Tea Room the Ninth: I love rock and roll, put another dime in the juke box baby

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Welome to the ninth incarnation of the tea room. It's been a long and eventful road, from a tea room overlooking a cathedral garden to a beachside cafe, with a diversion via a yurt. Now - voila - we are in a music lounge. We cater for all tastes and, as this is a tea room of requirement, it manages simultaneously to be many things at once. For some, it is a 70s glam rock disco with a cool boho edge - glitter balls, smoke machine and much wearing of platform shoes and eyeliner. For others, a jazz bar where mellow music is played as cocktails are served. For still others, it's a concert performance of Spem In Allium. We still have a garden, with shady parasols for the summer, and a menagerie of pets. Our membership is international.

The tea room has few rules. Everyone is welcome. But anyone visiting with the sole intention of causing hurt or shouting abuse will be ejected by Mellors, the multi-talented gardener-handyman who (it turns out) is also a guitar wizard and rock god.

Please come in.

Am mightily relieved to see RacingSnake back in our midst. In the tea room, we are all young and lovely so nobody is a toothless crone.

I know nothing about Sir Terry P, alas. So [spot the non-sequitur] Bolly, anyone?

me, I'm always up for a Bolly, ta MadBad.

I was first introduced to Sir TP by a 15yo in my rowing club - I believe I was about 22 at the time. Anyway, I wasn't that impressed with the first 2 but sufficiently interested to read them (he kept lending them to me) and by the 3rd one I was hooked. He didn't really settle into a good writing style until the 5th book in the series, IMO - which is a bit of a shame, cos it means anyone starting at the beginning might be a bit put off.

ooh, did you row Thumb ? I was really into it until I went to uni where they only had 1 mile of water - after an 11 mile reach of beautiful water, it just wasn't the same. Now I see the rowers out and think about getting a scull again - but have no time for it.

My first TP was provided by my brother - he returned back from his first university visit with The Colour of Magic, and that was it

ah Bolly, that is what I need. DaisyBoy has spent a lot of time telling me how DH "reads" the made up story he tells at night I should have taken notes....
"no Mummy, there's no lake, just a little stream...."

Sadly DH is not contactable and gone far far away but to tell you too much would be a bit too revealing I'm afraid. We royals need to keep our travel plans under wraps in for the long haul therefore. UniS wise words re adult friends, I must get sorted

Racing - go with recordsing. Sitting quietly for a bit is what funerals are about after all.... you and your sis might like a break

Thumb, get thee to a library or charidee shop and slake that thirst! I never could cope with TP myself

UniS let's hope the first house you see is the one you want

Yes, I started rowing at school but buggered my shoulder doing weight training so shifted to coxing. Didn't do it at Uni at all but my 3rd year industrial placement took me to Wantage in Oxon, and my landlord was captain of Abingdon RC, so when he discovered I was a cox, I was pressganged into joining. It was fab, actually - I used to do some sculling and a bit of light rowing but mostly coxed. Haven't done it for years now though.

Daisy - Are you married to Bear Grylls, Ranulph Fiennes or some other polar explorer? You must be brave and, as a member of the Royal family, practice your stiff upper lip.

More Bolly anyone?

ooh yes, sorry Daisy, wasn't ignoring your impending loss - it's horrid, I do know, before DH completed his degree in Australia, he was here only twice a year - 3 months in winter and 1 in summer but we were apart [hand dramatically flung against brow] for the rest of the time.

I found that it was ok for the first 2 weeks, cos he could have just been on holiday, but it started to bite after that.

have an unMNly (((hug)))

Have been trying to think of the compensations of having a husband who's away for six weeks.

1. Absence of damp towels on bathroom floor and other random places around the house

1. Unfettered access to TV remote control and consequently

1. Reduction in number of hours spent compulsorily watching CSI Penge

1. Sole responsibility for nightly duvet placement

DH hasn't been away at all since miniThumb was born, so all my compensations are out of date now - but I used to like not having to cook every day, having unfettered access to the remote, being able to go to sleep/bed whenever I felt like it and read in bed (mind you, I can still do that now - DH still prefers to sleep in his own bed cos of miniThumb's frequent incursions into mine )

Can't think of any others at the mo!

Ah, let me help you with my list:
(1) time to exercise, do those tsomach crunches and get rid of DaisyBoy flab - sad reality is that I just reach for the crisps and the vino and perhaps a ready meal

(2) sole control of the remote - but the sad truth is I do most of my work at night, and then end up watching crap tele until 2am - the change is that it is Sleb-twaddle in US etc rather than CSI Croydon - although I did become a leetle bit too keen on Dog Borstal one trip....

