to those of you with only one child but not through choice...

[ellymae]

...and particularly to those whose partners have been the reason why you only have one child, how do you come to terms with the fact that you will never have the family set up that you always wanyed and dreamed about?

I have always wanted 2 children, or more importantly have never wanted just one child and i have no reason to believe that years ago my DH felt any differently. We have a wonderful DD who is 22mos and in an ideal world I would love to have another child within the next year. However, DH has made it clear that he doesn't feel he is capable of having any more children and the subject is pretty much closed.

Now I am not looking for help in trying to persuade him to change his mind as he has valid reasons that I don't really want to go into, I'm looking for help in how I can start to try and come to terms with his decision.

Does the pain of not being able to have more lessen over time, am I always going to be hit by reminders throughout life of the family I will never have?

I have read a number of the other threads about one child families and I know that in time I will come to appreciate the benefits of having only one but the pain is still quite raw for me, so if you could indulge me with some support that would be great

[Littlefish]

We posted an offer today to the estate agent

We'll just have to wait and see now, but they will undoubtedly turn down our first offer.

We have someone coming round for a second viewing of our current house on Wednesday

[TrulyMadBadandDeeply]

I heart the rabbit - does s/he have a name?

[Gunnerbean]

Bullersbychildren/NellieKnott, I feel I must apologise to you most wholeheartedly because on reading my post I feel it was very harsh -and particularly the last bit where I said you wouldn't be missed if you didn't come here again .

I now realise that you and I are of the same view in wishing that there were a few more of us around here who are happy to shout from the rooftops that we are more than happy have just one child by choice.

I have to say that I don't resent the presence of people on this board whose experience of having just one child is somewhat tinged with sadness or regret. I guess that both you and I just have to realise that, like it or not, we are very much in a minority in wanting just one child.

As I said on this thread here:

this thread

(which I'm not sure if you contributed to), I very much believe that the experience of having one child by choice and the experience of having it thrust upon you by circumstances beyond your control can be vastly different experiences.

In many ways, I have come to the conclusion sicne being around this board for a few weeks that a lot of the issues that arise on the one parent family board could just as easily be dealt with on an infertility board. This is because infertility seems to be an issue which crops up time and time again with regard to the issue of one child families (what with it seeming to be the primary cause of why a lot of people end up with a one child family).

However, I do find that as infertility has nothing whatsoever to do with why I have just one child that I often don't find I have much in common with many of the parents of only children here. I don't share some of the feelings they have and I have never been through the range of emotions that they have. There's nothing wrong in that, it's just that we've had different expereinces. So in that respect, I don't always feel that parents of only children are that much of a homogenous group.

In that sense, having just one child is not what gives us something in common - rather, it's what's informed that decision that does.

I think that this is not something that can be said to happen with regard to people who have 3 children instead of 2, or 4 children instead of 2 or 3 (IYSWIM) because it's only having just one child which seems to evoke the negative feelings that it does.

I have rambled a bit but I hope you get what I mean.

Anyway, I am so glad to find another person who has just one child by choice and is perfectly happy and comfortable with that choice.

[NellieKnott]

Thank you, Gunners. I appreciate your thoughtful post.