Help me to keep sane while I try to move house...please

[Daffy]

Please can you try to help me keep my sanity whilst I try to move house. Those of you that have gone through it recently will know what I'm going through at the moment. It's not a long chain about four couples involved, but things seem to be taking ages. My solicitor doesn't seem to ba able to get hold of all the paperwork that he needs in order to complete our purchase, our sale has already been done and just needs signing on the dotted line.
The people that we are trying to purchase from seem to be dragging their heels in everything that they have to do.
Does anybody have any tips on how to get things moving along and can anybody give me any tips on how to get through the next few weeks. We are already on week nine.
It's making me very frustrated, angry, upset and weepy.

You may think that this has little to do with parenting etc but that's where you're wrong, it's effecting me a great deal as a parent and a good mum, as it's turned me into a big bad tempered person that continually snaps at her children

Daffy
I know the feeling. I'm sorry to say this but it took us 4 months to buy a houseand there was no chain. The man we bought the house from kept dragging his feet as did his solicitor.

We're now attempting to move again but have just had the results of the survey for the house we want, it mentions damp & possible rot!! but gives no details so we now need a builders report.

I suppose this is why moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do. Last time I bought the house, started a new job and got married all in 6 months. This time as its not imperative that I move so I've gone for the laid back approach, if its ment to be it will all sort its self out in the end.

Hope all goes well soon.

I know you'd expect me to say this sort of thing (!) but if it makes you feel any better, why not make your solicitor's day by being their 'best' customer on an alternate day rota?! In my experience with solicitors (growwwwwllll!) they need a kick planted on their generous arses from time to time to let them know who is paying the bills. They will say anything to you over the phone, but if you go to their office and see them, with the threat of another visit in 24hours time then they sometimes - strangely enough - manage to get things done so much more swiftly than when they had you 'tame' on the end of the phone!! Oh and don't forget to give the kids some nice sticky lollies just before you go in! Cynical I am, cynical I remain!! Failing that, I suggest you find a very large park with a large tree and practice yelling at it, it is most therapeutic, get the kids to have a go too. Under railway bridges are terrific (a la cabaret)not to mention very windy days when you can shriek to your hearts content whilst flying a kite! Moving house is very very stressful, acknowledge this and expect hassle. Don't treat it like a battleground, because you'll come off worse, it took me ages to get over the last move about 7 years ago and I saw in the paper today my little box bungalow of 2 beds and a boxroom on the market for £180K with the addition of a conservatory - what bollux!!!

Tee hee! kids with nice sticky lollies, every parent's secret weapon

I moved house when 7.5 mths pregnant with dd and had weepy times. There was a small chain with a first timer buying my flat and the house we were buying being sold as a result of a death. Simple, but no, as my freeholder has disappeared from the face of the earth and was unable to supply answers of any sort - it went on and on and in the end the solicitors just sort of dropped it!! Then all systems go - I think it is the solicitors who make it so difficult - my buyer was brilliant when I eventually spoke to him direct with the help of the estate agent and basically told his solicitor that he believed me with regards to insurance/ground rent etc being paid and up to date. Have a scream and plot revenge of vast proportions but everything does seem to work itself out in the end some how.

We're moving house too - only on week 6 so far, but we're in a chain of 6 so I'll be amazed if it all goes through without a hitch. I'm very calm about it all so far (until I'm certain we're really going to move I'm not getting mentally too committed!) but dh is getting really stressed already, and unfortunately is tending to snap at me and the kids as a result (and as dd is a militantly independent 2yo you can guess who is winding him up most!).
Our solicitor got an environmental survey done on the new house, which gave a 'moderate to high risk of environmental pollution' - cue further panic from dh, until investigation showed that this was based on the fact that the house was near the petrol station and two graveyards (our village has two churches). As the people who are moving out have lived there for over 20 years and raised 3 perfectly healthy children in the house I'm not too worried about it.

I was 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby when we started looking at houses and nearly 6 months when we actually moved (3 weeks ago), during which time my husband started a new job and worked away during the week. At Christmas his mother became seriously ill and he had to travel 300 miles to be with her at the weekends and I didn't see him at all, then she died a couple of weeks before we moved. I think I understand exactly how you feel Daffy. Now that we've moved I feel absolutley drained and v lonely (no family/friends within 150 miles), also my husband is still grieving and needs all my support and I feel guilty when I get upset and need support from him

Anyway, re moving - my advice is call everyone involved, every day. Check again and again that they have done what they said they would - don't take anyone's word for it. In my experience solicitors only take action when they've had at least 2 letters and 2 phone calls asking them to, nothing is ever done procactively. Give your solicitor a hard time, make them work for their money. Good luck!

