More mummy knocking

[handlemecarefully]

Did you read the India Knight article in the Sunday Times (not my paper - was reading parents in law's paper!)

Apparently it is totally indefensible to place your child in a Day Nursery (or with a nanny / childminder) when they are a baby. The magic age that it becomes acceptable according to the law unto Ms Knight, is 12 months old. Any mum farming out their children before that age is simply unfit to be a mother and shouldn't have procreated.

Also, since according to Ms Knight day care costs £60 per day (really ? - mine doesn't), any woman who can afford those sort of child care costs can afford to take a year's unpaid leave from work.

I spent about 2 minutes being upset and annoyed after reading this article, and then tried to dismiss it from my mind (not altogether successfully). I suppose there is an anti mum article (either knocking SAHMs or working mums) every week at the moment, because the media have got it into their heads that parenting is a very vogue and fashionable subject. Its getting mighty boring now though...

Very soft focus.......

'acclaimed', 'hilarious' - sounds like those reviews outside West End theatres which are taken out of context

Well I am going to stick my head above the parapet and say that I like IK and find her articles quite funny most of the time. And I also agree that tiny babies shouldn't be in nurseries. Thought she was out of order blaming the death of that poor baby on the parents though and she was a bit snidey about Ms Lady Mc and her c-section.

I await my slagging off.

Awwwwww, come on, I go home in 8 mins! Am bad working mother

I think you should keep reading her oliveoil, one day she'll push one of your buttons (actually she'll hit it with big sledgehammer) and you'll be back on mumsnet slagging her off with the rest of us.

Thanx pie

aloha was wrong,she is worse than a moose.

No wonder she advise on make-up, it must take her hours to sort her honk out, imagine that make up free eeuurrgghhh

Too late to get you before clocking off oliveoil, but I agree with what you say. I don't always agree with IK, I do think she has a bit of a cheek pushing beauty advice, but I enjoy reading her column and usually agree with the broader issues she raises, if not the finer points.

Hi Oliveoil,

Definitely not going to slag you off!

I tend to agree with you that I am uncomfortable about very young babies being in Day Nursery (though I don't disapprove because it depends upon the parents personal circumstances), but what do you consider 'very young'?

The wondrous 'smoking whilst pregnant' Ms Knight was suggesting not before 12 months old - which frankly I find a bit daft. Particularly since the 'stranger danger phase' is at its height at 1 year old, and a one year old day nursery 'virgin' would probably take a lot longer to settle and adjust than a younger baby.

HMC - I am not sure at what age nurseries take babies but from my friends experience, I think it is 4 months? Could be wrong. For me, that is too young, when I look back at photos of dd at that age she looks so tiny. Also, she was not weaned, someone else is doing that job and I wanted to be involved in that. I moved to a (crap) area when pg so that I could have a cheaper mortgage and be near MIL for childcare. I can't stand the area but the advantage is that I can go part time.

This works for me I am NOT slagging off people that send children to nursery, my friends are 50/50 on that score and you would not know the difference in their children.

So oliveoil what do you suggest for those of us who simply do not have free childcare available?

Oliveoil - as far as I know - most day nurseries will take babies from 6 weeks, not months. Many here (SE) seem to anyway. IMO - definitely too young.

IK does scare me though - she's an AbFab parody just waiting to happen if it's not already been done.

I actually think that if children go to nursery at all it is far better to start them early. At 4 months all dd needed was someone to change her nappy, stick a bottle (of EBM) in her mouth and cuddle her. Anybody could do that for her. Now at 18 months - and in the future - I think it is more important for me and dh to be around for her to help form her little character. And I think it is even more important for kids to have their parents around at school age. I really never minded a nursery nurse looking after my timy baby, but would get upset if dd ran out of school to tell a nanny or childminder about her day. I know people need (and choose) to work at all stages on their childs life, so am only stating my personal preference, but do think that it was better for me to be working 10 hour days when dd was 6 months rather than when she is 6

I must admit - both mine have started nursery around 1 and its been a complete nightmare. So much so, that neither of them really enjoy it yet & eldest one (3) still cries when he has to go. My friends kids seem settled in theirs, so it tears me apart. I have cut back their hours as much as I possibly can but I do often wonder if I had started them earlier, but thats when I had my mat leave so wouldn't have made sense. I think the ultimate bottom line is, you do what is best for the kids and you and what you can possibly do and still be able to feed them...noboby really has the right to criticise you. Its one of the hardest things I have every done........

