How do I tell a new-ish friend that I don't need to see her every day?

[Janus]

I met a nice lady a few months ago at a local class. The classes did however stop as the teacher left but we started meeting up every now and then for a walk/coffee etc. However, she now attends every class I do (3 a week) and expects us to go and do something afterwards too like going to eachothers house for lunch and the afternoon. She now wants to join a new class I am joining and I just don't know how to tell her to leave me something I can do on my own! I am notoriously soft and cannot just say 'sorry, I want to do this on my own' so for now am putting the class on hold until I can come up with a decent excuse! In the meantime I have now agreed to meet up with her again this week, not one of our classes, and feel I'm seeing her every day for hours each day and I just don't want to. I like doing new things and don't need to drag other friends along and am also quite happy going for a nice long walk with my daughter on my own but she has started asking when I go for walks, which parks and playgrounds I use as she would like to come - agghhhh!
The thing is she just says half way through a class 'what are we doing today then' which throws me as she obviously expects us to be doing something when sometimes I just want to go home.
How can I put her off without hurting her feelings?

oh, and always leave the ball in their court to arrange the next meeting, if they don't do it, the message is clear!

I had a similar problem when my DS1 was a baby. We were fairly new to the area and I got friendly with a girl slightly younger than me who had a DS about a year older than my DS1. I feel really guilty about her when I look back, she was a single mum, had just recently split up from her husband who had been physically abusive to her, she used to visit my house every Tuesday as that was the day she collected her benefits and did a bit of shopping. At first I thought it was really nice that she called but I didn't realise what a regular thing it was going to be (she never ever said 'I will visit every Tuesday' or I would have said something about it at the time), she would arrive about lunch time and sometimes didn't leave until my DH came home at 6pm. All she would do was talk about her DS and it didn't matter what my DS1 did her DS had done it too or done it better. I lived in a flat with a security entrance and I am very ashamed to admit that when the buzzer went on a Tuesday I began not to answer or arranged to be out for most of Tuesday. She gave up after a while but found a new man at about the same time. I do feel bad when I think about her but then she did come to visit again after my DS2 was born and it brought back all the memories of first time. Can I just say in my defence that I always felt on the brink of something (PND?, HV said stress) when DS1 was little, plus my DH was suffering from depression, and didn't really feel strong enough to 'be there' for someone else.

Can I just add one more thing, she doesn't visit anymore and that was never my intention either, I am not proud of the way I went about things I just at the time couldn't see any other way round it.

It is really hard when you move to another area ... I moved to New Zealand 18 months ago and I found myself 'stalking' a little bit although I never pitched up at someone's house uninvited and assumed that would be ok every week! ... I found that the best way to avoid being seen as a 'stalker' was to spread myself around, as it were. I went out of my way to go to as many playgroups, playgrounds, tumbletots, swimming lessons etc as I could so that I could meet lots of people. I 'reinvented' myself and became a chatty 'would talk to anyone in the street' type person (used to be quite shy!) in order to meet people.
I have found in the last few months that one new friend that I thought would be a good one has stopped calling me and returning my calls so I have not let it bother me and have got on with trying to develop my other friendships. I was really hurt when I went round to her new house with a bunch of flowers when she moved (I rang first to check it was ok) and was made to feel really unwelcome ... I cried all the way home and decided then that I wasn't going to let it get to me ....
It is so hard to be a 'newcomer' and get into an established circle ... and some people find it harder than others to make friends. So give these women a bit of a break and be gentle with them ... be honest and tell them that you are busy on that day or that a weekly arrangement is not convenient but do make other arrangements to see them another time ... they might be really lonely and really need the company.
PS ... I am no longer a stalker BTW (except on Mumsnet!) ... I now have to put others off as the week isn't long enough to fit everyithing in!!!!

Message withdrawn

Bk if a newish friend said to me that they wanted to see me again but would totally understand if I was too busy/etc I would probably assume that they didn't really want to see me again and were making their excuses. So I wouldn't get in touch. I tend to be very wary of "stalking" people as I hate being pressurised into doing things I don't want to do. I have recently been seeing "too much" (for me, as she is very demanding and unrelaxing person) of a fairly long-term friend mother/child combo and did start feeling incredibly irritated around her. It would have been better if I'd simply refused some of her invitations but I'm not very good at saying no.

why, cam? imo, if i didn't want to see someone again, i just wouldn't mention seeing them again at all... different strokes, eh? no wonder this gets so fraught!

slightly different situation but I also had a stalker; someone who worked in the same building as me but different job and quite a lot older. She had a grown up son, I didnt have any children yet ! one of her colleagues died and I commiserrated with her and we became 'friends ' of sorts although I found her irritating and we had absolutely nothing incommon at all. Eventually she was calling me every day and leaving messages, I felt hounded. So I actually told her eventually that I did not want ther to call any more as ringing someone every single day was too much and I felt harrassed. It must have sounded awful but I know I did the right thing and was as kind as I could be in the circumstances. Now a few years on we are back intouch in a much better way - we meet up occasionally and it is more 'normal'. And she is a very nice person indeed - she just needed to know she was a bit OTT .

I know you're right Bk that would be the best way. It's bizarre that in some ways dealing with gf's is far harder than dealing with boyfriends (if my memory serves me correctly, obviously don't have any boyfriends anymore, sigh)