I'm really, really cross with nursery, please come and help me get my thoughts in order before I speak to the manager tomorrow.

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

Ds has been potty training for just over a week. Last week I sent him in in pants, as he was doing so well at home, but it generated a LOT of washing for me (he was having 5-6 accidents at nursery, so I would have 5-6 pairs of pants to wash + trousers) so I this week I've sent him in pull-ups, which is not ideal but I can live with. Both today and yesterday he has come home in a nappy, which has been soiled.

I know that he has better control than that - I do accept that accidents are going to happen, but when he's at home he manages to use the potty 80% of the time, and he's getting better. The only time I use pull-ups are in the car, for a journey of more than half an hour.

Nursery know that ds has very sensitive skin, and that if he isn't changed out of a soiled nappy straight away he gets very sore. They keep asking for metanium to slather on him - which does work - but it shouldn't be necessary if they would just change him out of a soiled nappy/pull-up ASAP.

In addition to the nappy/potty training issues, ds has been having issues with another boy in his room. I think they are friends, but - as is very common with dc of this age - they tend to bounce off each other. Yesterday, ds came home with a massive bite mark on his cheek, and I had to sign an accident form which said that the assistants in the room hadn't noticed what had happened, and ds hadn't seemed upset. Well, it's a massive mark, and still marked this evening, so I find it very difficult to believe that ds made no reaction at all. He also had a bite mark on his arm, which was because he had been bitten after he snatched a toy off another child.

Now, I know that kids bite, and these things happen. I'm not stressing over this - and if it's not ds this week, it will be next week IYSWIM. But, he's come home today with another bite mark on his other arm, and no accident form, and no-one seems to have noticed. I'm really, really cross about this - I'm not a precious parent who freaks out every time their baby is damaged. I've been very understanding when ds has come home with quite severe injuries (bites) in the past, and although they haven't told me who's done it, it seems to be 2 specific children from what ds says. I'm very worried that the nursery assistants don't seem to be noticing if ds is being bitten, not because I'm particularly worried about the bites per se (although obviously I'm sad for ds) but because if the children who are biting aren't being pulled up for it then they're going to keep doing it, aren't they?

I really need to get my thoughts in order before I phone the manager tomorrow, I'm not going to put a formal complaint in, or anything like that - but I need to figure out exactly what I want to happen and how I'm going to achieve it.

Sorry it's so long - must go and finish cooking tea now, but will check back later. TIA!

Have had shitty night with dd, really don't want to go in. But I will. Then I'll take ds for a treat, and give him lots of cuddles, and possibly phone Ofsted. We shall see.

Dh is coming with me, but he's even less articulate than I am, so that'll be fun!

So, main points I wish to discuss with them are:
Staff ratios
Not toileting/changing quickly enough
Not shadowing biters, and not noticing when incidents are happening
(of course, points 2 & 3 come under "staff ratios", but I feel as individual points it's worth saying)

I'm not sure whether to mention the incident witht the little boy who had the accident with his face, ds is talking about it a lot, and it seems to have really upset him, which is understandable, if there was a lot of blood and then the little boy just vanished.

How did it go ???.

Hey, sorry I've not been back today - have been out of the house since before 9 this morning.

We went down to see them, and unfortunately were rather late due to poo incident before we left the house (both dc) so rather than the in-depth chat in the office I had hoped for, we got a bit of a rushed discussion with the manager, and ds' key worker. I had hoped to chat with the manager on her own, to start with, and felt quite uncomfortable with the key worker there from the start.

The manager said that she felt part of the problem is that ds is a lot brighter than the rest of his room and isn't being "stretched" enough (remember we are talking about a 2 and a half year old here) and he was getting frustrated with the other children in his room. She completely failed to understand that the biting itself wasn't the problem it was that it wasn't being noticed. She also told me that she felt the room wasn't structured enough, and that ds would benefit from the more structured environment of preschool.

I don't think he would benefit from more structure at all, and don't really feel that she's taken on board my concerns at all. I think that if they're having a problem meeting ds' needs in a room where the ratio is 1:4, then they are really going to have a problem meeting his needs in a room where the ratio is 1:8, and I don't see her logic at all. I think what ds - and the biting child - need is closer supervision, not more structure, or learning targets or any of that crap.

The potty training thing seemed to go much better, we have agreed that ds needs taking to the toilet every 10-15 minutes, and have shown ds where the potty is, so that if he needs to go then he can just go, like he does at home.

I asked ds if he wanted to stay, which he did, so I left him, but on picking him up he's in a nappy again (although at least it is a clean, fresh one) and has someone else's wet pants and trousers in his bag. I feel sorry for the person who got his pants and trousers as they were soiled!

I've enrolled him in a new playgroup for Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and will be cutting his hours at nursery back to Fridays only, and see how they go with that. I think that they should get one chance to get things right, as really this is the first time I have raised concerns with them. They get 1 week, if things are still shit by the end of next week I am withdrawing him; do not pass go, do not collect £200.

Not convinced I've done the right thing, but then I rarely am. We shall see how this pans out, ds certainly seems quite happy and bright tonight, and not withdrawn or upset like he has been, so maybe things are better?

I've just read this, and Tafka, I am sitting here speechless at the excuses used to fob you off. A 1:4 ratio can't meet his needs? He's too bright for them - right, so they'll only take immature or thick kids? Ridiculous. And it sounds like they are taking no responsibility at all re the biting, they should be doing everything they can to keep the biting at a minimum. I'm just at the whole thing.

wtf? ds,my little man? where the fuck is that nursery? i am gonna beat the shit out of that manager, she is talking absolute shit, he isnt being streched my arse, i am mad now, poor ds. take him out, tell them to sue you if they dont like it, i will travel from essex to have him