How long do your kids take to eat their tea?

[kando]

DD1 (age 3) has been taking an absolute AGE to eat her tea. Last night and tonight it has taken her an hour to eat it. Her meal wasn't anything new, in fact she asked for it (although without the vegetables, obviously!) She's gone from being quite good (ie eating it fairly quickly with no help from me) to taking ages, although if I helped her she'd be finished a lot sooner. I've put my foot down over helping to feed her as I have dd2 (16 months) to deal with too, and I think at 3 she should be able to manage herself.

I totally lost my patience with her tonight over it - I shouted at her so loudly (from the kitchen, not right in front of her) that I hurt my throat!

Is it unreasonable of me to expect a 3 year old to eat their tea in about 40 minutes? How long do your kids take to eat their tea - do you set a "time limit" and if so, how do you stick to it?

affected

DS1 - 11.5 yrs - Aggggggggggges, he's sat at the table long after the rest of us have left ! Generally around 15 - 20 minutes longer than DH and I

DS2 - 10 yrs - Around 10 minutes after DH and I have finished

DD - 19 months - Takes around 10 mins to eat her main evening meal. She takes longer if she is eating at the table with the family but she tends to have hers earlier (around 5ish) so that it doesn't clash with bath/bed time at 7.

At three I would say that it is likely just a phase, a toddler learning to exercise a bit more control over her own environment. Stick with it, it should pass

ds takes anything between 1 and 2 hours. We are very slack parents, and he intersperses it with Ivor the engine - it is the only way to get any good down him at all, and he really needs it at the moment.

Attention?? - are they seeking it I mean.

Can't offer constructive advice as have never had this problem with the DD's now 7 and 3.
What i have observed with DD2 is that by the evening she is tired and once her immediate hunger is saited she will say she has finished but is happy to continue eating if fed - so I feed her - I can understand this is a problem if you have a few little ones but other than that i don't see the problem with feeding her. She has good table manners for her age and is more than capable of eating unaided - BUT she is just tired..
Another observation is that both my DD's eat better when the whole family eat at the table together - it is then a family meal/event and not a "eat to satisfy hunger and then go and play" sort of experience - IYKWIM

DD tends to chat while eating, which I think is nice and sociable.

She does take forever sometimes, especially if she is tired or not that hungry.
Best solution for us is to tell her that if she eats it a bit quicker, she will have time for an extra story (if bedtime) or to watch a bit of a video, do some drawing, have a tea party etc, if at lunchtime. But if she really isn't going to eat it, no point keeping on at her!!!

HTH!!xx

From 10 seconds to over an hour. If he is not going to eat it, he is not going to eat it. I won't force him to eat, and I know he isn't going to change his mind. So I assume he is not hungry and I clear away. 10 seconds was last night's record, by the way. One attempt at pasta and bacon, quickly spat out.

Over an hour is the meals that he loves when he is really hungry. He will eat almost constantly for all of that time. Some days he is hungry, some days he isn't. Some meals he likes more than others. We just let him get on with it. I couldn't bear to sit with him for an hour if he wasn't eating or enjoying it, though.

I have all sorts of hang ups about food and a huge arse, and I was forced to eat what I was given, clean my plate etc. I'd prefer him to just take it as it comes, so that's what we're aiming for!

OK - I bet this is the worst tea time routine you'll have ever heard of...

Ds is 2, and has always been a complete pain when eating a proper meal - even as a baby he used to scream through each meal. If he doesn't eat he then doesn't sleep properly, so this is our routine:

We start tea at about 5.30pm - in front of the telly when Tickabilla's on (although that seems to have disappeared - disaster!), and the deal is that he eats at least 2 spoonfuls of tea first - this can take a minute or two, or 20 minutes, depending on his mood. When he's had 2 spoonfuls (and is either just about happy or in floods of tears...) we then get the sweets.... This is about 5 sweets chopped up into lots of smaller ones, and he will then alternate 1 - 2 spoonfuls of tea (I'm working on it always being 2), with 1 sweet.

NIGHTMARE - but this routine has taken us from every meal being a screaming/crying/tantrum event where he eats nothing, to something relatively calm where he usually finishes his tea every day. Bizarrely he doesn't 'need' this routine for breakfast or lunch.

I know it's wrong and wicked - and dp thinks it's an absolute disgrace - she normally doesn't even come in the room because it winds her up so much that this is what it takes to get him to eat, but I think it's a phase and will go in time - even getting him to have 2 spoons of tea for every 1 sweet is a small victory, I think - next step = 3 spoons!

Anyway, feel free to express horror - I'm in complete agreement!

Dd used to drive us bonkers as it took up to two hours for her to eat her tea. It was not like she was not hungry- we banned afternoon snack to see if it would starve her into sunmmission, but that did'nt work either. Tried the timer thing too, which worked for a while. tried getting her to help making the tea, and she ate most of it during the making process- so not a bad trick I think!
Finally I recognised that it was a control thing- ie it was the only thing she had ultimate control over. so we eventualy let it go.( within reason.) Now she is 8 nearly 9 and eats everything -veggies, all meat and everyone comments on what 'good eater' she is. The only thing I give myself credit for is that I never used sweets as a bribe. She just loves food now- so I am quite relaxed and put the delay tactics when she was 4, 5, 6 down to a phase.

