Does anyone relate to these reasons of having one child?

[DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews]

Hello all. My husband and I have a 2 year old who we adore. We said before our child we'd have two children if circumstance allowed. Recently we've both admitted to liking the romanticised idea of another child, but being tempted to stick with our one child family as we're happy. Kind of a head versus heart situation.

The reasons being as follows, and I'd love to know (if you don't mind sharing of course), if any of these resonate with your decision to stop after one child, as everyone I know in RL was resolute on one from before their child was born.

• would be high risk due to placental abruption with our first; our birth experience was awful and this scares both of us despite reassurance from consultant I'd be monitored
• because of the above I can see me being anxious the entire pregnancy. Our child loves climbing on me for cuddles and play (and I love it!). I'd feel terrible having to tell a small child no due to high risk pregnancy (PA can be triggered by blows) and worry this could lead to depression
• severe pnd made the first year a blur for me, I was at the point of therapy and I called the Samaritans at one stage
• we've found a great groove; our child's happy, we're happy, I'm off ADs, our marriage is getting back on track and we don't want to jeopardise our relationship or the happy vibe in our home - we feel thankful our child and I are now fine
• we can give our child everything they need, and we're aware children get more and more costly. We aren't well off by a long stretch but not having another means exciting travel, hobbies etc for all of us are achievable (I wish I was a selfless, love is all you need type, happiest at home with children all day but I'm not!)

Sorry for lengthy post and hope it isn't annoying having yet another "second child" post here; but as you can see we're really considering not doing it! Any thoughts would be great.

@fruityb.. I know, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid what we're having! I was told by lots of mums at baby & toddler groups that he'll go in his own room when he wants to. Even a doctor said this and not to stress about it. But then my sis-in-law said she had to lock hers in their room and they'd kick the door screaming until they fell asleep on the floor exhausted! The thought of that scared me so much I gave in and thankfully I have a very accepting DH whereas most partners would be out the door and down the road!!

I'm not an only, but this still sums it up well for me: medium.com/s/motherhood/why-im-only-having-one-kid-8d842bca5a18

Sorry for the late reply, thanks so much for the recent posts. I find it assuring to know there are others thinking the same thoughts as I am!

That article was great, thanks for sharing. I'm actually an only child (through choice, apparently) and husband is one of four. What I've found reassuring is despite our quite varied upbringings, we are so on the same page with our views about things and general outlook.

Gosh this is morbid but since we're all sharing, I do sometimes wonder how I'd cope if something happened to our child. Which is ridiculous, because 1) I'd never have another for this selfish reason 2) it would still be just as horrific. This then also makes me think what if we did have a second and something happened to either of us during pregnancy/birth/they were born with severe difficulties, and takes me straight back to just being thankful for what we have really!

I really hope you guys aren't struggling with any decisions. I find it enlightening we are all just trying to do our best for our existing family and I think it's so important to recognise the importance of our relationships/marriages and also our mental health. I didn't feel like me for a long time after the birth, I didn't like the shift at all. Now I finally feel like me again; back to work, hobbies, relationship etc. I know my husband feels the same. I'm sure many would think this selfish but it creates a happy home life we all benefit from.

I get the comment about newborns; I have acquaintances who are obsessed with babies. I've never been like that, don't find them interesting and if I'm totally honest I'm not particularly maternal. My baby group friends are all starting to have their second ones so perhaps this is a subconscious thing.

Soz for the essay!

@RDMummy.. thanks for the link. Very enlightening. Even DH admitted as much!

@DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews..no apology needed as you wrote a very good post so thank you .
You saying you're an only and your DH is one of 4 and yet you're on the same page is great and is like us as I'm an only and DH is one of 3 but we have the same outlook.
The only thing i don't like is that he said you can't put all your eggs in one basket and that like animals we are programmed into having more than one. I suppose it's true ..the selfish gene and all that. But our circumstances are not right for another anyway. When people say why don't we adopt I just pretend it's a good idea but in reality we can't. So it's a closed door now. My dear sis-in-law brought the reality of our decision really to home when she said what would you do if something bad happened to your unborn baby as you're older? I was upset about that but it's true I guess. As you say it just makes me thankful for what we have.