How much should I ask for?? - want realistic amount girls.

[Twinkie]

I have decided that I am going to either send the form off to the CSA without telling x2b or first tell him and see if he wants to be amicable and do it without contacting them (this I am afraid won't happen though - well I am pretty sure)

What I want to know is how much do you think is reasonable to ask for if we are going to do it amicably - I was thinking of about £60 - £70 per week - do you think this is too much?? He earns quite a lot of money - I would say about £50k a year and has DD every other weekend and half the holidays.

Also do I tell him I want extra for school uniform etc (she will be starting in Sept of this year) and other things that may come up - school trips and stuff and does he have to pay me for the weeks that he has her??

I am being pretty disillusioned thinking that he will hand anything over willingly - he will want to look like a great amicable parent but him having to give me money will cut him to the core - but I want to be able to say that I did not just send off the form tot he CSA but discussed it properly with him before going down this route.

Twinkie I agree with jmg. He wants to sort this out between you because he thinks that will be cheaper. Pass it all over to your solicitor - you are perfectly justified morally and legally to do this through the courts - it doesn't mean it has to get nasty but it does mean it will be fair.

I get £30!!!

I'd just like to add that as children get older, they cost more to maintain, what with pocket money, higher food bills, school uniform, equipment and trips, shoes and clothes cost more, birthday parties cost more, treats get more expensive, they want things little ones don't think about, and they just take up more space so you need a bigger house, bigger car, bigger accommodation on holidays, etc etc.

Not to mention funding any further education they may want to undergo later.

Because of dds I need a 4 bedroomed house, not a 2 bedroomed, and similar accommodation on holiday.

Also you must consider the cost to your earning opportunity since you are the primary carer, you will end up paying for childcare or being limited in your own work and should be compensated for that.

Dont want to butt in on your conversation, but i have a 12yr,me and his dad split up when he was 1, we decided to keep an amicable arrangement when it came to maintanance,we settled on £25 a week, i got that for about a year, then he met someone else, got married, had 2 more kids, and shes got 2 from before. I havnt had a penny since. But he still sees him. I dont have it my heart to csa him, cos he doesnt earn a lot, and he has 4 kids to feed. But i wish i had done it all the legal way to start off with and got it wrote down on paper, cos i feel its too late now.
Hope you dont mind me adding my bit xx

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My exdp is on about 18k and I only get £30 a week - Im being very underpaid arent I!!!???

Sorry to hijack twinkie

Yes Becca, my dad was (in theory) paying £25 a week each for my and my sister in the 80s and my mother thought that was far too little at the time (and I agree).

The csa site is very clear on approximately how much needs to be paid. It is 15% of NET income (regardless of whether the income is salary or commission). If he is earning 50k he is paying approx. 23% tax. This means that his net weekly income is approx £725 and your 15% is about 110 a week. I believe that this is meant to also cover school uniforms/trips etc. If he has your dd for at least 52 nights a year (ie every other weekend) then this amount is reduced by 1/7 (it can be reduced more if he has her lots more), bringing it down to £93. If he has more children of his own, this amount will be reduced. The CSA will request his tax returns for the last 2 years and bank details so he will not be able to cheat them unless he has a lot of cash income. And even then, they are pretty thorough.
DO NOT have him put money in an account for dd instead of maintenance...you will need the money to raise your dd and despite your best efforts, she may not turn out to be responsible with money and you may not want her to have access to a large sum of money at 16.
Although the CSA is a pretty distasteful organization, you really should make sure that the maintenance is formal. You can do this through the court as part of the divorce instead of the CSA. You just want to make sure that it isn't easy for him to not pay or to change the deal.
What does he mean by giving you half the equity in the house? Maybe you mentioned this before, but is he selling the house? You do not want to be in a position where you don't get your half until he gets around to selling the house (in 10 years time). Make sure that if the house is going to be sold the deadline is part of the divorce, or if he is just going to give you money that it is done as part of the divorce. AND check the tax implications of doing it this way (it's his primary residence, but not yours, so may not be tax free).
And to sum it all up, get what is due you, but please, please please, no matter how scummy he is ( and I realize that he is really the bottom of the bottom), DO NOT use your dd as a weapon to get more out of him even if you really are due it.