PS - sorry - lost the whole point of the thread... once we're alternating spoonfuls, he's usually done by Storymakers (about an hour) and then it's off to bed as soon as we've watched the Blue Cow story!

Miracleabie - our posts crossed - v. ironic re: never using sweets as a bribe..!

Well almost never, if I am honest!!! I am not that virtuous.... and can';t vouch for granny or dh or Auntie!

Dd eats until she is no longer starving and then messes about for ages too.

Last night, tea started at about 6 and finished at about 7.30 (the final hour with her out of her high chair, alternating mouthfuls for herself with mouthfuls for her baby doll). It was a mess, but it worked!

Mind you she is not quite two. Sounds like I will have another year of picking bits of rice out of her baby doll's mouth!

dot1 - I sometimes do 2 mouthfuls and then something else too, but the something else will be a yoghurt or a strawberry. I'm really glad she hasn't discovered sweets yet!

Great to know that there are other slow eaters! We have fairly firm rules about meals. We always sit at the table for our main meal. Every bit of the main course has to be eaten to qualify for pudding. DD (7) is nearly always very good and eats well and quite quickly. Ds (5) is a nightmare. He can take about 45 mins to eat a really small meal. H shouts at him all through the meal which I don't think helps. When ds was much littler and in a highchair I used to give him a book (the Argos catalogue worked well) and shove food in his mouth while he looked at it. Can't really do it now though.

Agree about "control" - my niece was just like this and it was all about control. She is a good eater now. Ironically her brother is just the same.

wow, what a relief to hear that there are so many of us going through this shall we start a new thread to devise strict guide lines we can use for our experiment or at least a debate on what they should be to start with.

ie, no books, no distractions, timed, must sit at table (properly) dustbin if not finished in specified time. rewards if eat all quickly, are we allowed to make a 2nd choice if child wont eat first (HOw many meals have you cooked in one sitting) :0

if anyone has any other suggestiions lets get it together and see if we can at least find some common denominators or support for the pain!!!!

OOh I would say

give them the tea on a small plate and they eat it to your satisfaction and if they dont you dont get anything else!!

I have never offered an alternative!!( if you hgave to I would say bread and butter) a rocky road of no return!

Dot what are you like !! I am not suprised dh goes out!
I would bin the sweets!

From main meal through to desert and then grazing bits, 30 mins - to an hour.

Always eats at table, main meal can take about 15 mins depending on whether she'll eat it or chuck it across room. Then desert about 5 mins. Then I let her graze on pumpkin seeds, or raisins, fresh fruit and sometimes, a few crisps or white chocolate buttons for a treat until she's bored / had enough.

DH was never IN, Coddy - Dot's DP is a woman you numpty !!!!!

WSM -

(am giggling away here!).

Ah well - just call me a bad, bad mother...

Supper, what's that?

We now sit down to our own supper, put a nominal amount in front of ds (3.5), as long as he takes at least a mouthful, he is then allowed a "yohkka" (yoghurt/fromage frais) which he wolves down and normally has 2 (3 if he can get away with it!)

We understand that he eats well at the childminder (no veg though!), and he does also like ham, which he sometimes gets for supper if we're not eating with him. so I'm not going to worry!

What do you do when dinner is so short because dd (5) says doesn't like it then doesn't eat it? Feel shouldn't make her something else and she should eat the same as the rest of us but frequently she says this is something she does not like. Agree thoughh with point about not making children eat things they don't like as i can remember how that felt. Any advice?

My kids are fairly quick, anywhere between 20-40mins and this would be 2 courses. If it is something easy to eat like mashed advocado then that is wolfed down in seconds. I tend to give them lots of little plates ie veg first to make sure it is eaten, then the less healthy things at the end of the meal.

I find that if they know what they are eating then there is no problem even if it is the same things over and over. dd is a bit more adventurous but ds is quite restricted (he is autistic) - fortunately he does like fruit and veg so no worries there. The simpler the food is the better it seems, ie plain slices of ham, cheese, fishfingers, pasta etc. dd also likes stovies and spag bol and they will both just eat a bowl of peas with just a bit of butter on. If either of them start playing with their food then I know they don't really want it so it is just taken away.

Granarybeck - I would say by the age of 5 she can cope with being hungry/skipping a meal. My two are very good eaters - they do have some things they don't particularly like, and I don't give them those. Ds2 (nearly 5) occasionally decides he doesn't like what's on offer, or isn't particularly hungry, and I just let him go. I don't offer him an alternative, and he doesn't get anything else until the next regular meal, and that seems to work well. Being hungry occasionally means he learns to eat properly at mealtimes.

Eulalia - the sassenachs won't know what stovies are!

youre quite right i dont, what are they?????