Parking- a new am I being unreasonable thread

[MPV]

OK, changed name to prevent embarrasment. I work in a office with a small car park. Spaces are allocated on a rota so you get to park one month in 6.

Last time I had a space it was under the building. You park 3 in a line between pillars with the first in at the back, so when they want to go you have 2 people moving their cars. I managed to scrape my MPV down one of these pillars on my last day parking (my own fault- I forgot I'd gone in on a different angle) & did £300 damage to my car.

I now have a new MPV which is a lot bigger than the last one & doesn't fit lengthwise or width in a space. My new space starts on Monday & I went to the people who do the rota who kindly allocated one outdoors on an end to give the extra width.

Late Friday someone came to me with the rota in their hand to say that my space would be ideal for a girl who is pregnant & would I swap for a space under the building!! She is very far gone & having trouble with her hip.. I felt like the biggest cad out, but I said no, explaining that my car was too big to fit under the building.

He went away to ask someone else, but in my head I can hear my mothers voice telling me I'm being selfish & thoughtless, while the other part of my brain says if she's having that much trouble moving around she should have started her Maternity leave (she's got less than 2 months to go till the baby comes).

He came back to say the person behind me has swapped & could I park in their space so she can be in front. (Apparently she COULD still get in behind if I didn't). This will mean reversing up to motorbikes & manouvering around her car when I leave. It's reversing I have most trouble with & it's worrying me sick but I felt so mean I said I would. DH says I should have said no or they'll keep expecting me to compromise. I'm usually really scathing of these girlies who can't reverse or park so I feel really stupid that I can't... Difficult to judge how close you are in a big MPV...

OK, am I being unreasonable?

I understand your concerns but chances are that this woman won't be around the next time parking is an issue so I think you should just let it go for now - presumably we are only talking about 20 days-ish. If she is anything like I was towards the end of my first pregnancy I got stressed far more readily than normal and would have been so grateful if anyone had made things like parking and travelling easier (I commuted until 8 months gone an hour and a half into Central London). If you are worried about getting out of the space to get home could you ask her if she could move her car then, assuming she hasn't already left for the day anyway. My friend had an MPV with parking guide which beeped as the rear got near an obstacle or paked car - perhaps that is soemthing worth looking into if you find it difficult to park.

Well I think having 4 kids is a pretty good reason to drive a big car- but I still hate it when people can't park it! I think reallyt you do need to either practice until you can or buy a smaller bigger car (totally impractical I know but still).

I really really don't like the fire hazard comment though. That's what places say to disabled people when they can't be bothered to accomocdate them. Think these days its contravening the disability discrimination act in general though, so I would presume calling a pregnant woman a fire hazard is contravening the sex discrimination act.

See if you can sort it out with the woman directly. if not either change your car or accept that you're not going to be able to use your parking space.

OK I didn't phrase that very well but I was a bit pi$$ed off at the personal attacks! What I meant was we are on the 8th floor of the building. If there was a fire, someone would have to get her down 16 flights of stairs. My friend started her maternity leave when she couldn't walk up one flight.

The rota came out on Monday. It was 1 hour before I left on Friday afternoon before this was said. Perhaps if she had spoken to me herself on Monday I'd have been a little more charitable? The bloke trying to sort it out is nothing to do with the car park, or the rota.. no idea why he's got involved. There was nothing to stop her from speaking to the rota people before it was written, same as I did, not expecting everyone else to shift around at the last minute.

I've noticed how often these sorts of threads turn into personal attacks on the person starting them. I'll have to make a point of avoiding them in future. Perhaps the nastier among you will get someone kicking you when you are worried or upset about something. (& I take it you all are model drivers...)

But if you end a thread with "am I being unreasonable" then you have to expect some people to say "yes" and to explain why they think so.

I don't think you should persue the "fire hazard" part. It's a bit offensive to diasbled people whether they be permanently disabled or temporarily through pregnancy. They have the right to work whether they can manage stairs or not (and IIRC in the case of a fire they would actually be escorted in a lift by a designated fire marshal)

MPV- you asked if you were being unreasonable and some people thought you were. The whole thing sounds very complicated, but if someone asked you to go on maternity leave earlier than you had planned because they couldn't park their car- how would you feel? And I know you didn't say that to her- but that's what you have said on here. And the fire hazard remark was to close to home for some people on here, so they saw red. For many people that remark will have been way below the belt (sorry but some people are sensitive about that sort of thing).

Amyway hope you manage to sort it out so that you can both park in a suitable space.

MPV - I would say as you've already agreed to this on Friday I think it would cause more trouble than its worth to change your mind and refuse now. At the end of the day for potentially a few weeks of hassle with parking manoevours on your part, I personally would let it lie.

soupy beat me to it. Great minds eh?

Lifts tend to shut down when there's a fire, though, Soupie - in case the fire would cause the lift to malfunction, eg stop between floors, or plummet - in which case this pregnant person would have to be carried down by somebody (or somebodies). I do understand the objections to the description, but it is a valid point.

MPV, I think the fact that you changed your name in the first place shows that you fully expected to "get a kicking" for this and that secretly you know it is unreasonable.

You should use the park and ride and give up your space.

