moving house

[green]

we are moving house in 4 weeks time to a completely different area of london. Thus this will be a big change for our ds who is nearly 2. It will involve changing childminder also (2 days a week only). Just wondering if anyone has some top tips on making the transition as smooth as possible.

Try to change one thing at a time.
We only moved about half a mile so childcare wasn't an issue, but we underestimated how much the move would impact on our 2 year old. Things like, new bed in new room in new house! She seemed genuinely excited about the prospect and settled into some things well, but in general her behaviour took a major downturn, she would refuse to get undressed at bedtime or dressed in the morning. When we came out the other side we could see that she was desperately controlling about the only thing she could. So my advice is to give them alot of adjustment time and involve them in as many decisions as possible. Also how about letting them pack one box for themself and then unpack it in new location and decide where all the contents will go, kind of 'nestbuilding'. Good luck.

Green, when we moved, we made a point of getting our son's bedroom sorted out first. He was five at the time, so difficult to compare with a toddler, but I do know he really appreciated this. We wanted him to know we were still thinking about him, despite being very busy.

I've just been through it and out the other side.
Tigermoth1's point worked a treat in our case.
ds was 14months old at the time and we spent the first w/e decorating his room, making it as familiar as possible. (mil babysat for him in the rented house so that we could get on with it)
Once we were in, we just let him play and run around exactly where he wanted to.
We took him up to bed 1hour early so that he could play with all of his toys and favourite bits and properly familiarise himself and he settled beautifully. Much, much better than our earlier move when ds was 10 months old, into rented accom, which we couldn't decorate.
He's been fine with it ever since, although did look a little confused when I went in to wake him up on his first morning. But once he'd sat eyes on his mobiles/toys/books etc he was quite happy.
He's a GF baby incidentily, and getting the blackout effect in the room, especially for day time naps) was a big help. Couldn't do that in the rented place as easily, and he generally slept less well while we were there. HTH! Good luck.

Hi everyone. I've been on the boards before, but out of action for a while - because, of course, I've been moving house! Wish I'd checked the boards before I moved - lots of helpful advice here, of course. (Yes, I should have known)Anyway, I'd be very grateful for some more info from all experienced movers and shakers - specifically, how long did it take your little ones to settle down after a move?
My dd, three next month, is still very unhappy and we moved two months ago. We had to move quite suddenly, and went into rented accommodation while we sell the old place, so we'll have to go through the whole ghastly thing again in a year or so. My ds, aged 5, has coped quite well, though he's the sensitive, imaginative one whom I thought would be thoroughly unhappy. Ds has always been a contented, routine little thing, happy so long as she's attached to my left leg at all hours of the day, so I cheerily thought, 'well, so long as I'm with her, she'll be fine ...' Ooooh, no! The night before we moved, she stayed up till 11pm, a pattern which has continued. She's also ditched her daytime nap, consequently is exhausted. (She fell asleep under the dining room table today, under the wardrobe once before. It's like having a kitten.) She doesn't eat properly and her tantrums have to be seen to be believed. Only tonight, when my ds started a discussion about the old house, she announced firmly and sadly that she 'wanted to stay in the old house'. She seems very concerned about 'being lost' (herself? Her toys? not sure)
HELP. Any suggestions? How long do they take to settle down? How can I help her? Over summer, it's hard to establish a routine of school or nursery (she hasn't started yet) and also harder to meet people. I tried the toddler group but could only make two sessions and she has to leave aged three anyway. My new health visitor is great (visiting again tomorrow) but the new neighbours seem none too friendly. However, since all they must hear is the sound of endless screaming, I'm not altogether surprised. We must sound like the family from hell.

