Anyone an only themselves & felt lonely as a child?

[Hamster555]

We have just the one LG 14months. She's the total opposite to me and her Dad. I suspect she will be very outgoing and extrovert. Not a bad thing at all as due to a difficult birth and financial reasons we won't be having anymore. But my concern is she may feel lonely. I had a half sister as a child, we fought like cat and dog but now I look back and can't envisage how life May have been without my half sister around either. I think perhaps it's a case of as humans we sometimes never quite feel fully happy and wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. I worry in time she may come to feel lonely without a sibling but I know it isn't the rose tinted view sometimes either when kids do have siblings. Her extroverted nature and high energy I suspect will stand her in good stead for making plenty of friends as she gets older and therefore I just need to ensure plenty of after school activities and friends over, vice versus. Just wondering if anyone was an only and ever felt lonely with no siblings and or bored because of their more quiet/introverted parents?

Does your child have cousins? I think that could be enough to make her feel like she belongs to a group. I have siblings but they had grown up and left home before I was born, so I was brought up like an only child and I was lonely. I didn't have cousins either, well I did but they were grown up too, so I was literally quite alone.

Also, I felt ganged up on by my parents if one of them were giving me into trouble and the other one backed them up, I never had someone to understand. They were a team and I felt i waswas alone so that might be something to keep in mind. (They weren't being horrible to me, that was just normal child dramatic response,
'be home for 10'
'whyyyy that's so unfair, Julie can stay out til 11'
'Listen to your mum, if she's saying 10 then uv to be home for 10' that type of thing). It always really compounded how alone I felt.

Possibly it was more to do with not having any wider family unit around us rather than just the only child thing that made me feel alone.

Rodent makes a good point about cousins - if you have siblings with children, it's good to spend time with cousins. I hardly saw mine (some were older, but a couple were close to my age), because my Dad was constantly falling out with his siblings! They were a row-prone family. It's only as an adult that I've realized how nice my cousins are, because we can see each other independently!

Not really as a child but I had lots of cousins around. What hurts is being an adult with no siblings, no one to share care with etc of parents and being alone one day

It's great to see even more comments and contributions of your experiences. It seems a lot of you actually felt in some way lonelier having siblings and the ones who didn't and are now older a few who perhaps aren't with partners and a few that are feeling the care of elderly parents but it's interesting to read also that women children tend to pick up adult care responsibilities more and that also one sibling can bear the brunt of it more anyway but that as an only there are also positives to this in the fact that you have no siblings to interfere with how you feel their care should be arranged and inhertiancw which is know to causes a lot of issues. Unfortunately my sister found out since our LG was born that she won't be able to have children so she won't know have cousins. Another comment I read which moved me was how one of you was an only abs felt somewhat the outcast in the home by their parents which is something I abs will avoid doing for my child. It is very important to me that my LG is happy and I want her to be confident, free to explore and socialise but also sensible. I think life has pros and cons no matter which side of life you're on and nothing is ever the perfect that we hope to achieve but I raised this post to here your real life views so I can undertand them and relay this to her one day when she asks. There is also the point for me personally that atm the point I am at right now I couldn't physically or mentally have another but maybe In a couple more years that may change but I am more inclined to see now a lot more positives to her being an 'only' than I did before I posted this. One post that touched me more than any that makes me more inclined for another is the poster that mentioned not having anyone to share their childhood memories with verbally. If it helps I had a step sister whom I wasn't close to at all, at the time we fought all the time and I wished to be an only and now I look back on more the memories of the things mum did for us as kids like her amazing decorations at Christmas and more the freedom of being a child and the friends I had and how mum was relaxed about me having makeup at 15 and hair stuff for me my memories I look back on are more personal and I haven't ever really felt I needed to share those with anyone and mostly talk to my partner about them which I've enjoyed so perhaps if you are to find someone or have someone now you may feel joy in speaking to them about it more or one day when you do. I think it's just life that we sometimes want we have never had or always wonder it's all part of the yin and yang and differnt sides to life. I hope even under my circumstances to try and give my LG a good balance to see both sides of a situation and quell any feelings or worry or concern for feeling of lack of something in any areas of her life. I am going to start writing her a little book of life tips and memories section for her to one day look back on that she can sort of feel she is sharing with me to look back on when I am one day not here so that she always has that to turn to x x x x x

I had a sibling that hated me and on the whole made my childhood thoroughly miserable. So being an only would have been preferable.

@justanotherneighinparadise

This is the thing and the gene pool can make siblings so differnt! Me and my step sister were like chalk and cheese as were
My dad and his brother. I think it's so easy to see the negatives of any situation and most people always say won't he/she feel lonely without siblings. It depends, my LG goes to nursery and has done from age 1 and seems happy at the wknds atm, perhaps as she becomes older she may prefer the company of people her own age more and that's when I will have the time more to dedicate to taking her to clubs or friends etc which I maybe wouldn't have of I had another as time becomes more stretched. Being at home all wknd with a sibling they love could be great if that's every wknd but from what I've seen and from these posts most don't get along as they are usually together a lot and the appreciation can be quelled the being together so much. Perhaps being an only makes their friendships more strong as they really go out and pick the friends they feel the closest to as only have 1-2 to choose from to spend time with at a wknd and they make the most of that time as it's less and more precious. It's great to see all these opinions and views of others experiences as it has given me personally a good view of both sides and has really put my mind at ease. I suppose it's important for me that our LG ensures to develop a good close knit group of friends in her life that I never did as a child I didn't realise the importance of this as it wasn't pointed out to me by my mother which is interesting as I think my mum would have benefited from that a lot herself, perhaps she didn't see this. I am now trying to make moves on developing quality friendships for myself and my group is very small but so far helpful with support and advice and it's important that our LG does this and hence I'll be writing her the book to look back on so if anything should happen to me she always has this to turn to and I'll write some memories of things in there so she will feel she is sharing that with me which may help her to have that always with her x x x

I'm an only and wasn't lonely. I grew up in the era when gangs of us kids played outside together. I was always glad of being able to go home and close the door and have some peace and privacy.

Re elderly parents, that does worry me tbh. I know pp have said that having siblings doesn't guarantee help with that but not having siblings guarantees that you won't have help.

@ProfYaffle

Yes me too and I look back feeling more fulfilment and happiness from my friendships as I chose to have so many friends. I came from an area where there were loads of kids and we all played together. When I visited my dads it was different as my step sister wasn't there but that was ok as we didn't get on anyway and so when i got older I ventured in to the alleyway where all the others kids were and again made more friends. As a child I felt lucky to be surrounded by so many more children and had a rich circle of good friends which sadly I no longer have but I look back on my childhood and this was a huge thing for me. We weren't well off and mum and step dad fought a lot so having those kids there meant a lot to me and I built my own little life from there and it was good escape out of the house. So interesting to hear all these replies. Where I live now is what you'd consider a better area only in the sense to me of it feeling safer and less crime but my smaller house and having less in the home now I think back never bothered me, i realise now it's more the friends I had that helped me through and my sibling only cussed me more issues at home as we just didn't get along. Had there not been as many kids I think I'd have felt the loneliness of that but perhaps not had I still have had 1-2 friends only as it's just having someone whom you feel connected with that I think is the key whether they are a sibling or a friend doesn't matter so shows that friends can be just as fulfilling as a sibling and most siblings from what I've seen don't seem to get along. X x x