Well, if it helps, I'm rubbish at parking and I have a dinky little Fiesta. I have to go out of my way to park sometimes, but the only person it inconviences is me (and the kids get a little more walking which is good for us all). I don't think you can expect someone else to change their plans ie regarding Mat leave, because you have trouble parking. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but you did ask

sorry posted that before i had finished

meant to end with

...if you can't park in this space that you've been given.

But there's a rota, CD - this is her one month in 6 - if she gives it up now, partway through the month, she won't get another until June!

Goodness, what an agitating thread.

So what? With 4 children she should appreciate that you need concessions when you are in the latter stages of pregnancy esp if you have hip problems.

If it is quite manageable 5 months out of 6 then why not give it up just this once to help someone out. Or practice driving the MPV so that parking and reversing are easy (though quite honestly if you can't reverse your car safely you shouldn't be on the road).

at the end of it - you could be gracious and help out a fellow woman who is pregnant and probably doing it tough for reasons that you know nothing about........ what would it cost to give up the parking space in real terms.....

fire hazard remark is just totally uncalled for - has nothing to do with the situation and if I worked with your husband and he had said that to me - well it would not have been pretty - I worked up until 10 days before my dd was born - to get to my classroom I had to walk up two flights of stairs - to the toilet, staff room or anything like that - down two flights and up another two flights - Fire hazard - I was responsible for making sure my floor was clear before exiting the building myself.

I am glad my colleagues were a lot more understanding - I had to have a a fair bit of time off for a variety of specialist appointment and scans and the others did not begrudge having to take extra classes and such so that I could attend.... I really appreciated that and let them know.

Imagine how much that woman will appreciate your graciousness in letting her park and get to the office with ease - she may not say it but you will know.

I'm afraid that I think you answered your own question when you explained that for 83% of the time you don't have a parking space anyway! That's what park and rides are for.

Sorry if I'm being a bit uncharitable but it infuriates me how the UK has turned into a car-centric nation. Something I only appreciated when I moved to Denmark.

Over here, your large MPV would have cost you close to £60,000 plus £500 p.a in environment tax. No wonder we think hard about our personal transport options, all have bicycles and there is no 'school run'. Children take themselves to school on the bus or walk or cycle from the age of seven.

Anyone parking a large MPV at work having arrived solo would be regarded as a lottery winner who probably didn't need to be working anyway!

In general, I'm always amazed that people think that they can do things without taking any tuition. That applies equally to playing golf, going horseriding or swimming the channel as it does to parking large vehicles. Like most of us, you probably learned to drive in a Mini Metro at a time when there was no parking element to the driving test. Why not take some more lessons from an advanced motoring school? Driving large vehicles has all sorts of hidden considerations compared to a small car.

Guess you realise that I think you are being unreasonable. Sorry.

When I was 7 mths pregnant my job relocated to a skyscraper in docklands. Just before I went on mat leave we had our 1st fire drill and although told we could not use the main lifts any persons with disabilities were allowed to use a special lift in the fire exit stair well area once the fire brigade were on site. I presume it could be switched to manual and lowered - may be wrong. A phone link to the ground is also available in these and fire marshalls would accompany any such staff. I appreciate this may only be modern buildings and not apply to mpv. Just a point though the 2 comments mpv was criticised for were actually her dh's - personally I wouldn't listen to him again (don't listen to mind much either)

I think this thread may be getting a little personal but I have to admit that I am on the side of the anti "big car" brigade. (On the other hand, I don't have 4 children so may not appreciate the ease one provides). I live in Cambridge where there is a constant battle for parking, (although I suspect most people have travelled all of 2-3 miles to get in to town). If you are making do with alternative arrangements for 5 months then why not go for one more?

I am also 4 months pregnant and whilst I feel quite limber at the moment I can only hope that my colleagues do not consider me a fire hazard in just 4 months time - if they don't out me of the office so I can't take my maternity leave when I plan to that is . . . I work at the top of multi storey car park and have been told that I must have a "buddy" who knows where I am in case of a fire and accompanies me wherever I am when I get further down the line, I can't wait for the fire escape practice that involves!

Perhaps you could chat to the lady concerned and reach a compromise?

Lol at Queenie and like the sound of Denmark's approach. The school run into Cambridge slows a half hour journey to one - one and a half hours on a good day . . .

Is it all really worth it to park on site - since you only get to do this 1 month out of 6 you must have to make alternative provision for the other 5 months? - Isn't it simpler just to carry on parking off site where you usually park? Personally I would opt for this rather than the hassle....

As for those who criticise you for driving a MPV - shame on you woman! Clearly you should drive a super mini type car (perhaps a nice little Fiat Punto)and strap a couple of your kids onto the roof rack!!! The fresh air would do them the power of good.

Simple answer MPV is YES, You are being totally and utterly selfish and unreasonable.

Perhaps there a huge financial reasons this woman cant go on Mat leave sooner... I dare say she would LOVE to !!!!

...you just keep worrying about your precious parking space!! What a wonderful, kind and sympathetic person you are.

FFS!

Message withdrawn

Janh, the "fire hazard" remark from MPVs DH is not a valid point however you phrase it! Do you honestly believe that people with limited mobility should not be allowed to work above the ground floor if they are allowed to work at all??

Maybe I should stomp off to start a new thread on this...

No - I was thinking that I wouldn't want to be on the 8th floor when a fire broke out if I had serious mobility problems.

Message withdrawn

Agree with Twinkie!