Hi everyone. I've been on the boards before, but out of action for a while - because, of course, I've been moving house! Wish I'd checked the boards before I moved - lots of helpful advice here, of course. (Yes, I should have known)Anyway, I'd be very grateful for some more info from all experienced movers and shakers - specifically, how long did it take your little ones to settle down after a move?
My dd, three next month, is still very unhappy and we moved two months ago. We had to move quite suddenly, and went into rented accommodation while we sell the old place, so we'll have to go through the whole ghastly thing again in a year or so. My ds, aged 5, has coped quite well, though he's the sensitive, imaginative one whom I thought would be thoroughly unhappy. Ds has always been a contented, routine little thing, happy so long as she's attached to my left leg at all hours of the day, so I cheerily thought, 'well, so long as I'm with her, she'll be fine ...' Ooooh, no! The night before we moved, she stayed up till 11pm, a pattern which has continued. She's also ditched her daytime nap, consequently is exhausted. (She fell asleep under the dining room table today, under the wardrobe once before. It's like having a kitten.) She doesn't eat properly and her tantrums have to be seen to be believed. Only tonight, when my ds started a discussion about the old house, she announced firmly and sadly that she 'wanted to stay in the old house'. She seems very concerned about 'being lost' (herself? Her toys? not sure)
HELP. Any suggestions? How long do they take to settle down? How can I help her? Over summer, it's hard to establish a routine of school or nursery (she hasn't started yet) and also harder to meet people. I tried the toddler group but could only make two sessions and she has to leave aged three anyway. My new health visitor is great (visiting again tomorrow) but the new neighbours seem none too friendly. However, since all they must hear is the sound of endless screaming, I'm not altogether surprised. We must sound like the family from hell.

Inkpen - this is v interesting. We're moving in 2 weeks' time, and a friend warned me to expect more trouble from my little one (3) than from my eldest (just 5). So far the little one has had all the questions - "Are we taking my trainset with us", "Can we come back here to playgroup", and "We'll need a big crane to lift the house over the hedge"! He seems to have taken a while to grasp the concept of moving (250 miles). Hopefully the eldest has understood it well too, and is not just bottling it all up.

Anyway, obviously you're not through it yet, but have you any tips to share that worked for you, or that in retrospect you think might have helped?

KMG, you have a wise friend! All the good tips are on the various 'moving house' threads here. I think the only thing I could add is to talk very clearly with the little one - in retrospect I think I underestimated my dd's understanding and how much more specifically I should have been telling her things. I suppose I was trying to protect her - I assumed she wouldn't understand and she was also listening in on conversations I had with ds. I should have dealt with her more on her own, I think. Also we moved quite suddenly - you obviously have more chance to build up to it - and I couldn't tell them much until I was sure it was going through which was literally at a week's notice.
We moved only forty minutes or so from our previous house - today we went back to visit a friend and afterwards went down to the local shops. My dd was clearly just thrilled to be there - wow, it's my supermarket, and there's that lovely shop where they sell cheese straws - this was her (unspoken) reaction! She was even happy to see the multi storey carpark (!)purely because it was familiar and she has been lost without a compass since we moved. I'm not sure if taking her back was a good move or not!
I'd also say that if your dd goes to playgroup etc. you're in a better position. My dd didn't so her whole world revolved around our house and activities there. Good luck! Let me know how it goes when you have time.

Sorry - meant to say ds, not dd!

Batters, can't remember where you live, but my brother has just sold his house (in Sydenham, SE London) without involving estate agents. I think it cost him in the region of £300, whereas with an estate agent, the minimum it would have cost him was £2,500. So it was definately worth it. He did it through the internet and an ad in the Evening Standard. Can't remember all the details, but let me know if you need to know more - he's very evangelical about it, so I'm sure would be happy to share tips.

I'll email him now, and hopefully will get back to you tomorrow with handy hints. I had a feeling you were in London - I think it's much more likely to be a success there. Where I live, people think you're quite exotic if you even have a PC in your house, let alone have access to the internet. And as for selling your house that way......
Should get back to you tomorrow - although with the week I've got ahead, I may be in bed by 7pm!

