Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is it not true that siblings don't play together

43 replies

lighthouse17 · 20/06/2016 18:10

Hiya
I met this lady at the park and she had a 2 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. She said that they don't play together at all. I could also see this for myself as he wanted to run around do boys stuff, the girl was more gentle and wanted to play differently. So she asked me to meet up as her daughter had no one to play with. I am writing all this as part of the reason I want another it's because I don't want my daughter to feel lonely. So it's not guarantee that they will play together and not feel lonely ...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

user1469425584 · 28/07/2016 06:04

My brother and me are three years apart and we always used to play together as kids. When we were in our teens he sort of drifted apart but we were still close even to this day.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 28/07/2016 06:47

My three dc do play together nicely but also need time apart. On holidays it is great because they play together, sometimes for hours. They also bicker and argue. They have to learn how to compromise with each other and dh and that they can't always watch what they want, sometimes they have to go somewhere they wouldn't have chosen or if there is only one packet of Skips then they have to share it out. They learn how annoying/ bossy/ manipulative other people can be and how to negotiate such relationships prepares to be slated for calling my dc annoying, bossy and manipulative, but sometimes they are . They also learn how to look after each other and care about not only their physical but also their emotional well being. Another parent with many dc said that having lots means that the weight of parental expectation is less on any one of them - they have the high fliers, they have the dc with alternative lifestyles, they have the grandchildren, they have some who have flown far and wide from the nest and others who have landed in the next tree. I'm not sure that you quite get that with two or even three.

All of these are lessons which they can learn as a single child. You can make sure that sometimes your choice of day out takes priority, tell them that you will share a packet of crisps with them because there is only one left and you want some too, you can get animals to help them learn to care for something else. You can recruit other dc to play with your dc (controversial on MN apparently but my dc often have their own friends over too). You can be delighted in whichever route your one child takes - whether that be child free leading expeditions up Mt Kilimanjaro or living next door as a lone parent popping in for tea every day.

I'm lazy so I have three dc to teach each other and me these lessons, but I know some great parents with one dc who also teach them these lessons and play with them far more than I do, have more money and happy dc. I love my approach but the choice is yours.

MilicentKing · 28/07/2016 06:55

I have a 7 and 17 year old. They do loads together.

Butteredparsnips · 28/07/2016 07:18

My elder two (boy and girl with 3 year age gap) were either best friends or sworn enemies. Rarely a happy medium. We had a third DC after a gap, and so there is less fighting, but it feels like she is an only at times, as the older two are now adults.

I would say, from talking to friends that my older 2 are fairly typical.

BastardGoDarkly · 28/07/2016 07:23

I wouldn't be without my brother, he made my childhood.

My two (DS 8 and DD 5) can go either way, they do play together, but they argue a lot too. DS would rather be with his friends, DD would spend all her time with DS if he'd let her!

Do you want another? Not just for your child, but for you?

Cyrli · 28/07/2016 07:24

My eldest two, boy and girl with three year gap have always played well together. My eldest has a few friends who are only children and she talks about them not having someone to play with. The youngest is now old enough to join in as well.

davos · 28/07/2016 07:27

I got on with my brother until we reached adulthood. His annoying traits that were funny when we were kids and teens just became worse.

My kids (7 years between them) play together fantastically. They also fight like cat and dog. And bicker.

I know there are days that the eldest, wishes she was still an only child. But She does adore the younger one, the majority of the time.

I would say that having another child purely to provide the first with someone to play with and grow up with is a bad idea. Because you can't guarantee that.

I barely speak to my brother now (huge back story) and would quite happily never see him again.

PrincessIrene · 28/07/2016 07:38

I really disagree, sorry. I had friends but was still really fucking lonely as an only child - and miserable. I'm 27 and still resentful of never having siblings.
I have 4DC 10-2 and they all play together/in smaller pairs/groups regularly. They love being a Gang of Four. Of course they still bicker & fight but it doesn't take away from their bond.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/07/2016 07:40

Of course it's not guaranteed, some will, some won't. My DB was 2.5 years older than me and we played together. I have 2 DD's who play together. I know some siblings who don't. There's no rule!

Ragwort · 28/07/2016 07:42

I never really 'played' with my siblings when we were younger, and now I barely have a relationship with them at all - we have so little in common except the fact we are siblings. Our parents are still alive yet we never all meet up together. My DH is the same. Some families get on, some don't - I don't think there is any magic formula to make it work. Looking back we had an idyllic childhood, loving family, nice home in a lovely part of the country etc etc - but we still don't get on now .

There is no point in having another child just so that your existing child has a sibling.

We deliberately chose to have an only child - he is out going and sociable with lots of friends, hobbies and interests.

InfiniteCurve · 28/07/2016 07:45

I have a boy and a girl ,and a 4.5 yr age gap,they played together as little kids and still get on brilliantly now eldest is 22 - same for DSis and I :)
Doesn't mean they don't argue sometimes,as do DSis and I,but basically they are friends and look out for each other.
But the whole idea that siblings don't get on has got to them,I used to get asked if it was weird that they got on,because 'siblings weren't meant to,were they?'

Notso · 28/07/2016 08:00

Me and my sister are best friends. We did argue as children but we're always very close. There is a 4.6 year gap between us. Things were worst between us when I was 14-16 but that was a bad time for me generally.
I was devastated when she left for uni and when she decided not to come back. She lives 3 hours away now but we talk to each other most days.

There is a 4.3 year gap between my two older children. They didn't really play together and both have very different interests. Now they are 16 and 12 they get on much better.
My two youngest are 16 months apart. They are inseparable even though they argue loads they always gravitate towards each other.
The second and third get on really well together and the oldest and youngest do too.

NataliaOsipova · 28/07/2016 08:06

My two are very close and one of the highlights of parenthood for me is seeing the relationship they have with each other. My DH doesn't speak to either of his siblings from one year to the next and wouldn't care if he never saw them again. Our friends have two who would both dearly love to be an only child - the highlight of their week is if the other one goes on a sleepover!

....it seems like a roll of the dice to me! I've discuses this a lot with a friend who has an only child - if you're conscious of the downsides, then you can try to mitigate them. Nothing is perfect and nothing is guaranteed.

orangebird69 · 02/08/2016 01:24

My brother and I are 16 months apart. We mainly just stabbed each other with forks and told tales on each other when we were younger. We like each other now though.

SalemsLott · 02/08/2016 01:31

My brothers used to actually beat each other up (until mum or dad stepped in), their relationship is still a bit spikey now they're adults. They didn't bother with me (only to practice their Chinese burns) because I was a girl.

Poptart27 · 02/08/2016 01:43

My three are each 3 years apart. They play together all the time. Two girls, one boy. In fact DS looks for his sisters when they aren't around. I can also remember clearly playing with my two younger sisters. However we restrict TV time to evening only so they really have no choice...lol

notamummy10 · 02/08/2016 01:48

Yep! When I was growing up, me and my brother used to play wrestling together! There's 5 years, 4 months and 24 days between us :)

Emily7708 · 02/08/2016 02:15

There was a three year age gap between my brother and I, we never got on and he despised me his entire life.

I was over the moon when I had twins (now 7) as I thought they would be best friends for life. Unfortunately DS has severe autism (non verbal and barely knows DD exists) so DD has all the crap bits of being a sibling and none of the benefits. Some of her best friends are only children and they are the loveliest, happiest children you could meet.

Flip

1 2