mum!
A standard family joke was (and still is) when are the other 10 people coming? So much food on the table, and mum gets into a bit of a panic about whether there's enough! Ask her to get a pint of milk, she'll get two. Bless her she's a huge support to me but is responsible for a lot of my issues!
Yesterday morning my dad commented to my 12 yr old about how he looked slimmer and had lost some of his tummy! I was so furious. I am trying so hard to bring my boys up without any issues around their bodies and what they eat, and to encourage healthy eating, enjoying exercise and a few treats etc. Dad didn't mean any harm but its the mindset that I grew up with and its not on!
Sorry that was a bit of a rant, but I do feel motivated to try and change attitudes in our family.

[chunkymum1]

NewStart- love the poster. I may put this on my fridge door (instead of the photos of a thinner me 20 years ago that are supposed to motivate me not to eat).

MotheringShites- are you a sensible eating guru? Reasonableness looks like becoming my new mantra.

My DD (5 ft 6 and size 6/8) asked me last night if she was fat because she can pinch some flesh around her tummy if she bends a little and she has a rounded bottom (muscular from sports). I reassured her that she is not and we had a chat about unrealistic body images on TV etc but it got me thinking about the messages out children are getting. I know that there is an issue with childhood obesity but isn't it just as damaging to have another generation who are unhappy with themselves for not being 'perfect'. I will be encouraging DD to use Mothering's 'reasonableness' approach. I think this approach also works for body image considerations ie- is it reasonable to want to wear nice clothes that fit well when I go to a party (yes), is it reasonable to hate my body because I don't look exactly like the people in TV adverts (no), is it reasonable to do a bit more exercise and cut down on junk food to feel fitter (yes), is it reasonable to starve myself and miss out on social events in an effort to look like a celebrity (no)

[Mousefinkle]

I'm not overweight but I have gained a stone since last November . For me to be a small size 10 as I was then and weigh 10 stone I have to really heavily restrict my diet and exercise A LOT as in full on working out 5x a week, running 2-3 a week and yoga as well. It's crazy. Also everybody was worried for me at that size and said I looked ill. But I felt great and looking at pictures now am envious of myself last summer . I've been back on it this week and feel better about myself but I just can't bring myself to eat as little as I did last year... Too hungry, I get cranky.

It's obviously not a natural size for my body to be if I have to force it so much. That's my opinion anyway. I'm an hourglass and when I lose weight it all goes from my boobs and arse which are the two places I want a bit more fat on not less! I gain around my hips, tummy and thighs. Typical..:

[cleanmachine]

I agree with all the comments about society. One of the most insidious messages society tries to tell us is that fast people will be judged. Judged as being lazy, out of control, greedy, unable to say no to cake/chips/pizza, etc. And that other women especially are judging us. When the truth really is women are often the greatest support and champions of other women and we each have our own demons and busy lives to have time to be judging others.

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

Cleanmachine YY to women supporting each other. When I started this thread I was not expecting such an amazing response from so many women who all feel the same. I was half expecting loads of people to come along and tell me to pull my socks up, cut out carbs, count calories and juice some cabbage! It's disgusting that we feel under so much pressure to look a certain way. I feel like everyone on here has helped me give myself permission to be who I am, rather than constantly trying - and failing - to be someone I'm not.
I am hoping that I can begin to adopt the mindset of someone who follows a mostly healthy diet, but is able to enjoy treats without feeling guilty.
Ladies you are all amazing whatever shape and size you are!

[Mouseinahole]

I am size 16ish, weigh 12st 5lbs so at least two stones heavy however I was 14.5 stones at one time and SW got me here. However I am bored with dieting now. I have actually gained a pound since Christmas despite going every week. I am thinking of giving up and maybe trying 5:2 diet to maintain this weight.

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

Wow mouse I'm a size 16 and 14st9! :( your weight is my dream!!

[GarlicShake]

I shan't turn this into one of my fashion history lectures, but some here might like to google 'edwardian women photos'. The era covers the transition from tight-laced & boned stays to the roaring twenties. Thing is, we tend to caricature those women's bodies according to fashion plates of the time - but in real life, those women were too busy changing the world to fuck around being anxious about their weight.

I like checking my "normality meter" against these pictures, because photography was pretty common by then. It's very easy to see that even in the bones'n'bustles period, women weren't killing themselves to squeeze into the unnatural shape fashion wanted to impose. We just see a very diverse range of women, in rapidly evolving fashions, getting on with life.

And I am average. Average for our era, for Edwardian Britain, for my age - I'm only fat by an unnatural, unreasonable standard.

Looking at wartime photos and images from the '60s-'70s doesn't give a true normal. Wars bring fiercely restricted diet (people were so hungry, the government recipe book recommended toast sandwiches!) and the '60s brought amphetamines.

Mind you, it's very sad to see photos of poor Edwardian children :( They were emaciated.

[Thefitfatty]

openup41 your point?

Wore my bikini today. All 25 lbs over weight of me. Felt fucking awesome. And I got hit on 😏
It's all about doing what makes you feel healthy.
Exercise = healthy
Good food = healthy
Most of all loving yourself = healthy

[Thefitfatty]

Oh reading the Edwardian stuff. My grandmother was always considered slim and beautiful. Everyone always complimented her on her perfect figure. Well when I was 23 and a (loose) size 6 she gave me a dress she used to wear dancing during WWII. It was massive. At least 2 sizes too big.
she always told me I was too skinny. Goes to show how society changes

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

Interesting Garlic I will have a google later, and check my own normality meter!
Theftfatty I wish I had your confidence! Do you consider yourself toned? I have so many wobbly bits, I would never have the confidence to wear a bikini, although strangely I often look at larger women and admire them, maybe I just need to work on my 'I don't give a fuck' approach!

[AuntieMaryHadACanary]

Didn't mean that question rudely btw, none of my business if you're toned or not, was just curious if it gave you extra confidence!