final taboo

[celestine]

Hope this isn't too nosey a question - it really seems to be a taboo subject and not something you really want to ask your friends so here goes - how much do people spend on things. After all our monthly bills including mortgage are paid (£1000 approx)we should be left with about £650 to live on although it never works out like that because we owe money on our credit cards, overdraft etc and something always crops up like central heating broke down last month which eats into the £650. We spend about £400 on food so really we are cutting it really tight because there is no money left over for holidays, clothes, shoes, entertainment etc. Is this enough to live on? My friends husband is on £50k. Should I have stayed on in work to afford us a better standard of living but not be able to see the kids? Should we be thinking of other ways of cutting our outgoings - getting a cheaper house (altho we only have a mortgage for £54k) Should dh be thinking of getting another better paid job with added stress but more money (He's on £30,000 now which I think isn't much but he thinks is adequate). There doesn't seem to be anyone to discuss this with and is a constant source of arguing as I get days when I think I am the poorest person in this area. Unfortunately we live in a wealthy area so I inevitably end up comparing myself which I know I shouldn't do. Most of the women who go to my playgroups all seem to have the latest fashions and go on holidays abroad everyyear. What are other people paying out to maintain a standard of living? Reading back on this I sound so ungrateful and whinging - I don't mean to but sometimes wonder if we are leaving ourselves too short financially?

I am one who probably like most of you dreams of winning the lottery - it would help if I bought a ticket.... but I have very close relatives who are loaded and they ONLY have financial problems - These are 2 very different sets of relatives and different kind of money both have big problems with it (and I am not talking about where to invest or how to avoid taxes)... and these are never ending stories which would probably make JR blush ! It is just amazing that people have so many problems with money... you just think this wouldn't happen to you if you won the lottery.....

Tigermoth - loved your post. You're spot on about the freedom and about money bringing you choice. It's too easy to say, money doesn't bring happiness - true, but at least it gives you a darn good chance at it!

And there was me thinking this thread was about anal sex!! R

Have to admit, the Final Taboo makes me think of things other than money too!!!

I also thought this was about anal sex - glad I am not the only one.

Us women with wicked minds, eh!

Tigermoth, loved your post you summed up how I feel exactly. I think there is nothing wrong with wanting more in life and if one is feeling relatively poor, feeling fed up with it sometimes is completely understandable. The problem comes if it leaves one constantly thinking the grass is always greener or living for that new car, holiday, body one never enjoys the moment. James Dean has been quoted as saying something along the lines of 'live each day as if you'll die tomorrow and dream as if you'll live forever'...

Celestine - don't be too hard on yourself. It's easy to say that you should be grateful for what you have etc, but it's not always easy to do, especially when you're surrounded by people who have much more money than you do. BTW, I think you do very well to manage on £650 a month - we live pretty frugally (hardly any new clothes for us, almost zero expenditure on dd, and holidays in the UK), and spend a bit more than that, not including extras like buying things for our home. If you don't mind me asking, how much are you paying in interest on your credit cards (you did say it was a taboo!) You probably don't need me to tell you that it should be your first priority. I think saving money is a way of life - for example, our idea of a treat is a curry and beer on Friday night (total cost £10). Also, we're doing a houseswap this year, and we go and visit dh's parents alot, all of which are cheap holidays. We made the choice to stay in the city, which means our house is more expensive than it would be in the suburbs. But we calculated that the extra money we pay for our mortgage is less than we would have to spend to run a car. So we don't feel that poor. When we go and see our friends in London who all earn huge salaries, they don't seem any happier than us, and don't even seem to take advantage of what London has to offer as they work such long hours.

Anyway, it won't last forever. When your children go to school, you can maybe get a part-time job, even if only in the evenings. And remember, you'll probably not be paying any tax on it, so all the money is in your hand!

Celestine - I don't think that £250 is that much to live on after bills and food. You've still got a lot of things to buy after that. The only thing is that I would agree with Rhubarb that you could maybe cut down on your food bills. We feel fairly stretched financially but I do find that I can manage to maintain the groceries (and this includes wine, nappies and most toiletries besides the food) at less than £50 a week. I do this by being stingy with meat, eating lots of bread, buying virtually exclusively shop's own brand and sometimes budget brand and shopping on the net (easy to keep a track of the amount spent). I think I'm right in saying that Asda home delivery at £3.50 is the cheapest. I work three days a week and so decided to treat myself to net shopping when DS came off formula... And I am actually spending less.

I also cook proper meals and double portions and freeze. This works well in economies of scale and also gives us some ready meals for the days I work. Don't get me wrong - most childless couples I know spend as much as you on food and tend to be surprised at what I can manage.

You have made me start to wonder if I should be budgeting though. I have tended to let things float along a bit recently. Its so much easier to budget when there is enough money for everything!

Booza - I am impressed... I won't dare say how much we spend on food a week..... but I have to admit buying organic !

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I think so much of what we all feel on this topic is down to our expectations/perceptions of our situation - and the people we mix with.
As you have already picked up on celestine, most of your negative feelings come from the fact that you live in a wealthy area.
I'm from a very ordinary background and my mum was always the sort to buy from ''cheapo '' shops or charity shops - not so much becasue she absolutely 'had' to- just because she loved a bargain - and I've inherited her attitude.
I constantly shock kids at the secondary school where I teach by telling them that the clothes that they've just admired came from a charity shop - they're usually appalled - and can't work out which is worse - that I shop there - or that I'm prepared to admit it in public!

Since I married dh I have had more money than I ever dreamed I'd have - not great riches but far far more than I ever expected. I tend to think that because of my ''average'' back ground and my very down to earth approach to spending and money that I will always keep in mind how lucky I am but I have to admit that when I come back from staying with our closest friends who live in an utterly gorgeous very large 5 bedroomed house - I do look around our ( large 4 bedroomed house!) and think - 'huh it's a bit pokey' - and it takes me visiting a colleague who exists on about 1/4 of our income to shake me back into some sort of sensible frame of mind.
I'm rambling here - but all I'm trying to say is to agree that above a limited amount to pay the basic bills - how happy you are depends not on how much you have but on your perception of whether its a pittance or adequate ( subjective assessments indeed!)and on the relative 'lot' of those around you.

We also currently have to be careful with money. And I think part of the issue for me is that before we moved to our larger house and had DS we were very confortable and didn't have to think twice before buying something. So maybe its not just the people around you but also your previous lifestyle. On the positive side though I can no longer imagine what I did with myself before I had DS who totally makes our lives complete.

Pupuce - on the grocery front I am lucky in that DH does not have a massive appetite. And now that DS (aged 13 months) now shares our meals that has reduced the expense.