Prufock,

I see your point - now that my dd is older (15 months) and is so attached to her mummy, I feel real guilt pangs about her time at nursery (she seems okay with it, but I'm feeling ambivalent). I am thinking of reducing my hours at work from 30 hours to 24 hours

Bozza - no answers or solutions possible I don't think in the issue of childcare, all a matter of personal choice.

But 6 weeks old in nursery? Do they really take them that young? God, I had just about realised where my ok clothes and hairbrush was at 6 weeks, never mind going out to work!

Prufrock - think you are right on children needing you more when older, my friends child was in nursery f/t at 4 months and didn't bat an eye, now she has started school, she really wanted her mum to pick her up (all her friends were collected) so she was over the moon when her mum jiggled her hours around to get her from school.

I think there will always be a big stick that you beat yourself with on any subject to do with parenting be it childcare/the 'right' school, feeding/bottle or breast/ etc etc etc.

In my son's nursery some babies start as early as 3 months and I do admit to thinking they belong with their mummy's. I also think it's sad with children who are placed in nursery 8-6 for a full week and hardly ever see their parents.( I also think it's a bit strange to place a baby with severe allergies with any type of childcare. I can't comment on this case in particular because I haven't read the facts, but I think it's a tragedy for everyone involved and also for the young girl who fed the milk to baby. )
Having said that, I also recognise that their parents might not have a choice and we all do our best with have we have got. A friend of mine placed her 3 month old baby with childminder because she was battling severe PND and it was definatly the best thing for her and the baby.

I also like India Knight's column from time to time. Like the fact that she speaks her mind. I think it is quite refreshing! I think she should stop smoking though. Smoking in pregnancy really is tragic!

Thanks for that reply oliveoil and can I apologise for my rather terse post? Actually I admire you for taking such a big decision in the interests of all your family. Does being in a crap area as you say concern you for when your DD is older - re schools, crime etc?

My DS went to nursery when he was 15 weeks so maybe I am a bit sensitive. He wasn't weaned at that point which is something you mentioned in your post oliveoil. But because I only work 3 days I was able to start him on the babyrice and let him have four days before he went back to nursery and so on with each of the next steps right through to potty training....

I am very lucky that my DS has loved nursery and thrived all the way through in each of the different rooms he has been in. Which I suppose is why I resent India Knight sitting and smoking through her pregnancy and telling me I'm a bad mother for sending my DS to a safe, smoke-free stimulating nursery. OK rant over.

Yes; my dd2, 19 weeks started this week with childminder (four days a week), who's had dd1 since 15 weeks. If dd2 grows up as gorgeous, happy and confident with a network of people as dd1, I'll be proud.

Bozza - I have thick skin, and do not take posts personally and didn't think you were terse!

When I say crap area, it's not tooooo bad, just too near one that is. I miss my old area and my friends more . Most days I wonder if I have done the right thing but dd more than makes up for me being lonely and the local accent (ooaye).

I went back to work p/t when dd was about 5 or 6 months so I didn't do all the weaning either, mil 'helped'.

AND I think to myself 'oh if I had sent dd to nursery she would be walking by now, she has no stimulation blah blah blah'. So I never win!

Parenting is a long long road of decisions and no bloody answers.

For those at home and want to know what India Knight looks like shes on This Morning at 11.20am

Oh no! I am missing India! What is she going to talk about? Will you be watching and telling us about it?

Is she the one about to give shopping tips? She looks terrible!!!

Bloody hell! What a tug! She looks like Jo Brand with straight hair.