DD 7 really wants a sibling but we are one and done

[AutumnNymph]

DiD 7 (almost 8) is desperate for a sibling and has been for years - we hoped it would pass but it hasn’t. Everytime one of her friends parents is expecting it’s constant tears and drama! We are very clear we don’t want another child and have ties explaining it in various ways.

We have had 2 hours of tears today after 2 months of daily asking - I wanr her to express her feelings but am frustrated and tired now.

Please tell me your success stories of getting your only to appraise the amazing things they have ?

DH and I are clear we don’t want another child for various reasons - we adore our daughter and wish we could get her to appreciate the benefits of the life she has.

I was an only child and my parents both worked fulltime.
My dog was my best friend. She was so important to me that when I had my first DD I named her after my dog. (Dog had been dead 10 years so nobody remembered her but me. I have never forgotten her.)
Find a hypoallergenic breed and hire a dog walker and give your daughter a chance to form a loving bond.

I agree in telling her that unfortunately not all mummies can have more then one baby and some women can’t have babies at all, that’s why you feel so lucky in having her. I didn’t have any more then one my DD went through a phase of asking but with a rational explanation she soon understand. If she carries on you will have to tell her she is being unreasonable and that’s just the way it is

Understood!!!

thanks for the replies everyone and apologies again for disappearinng. DD has been poorly but seems to be getting better in the past 2 hours or so.

She apologized to me yesterday night for all the drama and also said she was being teased by her bestie for being an only child. We have had a long chat and agreed not to bring this up again or go on about it.

Fingers crossed thats the end of it. Being "teased" by her "bestie" is a whole another ongoing issue which is being addressed by the school

I’m really surprised by some of the replies on this thread. A lot of the advice here is really rubbish! An 8 year old child is crying for 2 hours about not having a sibling and people suggest that the mother “tells her she is being unreasonable. End of.” Or they suggest that the child is spoilt and too used to getting her own way! And the OP is happy that she and her daughter have agreed never to discuss it again? How does it help to shut down the entire topic? Those feelings aren’t just going to disappear. Sorry I just don’t think this is the right way to handle this.

We should not be shutting down our child’s sadness about not having a sibling, or telling them that they’re unreasonable to have these deep, uncomfortable feelings. On the contrary I think we should be inviting them to share their thoughts and letting them have their feelings, whatever those feelings are and however uncomfortable they make us. If it’s sadness then we need to let them have the sadness. If it’s loneliness then we need to explore what’s behind the loneliness and get them to share their fears and worries. Children are not rational in their emotions, they’re often trying to work something out that they don’t understand themselves, and some people here seem to be implying that the child here is manipulating her mother. A child crying for 2 hours about this is clearly in deep distress about something!

With my son when he asks me for a sibling I ask him a lot about what he thinks it would be like to have a sibling and try to get him to really express whatever he is thinking. Sometimes that uncovers some interesting stuff but sometimes after a couple of minutes it seems like he’s done with that topic for that time. Which is fine. When he says he feels sad that he doesn’t have a brother I just try to empathise with him and say that I can see he feels sad, and that I get it. After all, it IS a bit sad not to have a sibling, not to have that experience l, isn’t it? I can understand that. There are other sad things in life for other people too, but for him in that moment I try really hard to stay with him and show him that it’s totally ok to have these feelings, they are normal, and totally acceptable, and he can bring them to me whenever he wants.

Sometimes I think that we don’t allow our children to express all their feelings about this issue (why don’t I have a sibling) because we are conflicted or feel guilty about their only child status. I still feel like that from time to time but I don’t ever try to justify my own decisions to my son. As he gets older I will share more about our choices and my background, but for the moment (he’s 7) I’ll just continue to let him have his thoughts and feelings about being an only. It can be incredibly challenging not to start to “fix it” for him (telling him that everything will be ok, reciting all the brilliant things about being an only etc etc) but I honestly think that all that stuff just closes down a conversation and I really want to continue to hear what he has to say even if at times it’s difficult to hear. It’s not easy but far better than the “she’s being unreasonable” approach, surely?