Having moved twice in 5months(1st time selling, 2nd time buying a property), I know only too well how frustrating and stressful it can be.
Try getting hold of the people at either side of your chain directly and see if they have any time constraints or may be only too happy to stall. If they have no problems with a quick move, get them to badger their solicitors directly. And tell your solicitor that you are in contact and will know if the "wool is being pulled".
If you can stand the added stress, threaten to pull out if things get too slow for you. Get your estate agents to come up with anything that doesnt have a chain, that still meets your requirements so that you have other options to follow. A sale could be pushed through in 4weeks (as in our first sale).
Having said all of that, 12weeks is about average, so dont expect miracles. Just know that it will be stressful, and thats only part of it. I found the moving worse, coping with 5.5months pregnancy and a 14month, trying to decorate, unpack, sort out etc etc, completely shattering. Take it easy on yourself and try to take a step back from it all occassonally.

A final option is to consider renting. We did to take the pressure off finding a house in a new area, allowing us to get to know it a bit first. Realised quickly that I didn't like it (the area) and started looking a little further a field. Consider though that the shortest, short term lease on a rented home is 6months, but then it took us all of that to find something we liked and to push through the sale. We still ended up paying for a month of rent and a month of mortgage, it felt pricey but then buying aint cheap anyway. The cost just disappeared in amongst all of the other costs.

GOOD LUCK!!

We had a chap round last night to give us a quote for moving and ds wondered around the house telling this poor guy what everything was. 'This is the sofa, you sit on it', 'this is my chair', 'this is my bedroom, there are books here, you can read them if you want', 'this is the garden and there's my bicycle, its got a fire engine on it'. Do I have a fledgling estate agent on my hands do you think?

I was a bit embarrassed, I wasn't expecting him to come round so early, so I still had bras and knickers spread out on the dryer!

Daffy, I know how you feel. We're about the same time span as you and I just wish I could fast forward a month. Our buyer is having a homebuyers report done on our house today and I have worked myself into a paddy over the weekend that the house will 'fail'! It shouldn't, its only 20 years old, but I've convinced myself the survey will show the floors are about to collapse, its got damp and the boiler's going kaput!

Keep smiling, you'll get there. Hassle your estate agent about the house you are buying, after all, they will be after their commission, so its in their best interests that the sale goes through as quickly as possible.

I'm helping my Dad to move from his flat of 37 years to a new house, today. His stress levels are stratospheric and consequently so are mine and my sister's! Does anyone else find that their life tends to be a series of fairly peaceful lulls punctuated by bursts of pure chaos? I can't believe all the stuff that's going on at the moment!

EmmaM - 2 days before our Homebuyers report survey I noticed a big brown stain on the kitchen ceiling where ds and dd had been pouring cups of water out of the bath in the bathroom above. Cue 2 frantic days of trying to paint out water stain in such a way that left no trace and didn't smell of fresh paint! Our buyers still seem to want to go ahead, so I guess we succeeded.

Scummymummy, you're right about chaos. We found out on Friday that we're likely to be moving in under 3 weeks, so have very little time to organize everything. The week we're moving we also have a nursery parents evening, and I have a 2 day business trip abroad (organized before we knew about the potential speed of the move) to pitch for an important new job. Yesterday I found out that I probably have to travel next week as well because my boss has had a family bereavement and can't go himself. Now all we need is for one of the children to fall ill so that they can't go to nursery... at least I'm not expecting a baby any day, like my friend was - she eventually gave birth to child no. 3 about 10 days after moving!

I rang the estate agent to find out if it seemed to go OK only to be told that the surveyor was still there - 2 hours later!! What can he possibly do for 2 hours in a tiny 2 bed terrace house?! And the estate agent left him alone, so I've also had this horrible idea that the surveyor has been through my knicker draw.

I can't stand not knowing what he's writing about our house!!! Did you feel like that Azzie? How are you keeping yourself sane? Sounds like you've got to plan things with military precision. Good luck.

EmmaM, what's keeping me sane so far is that dh is starting to get wound up about it all (very unlike him) so one of us has to keep things under control!

As to the surveyor, I often work at home - but I made damn sure I was working out of the house that day, I couldn't bear to be in the house while he was there.

What is worrying me is that, having spent a nightmare summer living with builders doing our extension a couple of years ago (the builders finished 2 weeks before dd arrived, and she was a week late...), dh announced last night that he is really looking forward to living in a house that 'we can do something to'. Hmmm.

just thought i'd let you know...moving in 2-4 weeks depending on progress made by other people in chain...could there be an end in sight??????

