Tea Room the Thirteenth

[amberlight]

Welcome to the newest instalment of the One Parent Families tea room. As it's heading for spring, we're now in a nice warm orangery surrounded by woodland filled with spring flowers. All are very welcome to join in with us parents of one (or indeed more!), the tea room gardener/handyman Mellors, various virtual Bishops (don't ask) and a variety of other characters from previous tea rooms. Grab a cuppa, relax!...

I think that we'd manage a meet up fine - Amber could have a corner table to herself to start with and have a good old-fashioned broadsheet newspaper to hide behind to start with. In fact, that table probably would also be partly obscured by the aspidistra. (Did that get left in the log cabin btw?)

T&E could come in in a long mac, trilby and dark glasses so that no one could work out who she really is.

CMot - how are things with your father now - I hope they've settled down a bit? I had to push hard to be allowed to go into the hospital (not the nearest, 45miles away) only once every 2 weeks and take remainder of injections (3) away with me to store in the fridge and take to the Dr to get given. And trying to get the receptionist at the Drs to give me 3 appointments with the Dr every other week was quite interesting.

Its starting to feel as though the spring is really here now - sunny again today!

I spoke to Dad last night when he got home - he persuaded them that if he can inject insulin, he could do heparin. So, he only has to go to the hospital to have his INR done - I'm going to take him tomorrow.
His clot is quite big - 5cm long, which is a bit of a worry.

The Sydney meetup sounds great Thumb - on a couple of stays in Sydney I stayed in the Rocks, and the hotel had a roof top pool looking out over the opera house

CMOT, still keeping your dad in my thoughts here.

Glad to hear any meetups wouldn't really include head-flushing.

We've recently started having school reunion lunches, and there's an ever-growing number of old schoolfriends of people turning up now. Wish I knew who they were! They're used to me - they had to spend seven years of their lives in my presence. Still in counselling, I think...

I wonder if we could do a meeting of tearoomers that would involve video links for those in foreign parts? Hmm...

CMOT - I am lucky to have very young parents... My Mother has less grey hair than my dh!!! Yet, a few of my dear friends have parents who are starting to slow down quite a lot and it is so so worrying for us all. I really feel for you.

After being the one who suggested the meet up I am now feeling slightly nervous about the idea. I feel if I were to arrive sans Breton stripes, a Parisian strut and stolen sports car (all of which I sadly lack in rl) I would be nothing but a huge huge disappointment!!!

I find it impossible to be disappointed with friends, whatever country, shape, size, nature, temperament, fashion-related-matter, income or otherwise they have. I just think people are marvellous.

I can't imagine being disappointed Tea

Thank you for the thoughts Amber. This is a problem of being a child of older parents - and Dad has had a hard life, so 74 for him is rather more aged than FIL who is nearly 71, but in great shape.

I'm coming to expect that they won't be around for that much longer. And tb brutally honest, their quality of life is going down and down, so I don't think I would want them to drag on. Sounds awful doesn't it ? But seeing my dad reduced to just sitting on the sofa watching Quest tv, and my mum taking morphine to be able to shuffle round (and still scoring a 10 on pain scale), it's how I feel.

Gosh, that was gloomy. On the upside it is a bright clear day, and I have a riding lesson at 1 to enjoy. And next week I am off to the US, visiting somewhere I've been lots, and looking forward to seeing everyone there

Sorry to hear about your parents CMOT, that must be very hard to see.

Just popping in to say 'Happy St Patrick's Day' from here in Ireland!

Not sure of my plan yet. There is a parade in the village, I went last year and nearly froze to death just watching tractors drive past and chuck lollipops at the kids...so I'm not overly convinced about going again, though I suppose LittleO would enjoy it, so I suppose I'd better make the effort.

CMOT, your mum needs a better pain specialist. No way should she be scoring 10 on the scale if they give her the right help. Horrible situation for you. Went through it all four times when we've had all 4 of our parents die over the last couple of decades. Think you need a large cuppa.

Happy St Patricks Day, AandO! My family were from Ireland, so we sort of celebrate it as well.

Thanks for the tea. I totally agree that she needs more help - but unfortunatly she won't/can't help herself - won't go for physio, went to one Alexander technique lesson then got angry at it etc. She had her second SI joint injection two weeks ago, and it worked for a couple of days, then has stopped. So, she'll be back to them again soon.

I wish I was right at hand to chivvy them into things and accompany them to appointments, but can't do that.

Happy St Patrick's Day to you all, regardless of origin! DH is of the Irish persuasion as well so we take note of it. Interestingly (sort of geekily anyway) www.google.com.au (and probably .com but I can't check) have a beeyoootiful celtic design up for Google.... and I've just checked and so does Google.co.uk now you're on the same date. Of course it didn't change over until the date did, I was getting all uppity on behalf of the UK, but obviously unnecessarily!

CMOTD - that's one relief that your Dad can do his own heparin anyway. I know what you mean about the elderly parent thing although Dad's not doing too bad for his 76 years. Shame your mum is being "difficult" - if she's anything like mine was she might believe that no one can do anything to help her and no one has ever suffered like her - but I'm projecting slightly there, sorry. Poor woman though - ongoing pain is so debilitating, physically and mentally - I hate having bad sciatica, it is so, so... crippling in so many ways. Still - if she won't help herself what can you do? I at least went to the osteopath regularly (not a luxury for me, a necessity to keep working) and that helped.

