Tea room the Eighth - sun, sea, sangria, and perhaps a sandy Mellors

[DontCallMeBaby]

Greetings, welcome to the eighth incarnation of the tearoom.

The tearoom has been, and will be again, a virtual safe haven for anyone up for rather random chat and a comprehensive range of virtual snacks. Nothing in the tearoom will make you fat, or drunk (unless you want it to) or cause an allergic reaction.

The new tearoom location is a beautiful beachside cafe (no need for factor 50, the virtual sun will just lightly tan you, bring out your freckles or simply warm your skin, as you prefer) with a range of garden swings, hammocks, sunloungers, deckchairs etc (as well as a rather incongruous, but well-loved, chaise longue). For those in need of sanctuary, we have managed to fashion a new priesthole out of woven grasses.

Our fellow residents include Mellors the rugged gardener of few-but-well-chosen words, the naked mohawk babies, a coterie of bishops, various domestic pets, and a selection of others. On the human side, all are welcome - while we live in the One Child topic some regulars have more than one, and we are welcome all (except people who put their heads on one side and tell those of us with one child that it's just not fair to have only one child).

Please help yourself to a glass of Champagne and a canape on the way in ...

Mary - I agree. However, I still think that it would be better to keep things quiet ifyswim....

Anyway, does anyone want to pull up a deckchair alongside and watch the bishops still trying to windsurf. They do seem to be getting on a bit better now that they've got those nice purple shorts (thanks Mary - where did you source that many btw?) rather than their vestments.

I see the NMBs have managed to find a mini dragon boat from somewhere and are practising for a race - wonderful warcries as well!

The shorts are custom made by clerical outfitters , in Lent, they even make penitential pairs, out of scratchy sackcloth material - which is probably why you don't see bishops surfing during Lent (quite apart from the fact they're not supposed to be having a good time )

Mary - have you found that the cakes are very different in different parts of France? We used to holiday in France when I was younger - ferry and drive. Some years we fell on our feet and found outstanding cakes available in all of the local patisseries. Other years it was really dissapointing! Although we did quite often buy those little palmito biscuits, creme fraiche and go and pick available fruit on our walks (Myrtles (blueberries) and wild strawberries in particular) and make our own in those circumstances...

Oh yes, someone was asking about Justa - good news definitely which is nice

What the...isn't that Bishop X in...purple speedos?!

Nope, no need for code. I'm not hiding, just healing in a quiet corner, which is different. Justine always knows if I'm on or off mumsnet. She's lovely.

I think my autism team and friends have been totally brilliant this week, bless them. And people have re-discovered that autistic spectrum people (even ones like me) can get really really tearful and sad and upset and not have a clue what they're saying/what effect it has at the time. That is standard information that applies to everyone on the autism spectrum. (and of course hugely embarrassing for us afterwards ) At least people will perhaps have learned something about autism from the experience, as 'orrible as it is for me. . Just need a lot of time to heal, and quieter waters from this point.

Online shopping? I do sometimes, yes, but that has two really big perils:

a) someone comes to my front door and rings the doorbell and I have to talk to them and sometimes they even need to go into the house to put the things down . Most of us can't cope with people we don't know being in our house - it's scarier than hell.

b) sometimes they deliver things I wasn't expecting, or have squashed things I was expecting into very unexpected shapes or consequences. Like the time the yoghurts were squashed and had leaked over everything and I totally lost the ability to say anything at all to him.

Soup available...

Soup - great. Its quite an interesting colour...?

Shopping - I thought that that might be the disadvantage. Although some delivery drivers appear to be better than others and ask whether you want it brought in or not before barging in. I think that we can report problems by email too which might be an attraction... Last time we had a delivery a thing of milk had burst, and unfortunately this was in one of the higher up bags - poor driver had done as much mopping and changing bags that he could and had already informed Hq of the problem before he delivered. I also like the telephone call asking whether he could deliver it earlier than the chosen delivery slot - which we normally go for on the basis of it being cheaper and also in the knowledge that they almost always come early and it really doesn't matter if they don't anyway.

Costco was a dream yesterday. It was virtually empty - I was - I hardly had to push my trolley round people as I wandered around and I didn't have to queue to pay at all. If I had wanted to have stayed for a baked potato I even would have got a seat!

It's good to see you again, Mistress of the Washing-Up Bowl.

Soup would be lovely. Do we have any lewd rolls? Or unsquashed yogurts?

