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Original poster

What do you want to be called in hospital?

48 replies

JennH · 30/04/2004 21:52

Got shouted at by a patient for calling them by their first name today. Said it was disrespectful. I get this ocassionaly and don't understand..

I call everyone by their first name (often don't know how to pronounce last name!) also it seems friendlier to me, I would rather be called Jenni than Mrs H.

What would you prefer? Does it depend on who is calling you it (Dr, nurse, HCA etc)

OP posts:

eddm · 30/04/2004 23:58

JennH, why don't you want people to know your surname? Interested as that is exactly what the community midwives did and as I mentioned, made it difficult to complain (maybe that's why...).

eddm · 01/05/2004 00:00

Did anyone else see that story recently about the two bodies mixed up by the hospital because both men had the same Christian and surname (staff hadn't noticed that one man had a middle initial)? You can't be too careful...

alexsmum · 01/05/2004 00:59

My mum absolutely loathes it when people like doctors call her by first name, she finds really over familiar and I think a bit disrespectful.As somone said she calls them dr x, not bob so they should afford her the same respect.
Midwives I was fine being called by my first name,but on phone to strangers etc always call myself mrs..

toddlerbob · 01/05/2004 02:33

My doctors have all introduced themselves as Neil or Mike or Mark or whatever - so I think it's fair enough if they want to call me by my first name.

geekgrrl · 01/05/2004 07:35

am happy to be called by my first name in hospital - other than by consultants etc because they probably expect me to call them by their title and last name... problems with authority much like eddm! I also don't much care for being called 'mum' - dd has spent lots of time in hospital and at medical appointments and the staff always just call me mum- it sounds so..., well, mumsy!

SoupDragon · 01/05/2004 08:20

I'd prefer Mrs X at the start and thento be asked what I'd prefer. I don't use my first name, I use my middle one, so it always seems a bit strange when official people use my first name.

twiglett · 01/05/2004 08:33

message withdrawn

fisil · 01/05/2004 09:21

You wouldn't ever be able to please all people. So I guess asking them what they prefer and then using the name they have said is the best approach.

My surgery sometimes calls out first name and surname and sometimes Mrs surname. I had always assumed that thy listened to the name people gave when they booked their appointment. It wouldn't be too hard to record that name as they fill in the appointment book.

The thing that really gets my goat is people shortening names without your permission. I don't mind it so much about ds as he hasn't yet stated a preference and responds to full name (which we use at home) and shortened name (which often gets used at nursery). And it doesn't annoy me too much as I go by both my full and shortened name. But dp has never ever in his life been called by the shortened version of his name (the shortened version is the one cussed by Mrs Doubtfire about his ex's new partner) but people still shorten it. Whenever anyone does, I deliberatly use his actual name in my very next utterance. But I find that sooooo rude.

Sorry this is so long, but another thing about never pleasing everyone ... at our housewarming party my Granny (who finds walking very difficult and lives far away) got my mum to help her upstairs to the bathroom. Now this was probably the only time she would ever go upstairs in our house. So when she got down I asked her what she thought of our bedrooms. She was shocked and said "I would never dream of looking into your bedrooms dear." I was really upset because I took it as a snub that she didn't look all around our new house that we were so proud of. We both thought that each other was displaying bad manners! So as I said, you're never going to please everyone!

Rant over.

glitterfairy · 01/05/2004 09:25

Had to post here. As a nurse I would always ask. Common sense really.

mears · 01/05/2004 09:33

I like to be called by my first name but my dad, who is 87 this month, thinks that health professionals show a lack of respect when addressing him by his first name.

I think the question needs to be asked of the person what they prefer.

I have started a terrible habit, which I hate myself for, of using the terms Sweetheart, Pet, Honey and even Darling ! I have to say that I only use those terms when I am encouraging someone in the final stages of delivery who is needing a bit of encouragement. I think it is because I get called into rooms at the last kick and I don't always register the womans name because of the urgency of the situation. Nothing worse than willing someone on by saying 'You can do it Mary' when her name is Molly. They stop mid push to correct you

Original poster

JennH · 01/05/2004 16:55

Eddm I am trying not to be insulted, I hope you are not implying that I would try to avoid complaints.
I don't want everyone I look after to know my surname (although if asked, or they look on my ID they can see it) because some people struggle to understand that when I finish work thats it for me. I have had colleages rang up at home for health advice, and children teased in playgrounds...I have a very common surname, but I am protective.

I am very surprised at the answers here. I might start asking a bit more in future! I have always felt that if they call me Jenni then I should call them by their first name.

I am a HCA by the way, so pretty close to most of the patients. Oh and I call everyone sweetie and honey. We are a short term admissions ward, so often people are scared and upset and it is important to calm them down, and often referring to them affectionately can work.

Apart from yesterday I haven't had any complaints about using first names, just a few polite requests!