Nice to see the aspidistra is still going strong and providing useful alternative cover!

Well you've got to have an aspidistra for use by a distressed aspie, haven't you

Large plate of cakes out on the tea room table for those in need.

Anyone seen the NMBs recently, by the way?

...back off to RL - cooking dinner, putting boy to bed, then working in preparation for tomorrows meeting

Do you think Amazon notice a surge in sales every time a book is mentioned on MN?

Well, the sun's over the yardarm so I'm moving on to something stronger. Bolly and a straw anyone?

Did it go better at cubs this week Mary ?

CMOT, I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. I think I had always thought that you were portraying them as eccentric, rather than as in real pain and not enjoying old age. Totally misunderstood.

You poor mother - and poor you, watching and being unable to help. I can empathise with the frustration of with living someone who appears totally unwilling to do something to help themselves. I think you have to say that it is her life and you can only offer. I understand too about feeling that you don't want their lives to drag on with no quality .... on the one hand I dread the time when Aged Parent (who makes yours look mere striplings) is no longer there, because she is probably my closest friend, but on the other hand, I know that she is pretty fed up with the whole painful undignified business of being old .... and not afraid of what will come next.

A previous habituee of the tea room once suggested a thread about living with aging parents; it would be good to have someone to talk to about it. Funny, you can now talk about sex or ghastly birth experiences to the most casual of acquaintances, but not about ageing or dying ...

Anyway, time for something fortfying, I think. Any suggestions?

Oh, they are eccentric - lets face it, anyone who takes their goats for walks, will keep up a pretence for months that a duck doesn't exist, or has such a delightful disregard for style is eccentric in anyones book.

The worst thing about whatever is going on in mums brain is that it has robbed me of the relationship I had with her. Now, she is irritable, critical, and her speech is like a childs puzzle story with lots of blanks you have to fill in, plus filled with repetition (that you can't avert), that it can be really hard to spend time with her.

Anyway, bolly and twiglets ?

How are the Racingpigs btw ?

'will keep up a pretence for months that a duck doesn't exist'?????

I'm afraid that the RacingPiglets are down to one. Feel very guilty. Has given Wriggle lots of opportunities to think about and discuss death, but, on the whole, would have preferred to keep the piglets. Still have sundry older RacingPigs ... wasn't that one I just saw in the twig;et bowl?

How difficult for youif you can't talk to your mother any more.

I should maybe occasionally proofread!

The duck thing - I had ducks as a child. They trashed the lawn, were dispatched to the field (plot of land up the lane that they used for market gardening, then for the non garden animals), and a ban was put on any more being acquired ever again.

3 years ago, Dad fancied some more ducks, so when one of the hens went broody he procured some fertile eggs, and put them under her. He spent the requisite time diligently being the one to collect the eggs so mum didn't find out till they hatched.

She refused to acknowledge that it existed - and this went on for about 6 months until someone stole the duck - she denies any responsibility for this. The avoidance tactics got quite elaborate.

They are weird - and I love them for that

So someone stole a duck that didn't exist .... What a defence! "Yes, m'lud, I am in possession of said duck .. but it doesn't exist."

Night night all. (And invisible duck)

CMOT - love the Silent Battle of the Duck and the Revenge of the Fairy Cake. But lunch in Gauchos? he's doing all right!

RACING - that is great Wriggle being put back a year. Was she really singing to the books in the Library? I wouldn't be surprised. Sorry you have demies of the Baby Pigs...

MARY - was cubs better for DS?

CATITA - we might not get ot meet you for a while, but we did get to see Mr Hatitat the History Hottie

I too feel about a meet up. I would love it I think, but I quite often talk too much when I meet people and you might all think I was too Loud and Brash (and of course my Footmen might get in the way )

Oh, aging, tis tough indeed. DaisyBloke's Dad died recently and it is hard indeed. There is no way the hospital would have spoken to or treated him as they did had he not been old. Which is hardly a crime

Oh, we seem to have unwittingly started the TeaRoom Book Club since at Tea's recommendation Trowel and I have bought the correpondence club book and CMOT has read it too!

Thanks for the Pinot Gigglio. Here is some Merlot too

I'm so sorry about Daisyblokes dad Daisy. And very that he was treated poorly

Since the most that anyone ever buys me is a cup of coffee, being taken out to v posh restaurants is beyond my dreams. But then I don't spend the amount of money that he does - nearly collapsed when he told me the cost of that afternoons meeting

I have got 'Can any Mother help me' down to take with me tomorrow as am ferrying dad to hospital, so undoubtedly will have to wait around for ages. Maybe it's the secret tea room sign.

Will actually be doing the MN bookclub this month as they are doing Bad Science. Which I have some views on

Oh dear about the Racingpets.

It is very difficult to watch one's parents crumbling, isn't it? Between them, mine are a compendium of medical conditions.

I've been drinking Bolly through a straw since 7pm. Would anyone care to share?