(3) Duvet hogging - what makes you think I don't control the duvet all the time

DH says he goes away for some good night's sleep and some peace and quiet

Another bizarre fact is that all household items choose DHs absence to go wrong -
knowing that DH is off the boiler has burst this week and the washing maching is making ominous noises

Heh ho, it's bolly all the way
and yes, MadBad, you are not too far off, he is pretty much one of those mentioned

Thumb how many years were you dating Suatralia Boy and did it feel ok when you finally had him all the time so to speak? DH and I spent years at opposite ends of the country and it was always the first few weeks apart and the first few weeks together that were tough. In between you sort of get used to being on your tod

It's different now there's DaisyBoy though. In some ways easier because I used to pine for physical contact. Not so much the full hoowsyourfather but just a hug or affection. One year when DH was away for 10 months I realised I had gone for weeks without any human contact at all (shiffing armpits on tube doesn't count) DaisyBoy means that is not the case now, but it's much harder in other ways = I can't just go out on the lash etc.....
I would find it very hard to be a single parent, hats off to all such mums (and dads of course but I have even less idea what it's like to be a dad alone or with partner...)

we started seeing each other in spring 2003 - he came over full time in Nov 2006, went back for a month in April 2007 but hasn't been off on his own since then.

You are right about the first weeks when he came back - it used to feel slightly odd and almost intrusive having him back again and having to consider someone else's wishes etc.

Still, wouldn't be without him for that length of time voluntarily again! Especially now we have miniThumb (but tbh, he wouldn't want to either)

Wow, THumb that is a long time to build a relationship from afar, good for you!

I know - what really makes me laugh is when I met a guy in a nightclub in Harrogate, I decided not to pursue it as I wasn't keen on the idea of long-distance relationships!

Still, this was a bit different - we had long blocks of very intense time together, as opposed to every other weekend travelling to see the person - so it worked out ok.

Hi all, sorry I've been away - I see I've missed tons - must try to catch up but that may have to wait until Jackbaby goes to bed tonight.
We have been so busy. We're leaving for Disneyland on Saturday - so, packing, getting the camper ready, working, and we had to go to a wedding this past weekend and stayed overnight in Vancouver (about 3/4 hour drive from where we live). It was my second night ever away from Jackbaby. He stayed with my girlfriend whose little man is 5 weeks older than he is and he had so much fun. I didn't really, the wedding was a bit dull, and I was worried how he'd do away from me overnight. Apparently it was ok, but when we picked him up, my heart just about broke - my friend's dad was holding him, and when Jackbaby saw me, he burst into wailing tears, ran over to me and monkey-gripped me around the neck and refused to let go. [stabbing pain in heart region emoticon]
He was still pretty unsettled yesterday afternoon and evening but he's ok today.

How is everyone?

little monkey! My miniThumb does that too - quite happy playing with Daddy for a few hours until Mummy reappears on the scene, when he commences heartbroken sobbing and has to do the death-grip-round-the-neck thing on me too!

Don't fall for it!

Well, I wouldn't, except that this is the first time he's ever done that. DH and I alternate work days, so JB is quite used to being without me (but with Daddy) for an entire day (sometimes 12 hours) and he always, when I walk through the door, runs to me with a huge grin on his face, shouting "Mama!!!" (in a hilarious Italian accent - so it sounds like "mamm- mahhh") - obiously he's happy to see me but was fine otherwise. This is the first time he's been without DH and me for over 24 hours, so he was clearly upset - but fine while with my friend and playing with her son, IYSWIM. I think when he saw me he realized it had been a long time (by his standards. Well, by mine too.)

he's the same sort of age as mine, isn't he? (~19mo)
It's quite a recent development for us, this "mummy or no one" thing

I'm off to bed now JM - hope Jackbaby settles down soon

Hi JM, lovely to see you in the tea room again! I know that whole sobbing thing, it is heart rending, but I think it is important to remember that the sobbing at seeing you is him remembering that he loves being with you and prefers your company to the company that he has been keeping - not a statement that he wasn't entirely happy in that company iyswim....

but I am feeble at this. DaisyBoy is almost 3. I have left him for exactly 2 nights. One for work (and he was with DH) and one for a wedding, about 2 months ago. He was fine, I wasn't

I am sure JM will be fine and his unsettledness is because he is wondering what is happening next - life is confusing at 19 months _and 39 years come to that!)

Have never left Wriggle for the night. She once spent a morning with her best friend and his mother, but that's the sum total of her independence (or mine??) So much so, that when I'm off to Cannes in less than three weeks I am taking Wriggle and DH along with me for my course.

Don't start me on the advantages of being a temporary single parent - we'd need a new tea room to fit it all in.

Ah Racing, I seem to remember Wriggle's brief flight of independence it went ok non?

and how is DH?

I have left DS rather a lot overnight. But he has never spent a night without either of DH or me. No idea how he'd take that.

Daisybloke sounds like he has a v exciting life

and he used to row

So many rowers! I have nothing to add to this as I can neither row nor swim and I get horrenduously sea sick. Designed for a life on land, I think.

Wriggle's brief flight of independence went very well, yes. In fact, today I left her at toddler group for an hour with friend and mum and she apparently didn't even ask where I was. Yet at home I can't go to the loo alone without floods of tears.

DH's lump is no more. Third CAT scan showed up nothing at all. He learnt this on the same day that the director of the college came into the staff meeting to say There Will Be Redundancies, so the next worry has taken over seemlessly. The grumpiness has eased slightly, thank you, but by no means disappeared. I really think he doesn't know he is doing it. However, Wriggle has taken to saying 'Daddy gumpy', so I will have to be careful about ever mentioning it to anyone.

Will be looking out for DaisyBloke on the news.