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Reading this again reminded me of when we were selling our house in London. Beloved had one corner of the dining room set up as a bar complete with optics and had just replenished stock since it was coming up to Christmas. The night before the people were due to come and look round, the whole lot fell off the wall! The dining room stank like a brewery, it was freezing because we had all the windows and doors open to clear the stench of spirits and whatever they thought about us, they bought the house anyway!

According to the estate agent the surveyor said everything was OK and what you'd expect from a house of that age. So, hopefully it will be OK. I'm reassured that other people's buyers seem happy to proceed whatever they are faced with, I'll just have to stop being paranoid! We got copies of the contracts through last night to sign, so I guess that means we can't be too far away from exchanging. Scary stuff, reading what you could be liable for if you don't complete on time blah blah blah. Is it pretty usual for people not to have a deposit until the sale of their own house goes through? I just don't have that sort of cash around to cover the 10% deposit on exchange. Our solicitor hasn't made a big thing of it, so I suppose its alright, and as they are acting for the people we are buying from too, then I'm sure it will get sorted.

DH wants to start clearing and packing this weekend! I can't get enthusiastic about until we exchange.

Aaaahhhh, I'm never moving again!!!

Glad to hear things are progressing well for you Daffy. Are you feeling happier now since your first posting?

EmmaM, we're waiting on the exchange of contracts which our solicitor tells us will be this week (please God let it be today!). Dh is like a cat on hot bricks about the exchange, all worked up with the suspense of 'is it really going to happen', and endlessly returning to the subject of what could go wrong to stop the exchange happening (for example, what degree of nearness of relative dying would stop someone from going ahead with their move? etc etc). He's also jumping every time the phone goes in case it's the solicitor to tell him it's all going ahead or all off (worse than when I was expecting either baby, it seems!). We had two removal men round yesterday to give quotes, even though we're still not entirely certain it's going to happen (if we exchange this week we'll be moving on the 12th April - gulp!). As to the deposit, our solicitor told us that they use the deposit from the person below to pay your deposit, or some such thing - certainly we've not been asked for any cash up front. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you on the exchange front!

Fingers crossed for you too! Actually, you've just reminded me, I need to ring my solicitor...the contract on the sale of our house has my husband down as an occupier and not joint owner!

Feeling much better now thanks for asking EmmaM. Going to the solicitors tomorrow and hopefully should get more news on a moving date. I suppose I'd better remember to take my cheque book with me!!

Should be next week!! So I guess I'll be too busy to scan through mums net for a while!!

Good news Daffy! How about you Azzie? We returned our contracts on Tuesday, so just waiting for exchange now. I think its still going to be a couple more weeks. I don't think I mind how long completion takes, I just want to exchange and I'll feel relieved. Its going to be a long month....

How are your kids about the move? My ds will be 3 at the weekend and I'm not sure what he's going to make about moving. Have your kids got upset about seeing things packed up? Let me know how you get on. Fingers crossed it all goes well for you.

EmmaM, don't ask! On the Thurs before Easter the solicitor said that everyone had agreed to move on the 12th, and to assume that it would happen. The following Tues (just after Easter) he said that the people at the bottom of the chain were using a conveyancing firm who were being slow and holding things up, and to not rely on the 12th. Dh finally got our estate agents on to it, who spoke to all the other agents in the chain (our solicitor only speaks to solicitors above and below us in the chain, apparently). The estate agent tells us that the person at the bottom of the chain lost their buyer but didn't tell anyone. They now (apparently) have a new buyer who has signed the contract but is still waiting for their mortgage offer to come through before we can all exchange and set a completion date. Is this finally the truth? Who knows? Dh is fuming because he gave up his Easter weekend with the family to pack things up ready for the 12th, the kids are unhappy because one of the things he packed up was their climbing frame and slide ...grrr. On top of all this, dh is off to Japan on business the week after next ... anyone like to take bets on which day that week will be the only one everyone else can agree on for the move?? (He'll really owe me big time if that happens ...)

My kids are 4.5 (ds) and 2.5 (dd). Dd doesn't really have a clue what's happening, but we're pretty sure that as long as ds is OK then she'll be OK. Ds has visited the new house, and seems quite excited about it all (one of his friends moved house just before Xmas, so the idea isn't new to him). We've promised him a bunk bed for his new room, which he's very much looking forward to (he has informed dd in no uncertain terms that she is far too young to sleep on the top bunk, and will have to go on the bottom one), and we've discussed the decor for his new room - he wants planets and the space shuttle on one side, and clouds, a rainbow and Concorde on the other side (should keep Mummy occupied for a while!).

So for now we sit and wait with our fingers firmly crossed.