Hi Amberlight! Just asked you a vital (for me) question but then school computer crashed. Can you give me a list of people who work in a church for me to use with the class. I have thought of vicar, curates, who I think are assistant vicars, ladies who do the flowers, vergers (what do they do and how many does a church have?) ... now I'm stuck. Cleaners, I suppose, and people to cut the grass. Anyone got any ideas?

Churchwardens
Sidespeople (the meeters and greeters)
Children and young person's leader (responsible for child protection matters)
Choir
Organist/usicians

... err. Run out of steam now.

Musicians, even.

bellringers (Ok, campanologists if you're going to be picky!) (been there, done that )

What about stonemasons, roofers, lightening conductor installers, electricians, stainglasswindow makers, joiners, upholsterers, embroiderers (ie all the people that keep the external and internal fabric of the church in good order)

Yay! Amber's back - lovely to see you again, amber, love the new name too.

Am supposed to be tidying bedroom for estate agent to take pictures of our hovel house for letting purposes but somehow the laptop sort of fell open and I accidentally hit Threads I'm On in my favourites and here we are! But only for a minute as I can't bear the embarrassment of her saying "I think we'd better leave this pit room, don't you?"

Hmm, Thumb. I am meant to be deep-cleaning the sitting room of our hovel luxuriously-appointed abode, but have encountered similar problems.

Deacons, Lay Readers, Mothers Union people, House Group leaders, leaders of all the scouts and guides groups and related groups similar to that. And sometimes it's men that do the flowers .
Cantor (does the formal single singing bits)
Orchestra that helps the organist
Eucharistic servers (serve the bread and wine)
People that are dressed in white and carry the cross to the altar etc whose name escapes me completely but MaryBS or Justa will know
Bishops
Archbishops
The person who puts up the tree at Christmas
The person who teeters around on a ladder putting up the new banners for the church on the wall
The person whose job it is to keep the little candle at the front lit all the time
(note that I seem to have run out of names for these people - not sure some of them have official names!)
Christian Aid leaflet distributor
Newsletter writer
Website designer

More tea required, I think. And that washing up bowl looks like it needs some cups in it...

Is that engine still in the priest hole, by the way? Thought of a nice new modification to it

Tsk, and secretary to the ministers, of course. Used to be one (and the Ministers lived to tell the tale - though I hear they still need counselling... )

Its us that need the Counselling after seeing those Bishops in Speedos - particularly as I thought that Mary had managed to get them slightly less ingley attired in non-speedo, purple shorts, specially made by the clerical outfitters. Clearly she didn't disuade some of them from getting some speedos to use when she wasn't watching.

Tea - yes please!

Ah, my amber-friendly church counsellor guide person may be able to help! But only if she wears very dark sunglasses so she can't see what's going on out there. I don't want her needing the smelling salts...

Crucifer - person carrying the cross or alternatively, according to the online dictionary, a turnip (that is, they are a turnip, not they carry a turnip)

Thurifer - person carrying the thurible.

Best not to look outside the window, Amberlight!

Also:

Crucifers carry the cross
Thurifers swing the thurible
Boat boys carry the incense for the thurible in a "boat"
Altar servers
Sacristan
Sidespeople
Authorised Lay Ministers (depending on diocese)

There's usually only 1 verger in a church, although cathedrals have more. Often its combined with other roles.

I've hidden the speedos, so the bishops are currently "au naturelle" until they've brought out their clerical swimwear from where they've hidden them. I DO hope they've not been burnt in the thurible. They ARE very willful. For some reason, they think being bishops puts them in charge! The worst are those who are also in the house of Lords! Did you see the one in the ermine trimmed pair of speedos?

Argh, cross posted (pun there LOL) with you, Madbad!

Mary! Considering you will soon be in the very presence of one of them IRL, you might wish to at least lend him a kneeling cushion to hide his modesty!

I shall never see Bishop T in the same light again!

I think we must ask Mellors to have a man to man chat with the bishops about maintaining appropriate standards of dress and decorum. The nearest naturist beach is some distance away and if they insist on getting an all over tan they will have to go there.

(a kneeling cushion is called a hassock btw)

All he has to do is retrieve the swimwear I sourced for him, then he'll be covered up. I will try hard NOT to snigger when I meet your bishop! He should know I've met a Cardinal before though, which trumps a bishop! Said cardinal was properly attired in cassock though!

I always get cassocks and hassocks muddled up. perhaps the Bishops do too?