OP posts:

wobblyknicks · 01/05/2004 18:09

I'd love to have been called sweetie in hospital - though only from female doctors/nurses etc, from male ones it would just seem so camp I'd have pmsl!!!

The most important thing is having a good person looking after you. Jenni, you sound like you're really good at your job and really care, so that's the most important thing, not what you call people. Most of the 'professionals' in my local hospital are utter s**t (its not just me, everyone thinks so) - if they actually did a good job they could call me anything and I really wouldn't care.

KateandtheGirls · 01/05/2004 18:23

It seems as though my kid's doctors always refer to me as Mrs. X (Mrs. Andthegirls?), whereas if it's my doctor they'll call me Kate. I don't really mind being called Kate, but I have to say I like being refered to as Mrs. X. It does show a certain respect.

Linnet · 01/05/2004 22:10

At my dr's surgery when I book an appointment I book it under my christian name and surname, not Mrs X. So when they call me they call my full name not Mrs X. Have always done this and never had a problem with it.

When I was in hospital after having had my dd they reffered to all women as Mrs ? even if you weren't married. This really annoyed me as I wasn't married at the time and I would have preferred if they had called me by my christian name.

mummytojames · 01/05/2004 22:12

lisa definatley people always say oh mrs so ad so and i useualyreply call me lisa please its quicker and easier than my surname

marthamoo · 01/05/2004 22:23

Jenn,

I'm sorry you got shouted at, poor you. I would love to have you looking after me and I wouldn't care what you called me. I don't really have a preference - on maternity wards I've always been called by my first name. Other appointments it has usually been Mrs Moo or Martha Moo. I really don't mind at all.

Something that really bugs me is male shop assistants, younger than me, calling me "love." Now that is disrespectful - I am NOT their love, and I am conducting a business transaction with them (and indirectly paying their wages) and I really object to being called "love" in such a patronising manner.

I don't object to being called "love" per se - just under those circumstances.

eddm · 01/05/2004 22:36

Oh, Jenn, nooooo I wasn't implying anything, message was obviously badly phrased. Was just interested in what you said. Sorry. And actually you've got me there because I call everyone darling and sweetie too (although only people I know but it probably irritates some of them ? maybe I should do an anti-post on the curmudgeons thread, a sort of 'things I say that are probably really irritating but people are too polite to tell me'.)

eddm · 01/05/2004 22:53

Marthamoo, do you live up north? I'm down south now but still call people love, inadvertently. Get some very strange looks from teenagers when they move out of the way of the buggy and I say 'thanks love'!

Tinker · 01/05/2004 23:00

Jenn - I liked being called by my first name by nurses and midwives, no problem with that at all. HATE HATE HATE being called 'mum' though. "How's mum?" - urgh!

But I was f*ing livid at the policeman who stopped me for speeding calling me by my first name. Would have reported him except that I'd broken the law

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2004 09:55

I prefer my first name but when I was in labour the midwife called me a shortened version of it and it did feel strange because she didn't know me and it's only people I know well who call me that. I nearly stopped mid push to correct her Mears! and I really wanted to know afterwards from dp why she'd used that. He said she was copying him as he calls me that but actually, that wasn't the right thing to do, although she was so lovely I didn't really mind. If she'd have asked though I'd have given her the longer version. Ah well. I'm a Ms too and I correct anyone calling me Mrs or Miss (aren't many people who would use that though, must be my age!) Oh, I so agree about 'love' or 'darlin' and I'd soon correct anyone who called me that. And about drs or consultants, if they want me to call them dr so and so they can jolly well call me Ms xyz.

WideWebWitch · 02/05/2004 09:58

Although oddly enough, I wouldn't have objected or noticed much if the midwife had called me darling or sweetie while I was in labour. I sort of think she was entitled and that wouldn't have made me stop to correct her.

tallulah · 02/05/2004 11:03

I'm also of an age where all adults were Mr/Mrs or auntie/uncle (& that HUGE problem of what to call your friend's/bf's mum..). I prefer to be asked as well, since it depends on the circumstances. At the doctors it's always full name. I also can't stand the "mum" thing!

As i've probably said before, we have a double-barrelled surname, being myname-DHname. What I really can't stand is the converstaion that goes

name please -Mrs myname-hisname
hello Mrs hisname....

its SOOOO rude!!! One of the banks does it to me all the time (so I've started using the internet instead ). It seems petty to correct them but it drives me mad.

We had name badges at work & they asked us what we wanted to be called. The choice was just firstname, first name and surname, or Mrs surname. Most of us picked Mrs surname. I can't bear it when people I don't know get over-familiar. Especially those cold-calls from the banks/credit cards when they ue your name 3 times in every sentence. Funnily enough, DD works in a supermarket & has to have her first name on her badge- she doesn't like it either.

hercules · 02/05/2004 11:11

Dh used to call me "mummy" in front of ds. It took me some time of saying "i'm not your mother" for him to realise that it really pissed me off. Hello? I'm still a person!

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