Depressing thread about why I can't do nursing training and asking for your help with suugestions for my other options, please. (pretty long)

[NomDePlume]

Over the last few days I 've had to admit to myself that doing the nursing degree, for me, is just not feasible [frustrated emoticon].

It's not that I'm worried about being able to cope academically etc, but the fact is that my DH is very often out of the country at least one/two nights a week, and we have no family nearby to help with those (inevitable) times where my shift pattern and DH's overnight stays will overlap. Obviously once I have qualified then I could shop around for a position where there are no night shifts etc, but in the meantime I have to take what placements I'm offered (by the Uni). I've got a place on the access course and I'm due to start it in September, but already I've had to re-arrange my appointment to attend the presentation evening due to DH's work schedule. In fact, he has had to juggle his schedule in order to accomodate this latest re-arrangement because I told him that I really couldn't ring them again to cancel and re-arrange.

DH's job is not all that flexible, he is the Director of his department and therefore it is not possible to delegate his responsibilities for 99.9% of his overnight doo-dahs. The fact is that his salary pays our (hefty) mortgage and puts food on our table therefore we have to dance to the corporate tune (most of the time).

I'd love to bring out my bra-burning side where my 'right' to a career is concerned, but the facts are that I have to compromise for the family as a whole. As parents, we all do to some extent.

I still want to retrain but the fact is I cannot do shift work (unless we got an au-pair - which isn't an option). I have to resign myself to the fact that I need to do a job that fits in with the 9-5 side of things, but a job that pays reasonably well and that I will enjoy going to every morning. Figuring out what that is, is incredibly difficult. All I have ever wanted to do is work in the NHS, but the problem is that the majority of the hands-on professional jobs within it are shift-based.

I don't know what people can suggest really. I just need to rant, tbh. Thanks for reading if you've got this far !

NomDePlume. They uni I am with have been fantastically helpful. There is flexibility with placements and often the placements will be flexible with hours too. There are community placements, day hosptials, day clinics etc. You could perhaps alter your shift around dp too.

Honestly, I have felt like you are whilst doing my training, and still did at times on final hurdle tho. Am on last pacement and exams looming on monday.

The uni are understadning to family commitments and get irritated more by the 'youngsters' who have no ongoing commtments other than the course and still dont make hours etc.

IT will be ok, dont give up xx

lexiemum - i am MH and at the mo it is only higher grade in the community, but have been assured this is most deff changing as care moving into comm alot more and encouraging a diversity of skills.

I am applying for posts were i will be able to do earlys so that other half can drop ds off to breakfast club and i will be back for end of school, some trusts do term time hours too.

edam - u are right about certian number of night shifts - but if you get them out of the way (longer shift so over quicker) is a complete wieght off and once done they are done as you said :)

NdP, don't give up hope completely. We (student midwives) do have to work some nights but they are restricted - e.g. 1 week in the second year. Obviously they like you to have some experience of 24-hour-care but I'd be very surprised if you were expected to do them regularly, with no flexibility.

The same goes for the other shifts - there is flexibility. We have to complete x-number of clinical hours a year and, within reason, it is up to you how you arrange them. Obviously some departments are more flexible than others, but it can be done. e.g. we have several single mothers with no family near on our course, and they have managed so far (don't know how much fun it's been for them, but they're still there and still smiling )

If this is really what you want to do, don't give up. I think there is a student nurse forum which might be worth checking out - get the lowdown from those who are going through it! Universities know that many of their students have family commitments and they can be a good source of support and understanding, honest!

I'm doing an access course in the vain hope that I get good enough grades to get on the Speech and Language Therapy degree course at our local university.
Speech Therapy is also an NHS bursery funded degree course

Social Work would give you similar client groups and professional status to nursing, ndp. Obviously you wouldn't be beloved by the public in the same way though! Think it would be worth investigating- I've found my course pretty flexible in terma of managing child care. It's pretty much 9-5 too. There can be out of hours stuff but usually only if you sign up for it specifically.

Well, I've got my presentation/welcome evening with the college on Tuesday night, so I could prob discuss the likelihood of odd shift patterns with the tutors.

Thanks for all your suggestions, I literally poured all this out onto MN and went to bed. Thanks for reading and sticking with me so far !

I actually have a place on a Radiography course (deferred from last year as a result of childcare problems), but the course is 33 miles away, up the M5/M42 which will be hellishly busy at both ends of the college day. Then the Uni course is 34 miles away from home, making it a 70 mile round trip every day ^^

Goosey - Thanks for the info . I'm sure there a number of overnight registered childminders in my area, but I have 3 children (14, 12 & 3.5) and so it wouldn't be practical to do overnight stays. Also, I'd rather they were looked after in their own home, IYSWIM. Shipping them out to carers, no matter how lovely, would be quite a disruption.

ChristinaTheAstonishing - DH finding another job is absolutely not an option, not least because it would mean selling our house as a lower salary would not support the mortgage. DH loves his job and the truth is that for what he is paid, family life does not really suffer. Yes we miss him on the nights when he isn't here, and things are a little more fraught, but when he isn't on overnight stays (once/twice a week on average) he is home at 6pm, doesn't work weekends, and is very hands on with the children.

Mancmum - an au-pair is not an option as we cannot afford to pay one, basically.

Thanks too, scummy & spagblog - your posts appeared whilst I was mulling over my own

Scummy, I used to work for my local Social Services Dept (adults with LD), and had a lot of contact with SW's. Their roles, on the whole, appeared to be mainly advocacy-based. Also, in general, they are not as hated as the ones who work for the YOT, or child protection....

I have also had to give up on my ambition of being a nurse, I had a car crash during my training and have a slipped disc so standing/sitting for long periods is painful for me and I would have been unemployable even if I had completed the training.

It is really hard to have to say goodbye to something you have your heart set on :( That being said, you might be able to revisit this when your kids are a little bit older and more independant, maybe?

I am thinking I might go back to doing head injury support work when mine are at school. Otherwise I am thinking of training to be a classroom assistant or nursery nurse, it is a long way off for me so I haven't made my mind up yet.

Hope you find something you will love equally as much, good luck :)

Just checked out the SALT degree and it is a means tested bursary, which means I wouldn't be eligible for financial aid.

WCL am sure you've been into this, but just in case, would a microdiscectomy not help your back? My sister's doing nurse training after having a prolapsed disc and microdiscectomy. Just a thought...

If you would prefer your children to be cared for in their own home how about a local babysitter? My dd (18) often works as my assistant and also often babysits for local families including staying over if necessary. She has loads of really lovely, intelligent, sensible 6th form friends who all need funds for driving lessons etc, and who I know would be great babysitters. A letter to the head of your local sixth form might throw up some good candidates.

That is a good idea, goosey. I have reservations about employing an 18 year old to keep my own teenagers in line though ! I really need to do a hell of a lot more research into the practicalities of the courses I'm truly interested in. I thought I'd done loads already, but apparently not.... Ho HUM.

Nursing is not an easy job you require the peace of mind to communicate politely with patients if you wont have the that peace of mind you be able to entertain the patients in a gentle manner so it is good for someone like this to quit nursing for some time. Many of the students who took nursing admission in Raiwind a city of Pakistan, faces the same problem so it is suggested to take a little break instead of putting your mental health at risk as well as others.

Your dh is a company director yet can't (won't?) Pay for an au pair? Which would solve 100% of your problem?

Oh god zombie thread