Batters, as promised, I asked my brother for his advice, and here it is, cut and pasted from his reply....
"keep in mind that all an estate agent does is show people round your house (usually badly) and take your money. Other than that, they make the odd phone call and that's it. She just needs to get herself a solicitor and keep on top of what he/she is doing. I found easier2move.co.uk was a very good service - plus they were cheap as well. There's no mystery to it - just keep on phoning all people involved to ensure they are doing what they say they are doing."
I've just had a look at the website and it's actually a conveyancing site. I've emailed him again asking for details of the site he used who provided him with his "For Sale" sign, took photos and posted them on a site etc....
I'll get there eventually!

Here is the result of me questioning him further...
"Oh - when you said she was buying a house from a friend, then I forgot about her selling her house as well.
I used a very good service called 'PropertyBroker.com'. They come and take photos of your house, put up a board and publish the details on various websites (including ThisIsLondon (Evening Standard's web site) and assertahome). This all costs 97 pounds. You can also have them put a picture in the Evening Standard or Mail on Sunday for an additional 80 pounds. I found that the majority of people came through from the board outside the house in the early stages, then from the websites later on. The picture in the Evening Standard didn't generate very much interest at all! The good thing is that because they put lots of photos of the house on the propertybroker website, then there is a link from the other sites to it and people can get a really good idea of the place before viewing. This means that by the time they come to see the house, they are genuinely interested. I would highly recommend it. I would also advise the woman to really put some effort into cleaning the house from top to bottom, fixing anything that is broken and making the place completely clutter free - you know the usual 'staging' advice."
There, I knew he had some uses
HTH

We moved 2 weeks ago. The boys (3 and 5) stayed with my parents and arrived 1 week ago. They have adapted amazingly, and seem very contented, (except getting up very early ... what's new?) But I feel desperately sad all the time. I'm trying to keep myself busy - there's plenty to do. But I burst into tears several times a day thinking of the friends I've left behind, and all the familiar things. Any little thing will set me off, if I see something to remind me of the old place. I can't bear to think of phoning old friends, as I know I'll just cry the whole time. But I don't know anyone here yet.

Batters, just wondering if you'd made any progress on becoming your own estate agent?

KMG - any more settled yet? how are things ?

Oh well, you're probably just saving yourself a lot of stress!
Having just had 2 siblings move house (brother on my side, sister on dh's), I'm so glad we found a house that will accommodate us for many years to come. (And I'm so glad we live in South-East Wales, and not South-East London, or we'd all be living in a tent )

MABS - I do feel better than when I posted here, but still quite a struggle. boys have settled well, and are enjoying school/nursery, though very tired. ds1 had a fracas at school yesterday, I got phoned by the school secretary, ds1 got 'talked to' by the head, then she phoned me - all in the morning. I cried most of the day, and was very worried, and had no-one to talk to.

I got to chat with his teacher at length after school, and school are being fantastic - I'm very impressed with the way they dealt with the incident ... He lost his temper and tried to hit his teacher, and took a long time to calm down. It's not as bad as it sounds, just as a new boy they came down heavy on him, to make an impression so that hopefully it won't happen again

But it was just a reminder of how isolated I feel here at the moment.

Just releasing stress here ladies. We put our house on the market this week and are already totally phased by the 'having to keep it tidy' thing....

To make it worse, we did exactly what we vowed we wouldn't and found our dream house - before getting an offer on ours. Do people really live through the whole moving house thing? The last time we did it was pre kids and it was awful, we lost 6 buyers and finally moved after 7 months. Positive experiences gratefully received

Where are you moving to Mabs?

we're 'trying' to go to Upper Beeding or Steyning. Found a lovely house in Upper Beeding but, realistically , we may lose it .

Thought I'd let off my stesss on this topic too as it is 'active' again. I found a lovely new apartment in September 2001, put registratuon fee down, paid 10% deposit in January 2202 and was expected to move in August 2002, when DD would have been 3-4 months old. We are now in May 2003 and we are still not in. Apparantly we are NEXT! But when that will be we have no idea. DD is now a walking, talking(ish) toddler who is desperate for a room of her own. We could get our 10 days notice letter anytime but when??? We are getting so fed up now and the excitement had completely gone. NEVER buy something off paper plans - wait 'till somwthing is there to actually see!