charliecat, I have the opposite, a MIL and PIL who keep their house and garden immaculate. As they live a long way away, we have to stay over for a few days or more. They are lovely kind people but I know MIL feels compelled to spring clean as soon as we leave - she says so herself. I can sense her itching to get out the hoover.
I try to make sure our beds are made, our clothes are stored neatly and we take our shoes off as soon as we enter the house, but I know whatever I do won't stop her being the way she is. And even if she relaxed her standards, PIL would be very upset.
Much as I enjoy the calm and neatness of the house, I can't help feeling a sorry for them both. They are in their early 70's and IMO should be doing other things with their time. Who wants to be on their death bed thinking 'well at least I kept a very clean house' What's the point of it all? Nothing IMO. It's a distraction from real life, a trap people fall into, much like me here wasting my time on the internet
As far as I am concerned there is no virtue in an exceptionally clean house and I switch off when anyone implies otherwise. As you can see I feel quite strongly about this, partly because I have seen how my inlaws live, partly becasue my husband would love us to have a house that mirrors his parents, and partly because I happily grew up in quite a dirty and odd house myself. My dh knows by now that he will never have his parent's standards in this house as long as he is married to me and I will not be shamed into doing more. If and when we move nearer his parents I will not be keeing our home immaculate in case they pop in unexpectedly. He can do more if he wants - he sometimes does - but that's his decision. I could have all the time in the world and I would not spend it doing unnecessary housework. We know a couple, the woman is very houseproud and my dh just won't invite them round on the off chance and has said 'isn't it a pity?'. I've said to him, I'm not going to live my life making sure our house reaches someone elses high standards. They do not live here, I do. I know people define themselves and others by he external lives they lead. It's what we all do. But I think a sense of home is an emotive, personal thing. Assuming that it's mainly housework that defines a home and the homemakers of that home is a mistake IMHO.
This converation reminds me slightly of the slapping your child in public threads - you see a parent slapping a child and might be tempted to think that person is a bad parent, but IMO that's just a snapshot of their lives. Sometimes they are bad parents, sometimes what you witness is so repeated and extreme that it can't be otherwise. Go into a home the once and you don't really know what goes on there. Perhaps it does get cleaned up a bit sometimes, perhaps the people who live there, children included, are happy with the state it's in. I know there are extremes, but to be honest, few stories on this thread so far have made me feel that such and such a terrible home must house terrible people.